Sex News in Asia - 11/28/11

This article first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.


Singapore

• Section of Evidence Act that can discredit sexual assault victim to be repealed.Gender equality organisation, AWARE made a submission to repeal section 157(d) of the Evidence Act, saying it made it possible to discredit an alleged sexual assault victim through her sexual history. Other reports are here and here.


• AWARE, the only gender equality organisation in Singapore, has launched their Sexual Assault Befrienders Service. This is the speech by Executive director Corinna Lim’s speech at SABS launch. This is the speech given by Minister for Foreign Affairs and Law, Mr K Shanmugam.


• 20.11.2011 proved popular among couples picking a date to tie the knot.


• SlutWalk comes to Singapore, Hong Kong, Bangalore and Mumbai


• British singer-songwriter Elton John appeared with husband David Furnish and baby Zachary at the 20th World Orchid Conference in Singapore last weekend where he had an orchid named after him.


• Commentary: Abercrombie & Fitch's shirtless greeters


• Baey Yam Keng: Not just a question of the ad


• Action plan against human trafficking. Second Minister for Home Affairs, S Iswaran explained that human trafficking is a threat to Singapore's security as well as its economic and social fabric.


• 'Lingerie' man jailed for indecent act in front of neighbours


• Taxi driver jailed for indecent act on 14-year-old stepdaughter


• Residents spot nude man in the neighbourhood


• Men falling for online sex con

Banglesdesh

• Child marriage in Bangladesh. 10 million girls worldwide married every year as children, according to the World Health Organisation.

Malaysia

• There is no plan to impose a ban on Muslim women taking part in beauty pageants in Sarawak, said assistant minister in the Chief Minister's Department (Islamic Affairs) Datuk Daud Abdul Rahman.


• 14-year-old M’sian girl raped after skipping class


• Man's naked body found with genitals cut off

Indonesia

• Unemployed, uneducated and desperate, tens of thousands of children are vulnerable to sexual exploitation in Indonesia.

India

• Malaysian-made sex stimulants rocking Kerala

China

• Longer Maternity Leave in China Signals More Women’s Rights


• 20,000 hopeful, curious and in some cases desperate Chinese gathered for the world's largest dating event.


• Chinese artist says he is under investigation for spreading pornography, after pictures including One Tiger Eight Breasts


• China executes man for raping 14 schoolgirls


• Nude 11-year-old PRC girl begging in the streets


• The Kaohsiung District Court in Taiwan fined a woman and sentenced her to 18 months in jail for committing adultery with her brother-in-law

Korea

• YG Entertainment's 'No Cosmetic Surgery' policy

View last’s week Sex News in Asia here.

Disclaimer: Some of these media reports may portray sex and sexuality in a negative light. I am merely re-reporting them and may not always agree with the reports or opinions expressed.

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexologist with American College of Sexologists with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Australia: It's time

Same-sex marriage is not yet legal in Australia. Delegates at the ALP National Conference will be voting on whether to make it their policy to end marriage discrimination. An independent movement to build a progressive Australia and bring participation back into democracy has produced the below video.

This beautiful ad produced by GetUp! Australia has already reached more than 1,200,000 people -- but a national TV campaign this week would reach double that again, and really put the pressure on! The Advocate Magazine called it "possibly the most beautiful ad for marriage equality we've seen." Watch and share!

The organization is now raising funds to air an edited version of the ad on Australian TV. You can make a donation to the organization at this link: http://tiny.cc/gkuwp



A message from Carl Katter.


Find out more about the movement here.

You may also wish to check out the Facebook page of Gay Marriage Rights in Australia where the below was shared:

"As a 82 year old openly homosexual male, I can legally marry my female cousin, my niece, or my aunty in Australia, yet I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 46 years and I can not legally marry him. I will be marching on December 3rd as I do not want to die as a second class citizen. 43 years ago I and my partner were gaoled for having consensual sex and 43 years later we are still denied equal rights. I plead with you to gather at Sydney Hyde Park at 12pm, December 3rd with everyone you can bring. This must change!" - Clement Mornington

Media: Want anything?

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

In this day and age, are we really suffering for want of… anything?

Long before budget airlines, it was a very big deal when people would travel to other countries. So much so that friends and family would go to great lengths to show up at the airport just to wish that person ‘bon voyage’. Often the departing person would be asked to seek out and bring back a particular spice, cosmetic, or other luxury item, because such items were either unavailable or exorbitantly priced in Singapore. This practice still exists, and I’ve had experience of it from every angle.

I often wonder, when hearing of such a transaction, whether the person delivering the goods is doing so willingly or reluctantly. Indeed, when would buying something in a foreign land for somebody you know be a privilege, an honour, or even a joy, as opposed to it being a mild irritation, slight inconvenience, or massive aggravation? I believe it boils down to the relationship you have with the person.

Many years ago, when a professional acquaintance of mine learned that I was going to the UK, she shamelessly asked me to meet her friend there who would in turn pass me clothes intended for her newborn child. It won’t be many things, she promised.

Yet, I found myself having to text this friend’s friend countless times, back and fro, having to sit down with her for tea to exchange pleasantries, and essentially wasting my time when I would rather be roaming the streets of London, enjoying the sights or getting immersed in the different , new (to me, at least) culture. I was dismayed to find that the clothes for her newborn turned out to include “Guess” jeans overalls, t-shirts, and even baby shoes. I also had to wait while the friend dashed into a Guess store and thrust yet another item into my hands – a gift for the baby, she cooed.

I had managed to squeeze everything I was to bring into one backpack so that I could travel lightly. Now, all these baby items effectively took up more than a quarter of my luggage space, even after wrapping them as tightly as I could. I wanted to cry. I had no space left to carry any souvenirs for myself!

Since then, I have not offered to buy or bring anything back for anyone unless I feel am utterly moved to. When friends ask if I want anything because they are going to x or y country, I usually tell them no. Truly, there is nothing I absolutely must have – I am not brand conscious and I certainly can obtain whatever I want myself.

When you travel, are you busy buying things for people you don’t even care for so as not to disappoint them, and checking off all the must-see places on your list, or are you actively seeking out what you really desire to do? Have you ever returned from a holiday feeling as though you need another one? Did you take the time to smell the roses? If your intention was to relax or rekindhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifle your romantic relationship, were you able to, or did you find yourself getting caught up with what the Joneses said you ought to? Check within yourself. Are you doing for the sake of doing? Or do you really, really want to? Pause. Breathe. Check within. This is a practice we should hone – for life.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Slow Sex with Nicole Daedone

Nicole Daedone is the author of "Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm", and the founder of OneTaste , an urban retreat center offering live and online courses and coaching in orgasm, relationships, and desire. Here she sits down with three friends—Susan, Kelly & Kim—to ask the surprisingly difficult question, "So....What Do You Want?"

For more information, visit http://www.onetast.us.

Download Dec 2011 Calendar

Download your FREE December 2011 calendar by Eros Coaching here!

You can see in one cool page all the events by Eros Coaching you should not miss out next month!

Check it out here!

Vaginismus on Discovery TLC

Vaginismus is an involuntary contraction of muscles around the opening of the vagina in women with no abnormalities identified during examination. The tight muscle contraction makes sexual intercourse painful or impossible.





I have worked with many couples with unconsummated marriage over the last year. I use a combination of teaching exercises on helping the woman understand her body, relaxation exercises, to sexual education, as well as sexuality coaching. This is a couple and not individual issue. Read an article I wrote here.

There are three client testimonials here, here and here.

Sex News in Asia - 11/21/11

This article first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.

Singapore

• Kids without dads to get male role models. Dads For Life plans to build a stronger support system for single fathers and translating educational materials like brochures into Chinese, Malay and Tamil.


• Straitlaced Singapore switches on to strippers


• Gawking incidents - what can beach-goers do?


• Gay portal Fridae moves to another domain


• SlutWalk event: Police in touch with organisers. The full correspondence with the Singapore Police Force is here. Commentary on this on Yawning Bread is here.


• Forum letter: Up Medisave limit for babies.


• New Nation: Male porn star - Stud. Female porn star - Slut


• Straits Times: More educated Chinese women seek foreign husbands including Singapore.


• Public House: Marriage and children not for everyone. We have to accept that, as societies evolve, their choices, commitments, needs and lifestyle will also evolve.


• Woman pleads guilty to having sex with father


• On why Minister of State for Health Amy Khor who took over as head of the national policy committee for HIV and Aids should talk about sex


• New strain of HIV found in Singapore

Malaysia

• Police have opened a new case against Opposition Leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim for allegedly giving a false statement in connection with the sex video featuring a man resembling him.


• Female students in Kelantan have been advised not to stay or play in flooded areas to avoid the repeat of cases of leeches which entered the private parts of girls and women in the state last year.

The Philippines

• The war against trafficking being waged by the Visayan Forum Foundation


• The number of HIV cases in the country has increased by 65 percent

Hong Kong

• The Hong Kong Lesbian and Gay Film Festival kicks off with more than 30 full-length and short films to be screened over two weeks, and will feature more Asian content than in previous years.


• Hong Kong Pride Parade: Too sexy or not enough?


• 2,000 attend HK Pride Parade

India

• India's rising divorce rates.

View last’s week Sex News in Asia here.

Disclaimer: Some of these media reports may portray sex and sexuality in a negative light. I am merely re-reporting them and may not always agree with the reports or opinions expressed.

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexologist with American College of Sexologists with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Media: On Yahoo Singapore

In case you missed it, this is the link to my interview "Straight talk with Singapore's sex doctor" with Yahoo Singapore.

Media: Sex - a job or a joy?

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

Is sex a job or a joy to you? Sex means many things to different people, often depending on where they are emotionally, or even the time of their life. For some, it is a chore, a duty, an obligation, simply a way to keep the harmony in a relationship. For others, it may be a way to ensure food gets put on the table. Sex may even be viewed as a strategic decision to reduce the chances of the partner seeking sex elsewhere.

For other people, sex is pure bliss. To them, sex is their way of expressing themselves; a part of their way of life which is as natural as breathing. Through sex, there is the merging of two bodies; it is where two souls come together, the two hearts beating as one. Cliché as this description of enmeshment might sound, this intimate emotional connection is entirely possible and highly attainable with some conscious practice – and from there, the self-consciousness becomes less apparent, until it becomes subconscious.

What I would like to focus on, however, is the type of sex that is less joy, but more of an aggravation for some. There are many possible psychological reasons why one would not want sex – one might be tired, depressed, stressed from work, or any other kind of anxiety. Then there is also when one is literally experiencing a headache, when sex is uncomfortable, even painful, or when a woman is going through menstruation. There are those who do not want sex because they simply do not feel a need or desire for it. What happens when one has little or no interest in sex most of the time? What can one do? Here are five tips:

1. Get honest within. Are you giving lame excuses, or genuine reasons for not wanting sex? Is there any element of truth in it? Rather than just sweep things under the carpet, do a check-in with yourself. Be completely honest. What would make sex better for you? The difficulties you have in coping with stress, anxiety, challenges, should all be considered.

2. Quality vs quantity. A person with low sexual drive will also want to increase the frequency of sexual activity to appease his or her partner. Rather than focusing on the quantity, how about also exploring the quality of it? If sex was more pleasurable, would you want to do it more often? It is not quite chicken-and-egg. It can be something that can be pursued concurrently.

3. Examine the repercussions. Are you afraid of the cold shoulder you receive from your partner when you say no to sex? Have you found yourself “forcing” yourself to have sex? Or have you faked an orgasm just to get it over with? If there were no repercussions, if you were not afraid, what would you do differently? Explore that.

4. Communicate, communicate, communicate! You really need to be communicating with your partner about what support you need – be as specific as possible. Falling silent, changing the subject, or making faces to confuse your partner is only going to prevent any authentic communication, and become counter-productive. Sexual communication is still communication. With practice, it will become easier asking for what you want in the bedroom.

5. Get professional help. There is no need to be struggling like a lone warrior. There is no glory in pain. You may wish to consider engaging a clinical sexologist or sex therapist. Sexual counselling or coaching can only make a strong relationship even more solid.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Where She Wants To Be Touched

AskMen interviews certified sexologist Dr. Christine Milrod to ask her a few in depth questions about sex. What are some places women like to be touched?

Dr. Christine Milrod is my schoolmate from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, United States

Love is Energy... Pass it forward!

Just a nice catchy video on love.
What kind of energy are you radiating from within?
Have a great day!

Dec Workshops

Eros Coaching is proud to offer three workshops in December!

Conscious Connecting workshop

Tues 6 Dec, 7:30 - 9:30p.m.


Do you have difficulty asking for what you want in bed? Do you have a desire to be a better lover for your partner? How exactly can you connect intimately with your partner. This clothes-on workshop explores the four different types of touch: Giving, Receiving, Absorbing, Allowing. Understanding and practising these distinctions will change the way you experience touch and shift your personal, and even professional life fundamentally. You are strongly encouraged to attend this workshop with your partner or friend. Singles welcomed. We will pair you up.

Fee: S$80 per person, $150 per couple


Goodbye 2011, Welcome 2012

Tues 13 Dec, 7:30 - 9:30p.m.

Time flies and it’s the tail-end of 2011 again. Let’s come together to reflect on the year that is about to finish, and prepare for 2012 by setting some personal and professional goals. This workshop aims to facilitate your inward-reflection as well as prepare you for 2012. You can expect to do some group sharing, thinking and journaling.

Fee: S$30 per person

Singing Bowl Jamming

Tues 20 Dec, 7:30 - 9:30p.m.


Singing bowls were traditionally used in Asia and the art of making sound with bronze bowls could go back 3,000 or more years to the bronze age. Today these bowls are enjoyed worldwide for meditation, music, relaxation, personal well-being. We will begin by learning to make sounds from our singing bowls before pairing up and using them to harmonise the chakras of your partner. We will finish with a beautiful singing bowl concert. Let’s enjoy making music together. Great for couples.

Fee: S$15 per person, $20 per couple

Venue for all sessions:

Wasabi Yoga - 54C South Bridge Road, Singapore 058685

Directions:

MRT Station: Clarke Quay or Raffles Place
Bus Numbers: 51, 63, 80, 124, 145, 166, 174, 174e, 197 (South Bridge Rd-boat quay stop)
2, 12, 33, 51, 54, 63, 80, 124, 145, 147, 166, 197 (New Bridge Rd & Eu Tong Sen St stop)

To RSVP, please email your name and mobile number to info@eroscoaching.com. Payment to be made before the workshop.

 

Media: Female readers ask about masturbation

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

In a previous column Masturbation is Self Love, I tackled men’s most commonly asked questions about masturbation. Female readers wrote in with their questions, and my answers are below:

1. I’m married and am a mother to a nine-year-old. I discovered self-loving in my early thirties and have been secretly indulging in it pretty often. I do look at pornography and even use a sex toy to make it more exciting. But after the euphoria fades, my desperate actions make me feel more ashamed. I know that there is nothing wrong with it, but how much of a good thing is too much? I've tried to stop but always end up doing it again.

It is wonderful that you are able to express your sexuality through self-love. Masturbation is perfectly healthy and an important part of sexual health. A good thing only becomes too much when your behaviour turns compulsive (i.e. you cannot stop yourself and have difficulty in carrying out your daily routine). We certainly don’t worry about eating too much chocolate – our body knows when the indulgence is too much. Be aware of your body – watch for signs of soreness or sensitivity, and slow down if needed. I would explore the reasons why you are feeling ashamed after self-pleasuring and where the guilt stems from. I say, embrace and enjoy!

2. I'm thinking of buying a new sex toy and am pretty confused about all these different types and materials. Dildos, dongs, lay-ons, balls and beads. Phthalate-free, silicon, glass and stainless steel. Where do I start?

Indeed, there is a mind-boggling range of sex toys to navigate when it comes to deciding on your first sex toy. There are actually many sex toys designed for women on the market. Most women I have met do not want gigantic phallic-looking toys and actually find them intimidating. Instead, they prefer smaller vibrators that are discreet and beautifully-designed. You will want to consider your budget, the material, colour, design as well as functionality, including types of pulsation, ability to control the volume, or if it is waterproof. You can visit my website under “Reviews” to compare some of the sex toys I have previously reviewed.

3. I reach orgasm much easier during masturbation than during sex. Does masturbating make it more difficult for me to climax during sex?

Both men and women generally find it easier to attain orgasm during masturbation. This is because they touch themselves or use an object with the exact angle or pressure that brings them over the edge quickly. Also, they tend to be more relaxed when by themselves – experience less performance anxiety, or have no fear of hurting their partner’s feelings. Masturbation does not make it more difficult for you to climax during sex. The reverse is actually true – learning and knowing more about your body – including what type of touch you prefer – is going to help you orgasm more easily in all situations. Go ahead and communicate your preferences to your partner so sex can only get better!

4. During masturbation, I do things alone that I am not comfortable doing with my husband. The very act of doing something naughty or dirty just gives me such a high. Should I try to introduce some of it into our love-making or just keep private things private?

The fact that you are wondering whether you should introduce some of what is ‘naughty’ or ‘dirty’ to you in the bedroom is telling me that you should think about sharing at least some with your husband. They turn you on and your honesty in sharing something that has been in your mind for some time may well encourage him to share what turns him on as well. It is important to differentiate what we fantasize about with reality – and just because we think about something doesn’t mean we want them fulfilled. Being able to discuss your fantasies can help you decide if there are some, or none, of them which you would like to play out in real life with your husband.

5. I usually masturbate by rubbing on the top (or front) wall of my vagina with two fingers. I guess that’s my g-spot and I’ve read that the feeling of needing to urinate is natural and is a sign of high arousal. When I climax, I sometimes spray out a liquid. The funny thing is that it only sprays if I suddenly take out my fingers. It doesn’t happen if I keep on rubbing inside. Almost like my fingers inside are blocking it, waiting to explode when I pull out.

This liquid is more watery than my normal love juices but the amount is much more. So much, in fact, that it’s enough to rub over my breasts and vulva (I like it messy). The smell and taste is different from urine. Is this the fabled female ejaculation?

Yes. You may wish to read this previously published article on the female ejaculation here.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Sex News in Asia - 11/15/11

This article first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.

Asia

• Thousands of couples across Asia swamped marriage registries and held mass weddings on Friday, believing that the quirk of the calendar makes 11/11/11 the most auspicious date in a century.

Singapore

• Founder of fridae.com, Stuart Koe, steps down after 10 years, in controversial circumstances. Fridae has made supporting the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community across Asia. Stuart's blog entry is here.


• SlutWalk Singapore and the Police. Police have nightmare about boobs. Another piece on Wall Street about SlutWalk is l: here: How will SlutWalk play in Singapore?


• Singapore’s first male porn actor revealed! A commentary about him is here.


• Do you really need to be asking me why Singaporeans are not having sex? 1 in 5 S’pore employees work more than eleven hours daily: survey


• On underage sex and statutory rape in Singapore


• Commentary: Would the real SPG please stand up? SPG stands for Sarong Party Girl


• Foreign workers ogling at women but gawkers 'haven't broken the law'


• Students plan ambush for pervert-stalker


• S'porean women have height issues when finding dates. Lunch Actually's annual Regional Dating Survey indicated that out of 640 Singaporean respondents, 70 per cent of the women surveyed said they will not date a shorter man.


• Teen, neighbour had sex with 13-year-old girl


• Boyfriend proposes by renting taxi for a day, gets startup to help

 

Malaysia

• Malacca Chief wants to amend Syariah law to prosecute gay men and lesbians despite existing laws, Pahang to follow


• Police have recorded statements from 50 people over the past few days to facilitate investigations into the annual sexuality rights festival. Deputy Inspector-General of Police Datuk Seri Khalid Abu Bakar said more people would be called up. A total of 154 reports had been made against the annual Seksualiti Merdeka festival. He also added that people should not be ignorant and be more sensitive when it comes to issues involving religion. More here: Politics got in the way in the struggle of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) communities seeking to be heard. A forum letter is here.


• No sign of sex services at massage centres in Kuala Lumpur


• Doctored nude pictures of four teachers in raunchy scenes have sparked a furore in Malacca.

China

• There's little sex education in China, but it hasn't stopped young people from having sex. The rates of premarital sex, unwed pregnancy and abortion are testament to that.


• The bedroom has become the latest target in a campaign to make “happiness” keep up with unbridled economic growth in the southern Chinese province of Guangdong, with a senior local official pledging to improve the sex lives of singletons.


• Chinese Couples Rush to the Altar on 11/11/11


• Chinese Man Proposes to Girlfriend, Backed by Giant Dancing Carrots


• Competition for Brides Fuels High China Savings

Korea

• At least five gay men have reported being attacked by several men – although it's too early to know if it's the same attackers involved – last week in the South Korean capital city of Seoul.

India

• "Wife-sharing" haunts Indian villages as girls decline

View last’s week Sex News in Asia here.

Disclaimer: Some of these media reports may portray sex and sexuality in a negative light. I am merely re-reporting them and may not always agree with the reports or opinions expressed.

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexologist with American College of Sexologists with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Media: Street Smart or Sex Smart?

This article first appeared on the CozyCot website.

So, how did you select your secondary school after your PSLE (Primary School Leaving Examinations)? How did you decide what career to pursue? Before any major purchase, what would you do before making the final choice?

Of course, you must have conducted some form of research into all kinds of things – from the best places for luxury bargains, which degree to pursue, what career prospects exist, to which type of housing is affordable. This research might have taken the form of asking trusted friends, seeking advice from family members, or even surfing the internet, to help you make all sorts of decisions.

Now to my point – why don’t we take that care when it comes to sex and sexuality? What exactly do you know about sex and sexuality? Surely, this topic deserves some of your attention, considering how uninformed or bad decisions can be detrimental to your well-being? How about learning what you should know so you can at least go out and get the necessary information?

Many women believe that they know enough about sex and sexuality – why wouldn’t they? They’ve dated, they know what’s going on, they’re street smart and no-one will take advantage of them. They know how to look after themselves, right?

Sex and sexuality are two distinct terms, which are often thought, incorrectly, to have the same meaning. While sex is an activity usually involving sexual intercourse between two persons, sexuality is a much broader term. Sexuality education is a lifelong process of acquiring information and forming attitudes, beliefs, and values of one’s sexuality. It encompasses sexual development, sexual and reproductive health, interpersonal relationships, affection, intimacy, body image, and gender roles.

Contrary to popular belief, sexuality education, HIV (Human immunodeficiency virus) or STI (sexually transmitted infections) prevention, and adolescent sexual education programs do not encourage the early start of sexual intercourse, the frequency of intercourse, or even an increase in the number of sexual partners among the young. Instead, understanding sexuality can actually delay the onset of intercourse, reduce the frequency of intercourse, reduce the number of sexual partners, and increase condom or contraceptive use.

These are some things a sexually informed woman ought to know:

- Sexual development and reproduction – the physical and emotional changes associated with puberty and sexual reproduction, including fertilisation and conception.

- HIV/STI and safer sex practices – information on HIV/ STI and modes of transmission, how to prevent yourself and your loved ones from these infections as well as where to go for medical advice if you ever contracted these infections

- Contraception and birth control – what contraceptives are available, how they work, how people use them, how to decide what to use or not, and how they can be obtained.

- Relationships – what kinds of relationships there are, love and commitment, marriage and partnership, the importance of self-esteem and communication skills in a relationship and the law relating to sexual behaviours and relationships as well as the range of religious and cultural views on sex, sexuality, and sexual diversity.

Some good web resources include: Scarleteen , WebMD, and HPB Sexual Health

I’d like you to really think about it, and answer (to yourself), honestly: What do you really know about the topics above? Are you making good decisions about your sexual health? Are you well informed about all these issues? And, if not, what can you do about it? Can you be not just street smart, but sex smart as well?

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counsellors and Therapists) as well as certified sexologist with American College of Sexologists with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit HERE.

Watch: Orgasm Inc. in Singapore!

I am really pleased that Sinema is screening Orgasm Inc. Orgasm Inc. is a powerful look inside the medical industry and the marketing campaigns that are literally and figuratively reshaping our everyday lives around health, illness, desire - and that ultimate moment: orgasm. I blogged about this movie in May last year and am so glad it is finally here!

Sinema has invited me to run a special one-hour pre-movie talk before their Sat 10 Dec, 5:30p.m. screening. Enter the code ideas2action to receive a S$2 discount off the usual price of S$9 when making your payment online here.

So see you at Sat 10 Dec, 4 - 5p.m. for my FREE one-hour pre-movie talk! Register for it here. If you have questions, do email me here.

Watch Slut Tease

SLUT TEASE from SlutWalkSG on Vimeo.

In a bid to contextualize SlutWalk Singapore, the official programme kicks off with a full first day of workshops, talks and discussions, touching on issues surrounding sexual assault, victim-blaming/slut-shaming, sexuality and consent. [Find SlutWalk SG Part Two here ]

The first of six presenters for SlutTalk, I will be exploring Sex, Sexuality, and Intimacy on Sat 3 Dec at 2p.m.

You may also wish to attend Slut Screen on Sun 27 Nov, 5 - 8p.m.

Cazwell - Ice Cream Truck

Fun video about ice cream and what else is yummy down under.

Do Good: Le Flea Boutique

Le Flea Boutique - Part Deux
The Pre-loved Fashion Fair that had everyone talking is back again and this time it's bigger, better and even more stylish.

100% of proceeds from the sale and the $5 entry donation will go towards Action for AIDS Singapore. Being the weekend before World AIDS Day, shopaholics can rejoice in knowing that every dollar they spend will support this worthy cause. More here!

Media: Not tonight, I have a headache

This article first appeared in the October 2011 issue of Ezyhealth & Beauty magazine. Click on the image to read.

Sex News in Asia - 11/7/11

This article first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.

Singaporehttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

• Commentary: Antiquated ideals on marriage and statehood? Does the concept of “marriageable age” still hold relevance today? Of course, I am not pretending that biological clocks for procreation do not exist but surely that is a separate issue to marriage?


• Slutwalk comes to Singapore. Singapore women are striding forth and getting into the global movement on Dec 4. But you don't have to dress like a slut to take part in SlutWalk Singapore.


• Straits Times Forum: Improve job security for pregnant contract employees. I was nearly six months pregnant when my employer issued a contract termination letter, giving me a month's notice.

Malaysia

• Malaysian police ban gay rights festival. Other reports are here and here.


• Malaysian authorities plan to outlaw a book about sex published by a group of Muslim women who call themselves the Obedient Wives Club and advocate subservience to husbands.

Indonesia

• Indonesia's gay community hails first clinic

India

• SlutWalk Bangalore aims to be a movement that brings attention to the endless cases of sexual abuse and narrow-minded practices of judgement and victim blaming that follow thereafter. It aims to be a movement that will work towards generating positive and affirmative action that will help tackle these issues. This is their Facebook page.


• Girl set on fire after resisting rape attempt in India

View last’s week Sex News in Asia here.

Disclaimer: Some of these media reports may portray sex and sexuality in a negative light. I am merely re-reporting them and may not always agree with the reports or opinions expressed.

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexologist with American College of Sexologists with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Media: Clearing the air on G-spot and female ejaculation

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

As the only certified sexologist and certified sexuality educator in Singapore, there is a wide array of sexuality questions I am asked. However, there are three questions that I continue to be asked, usually worded slightly differently, but the same ones again and again.

They involve a mysterious spot in a woman’s body, whether men have such a spot, and if women urinate during sex. Here are the answers:

1. Does the female G-spot exist?

The existence of the female G-spot (named after Ernst Gräfenberg) is a controversy that rages on to this day. In early January, scientists at King’s College, London, declared that the G-spot does not exist, so women need not feel inadequate. Three weeks later, a group of French gynaecologists launched a counter-attack on what they called a “totalitarian” approach to female sexuality.

The G-spot is also known as the Corpus spongiosum, urethral sponge, and female prostate. Most easily located when the women is sexually aroused, it can often be felt by pressing on the interior front wall of the vagina with a finger or sex toy, and may produce increased pleasurable sensations when stimulated. You need to move your finger in a “come here” motion. Try also thrusting or circular movements. Ask her what feels best. The G-Spot varies in size for different women. It can be about the size of a Singapore five-cent or twenty-cent coin. Rather than be caught up with whether she has a G-spot or not, it is important to remember that there is no single best way to have sex.

2. Do men have a G-spot?

The male G-spot is also known as his prostate gland. It is not in the anus but can be stimulated through the rectal wall, approximately two inches in and facing toward his belly, the prostate gland is a chestnut-sized gland just below the bladder and next to the rectum. After locating his prostate, you can stimulate it to see what he enjoys – whether it is continuous but consistent pressure, flicking it or using a sex toy that vibrates against it.

Some men experience intense orgasms when their prostate glands are stimulated. Others simply enjoy a great deal of pleasure while some men don’t enjoy the sensation at all. Be gentle, and as with anything take your cues from his reactions. He will let you know by his movements and body positioning what he wants.

3. Is there such a thing as the female ejaculation?

The female ejaculation is not a myth or circus trick. We have a bladder and paraurethral glands, both of which can and often do contain fluids. When we put pressure on those areas or the areas surrounding them, that fluid sometimes squirts out. This pressure can be due to how arousal expands things in and around our genitals, and due to actual pressure put by fingers, hands or anything else during sex.

Women who do ejaculate do so due to extensive and targeted G-spot stimulus, internal and external clitoral stimulus, or – and most commonly – a combination of the two. However, this fluid is not urine, even though it’s possible some elements of urine are in the mix, or that sometimes, women ejaculating are actually urinating. Having said that, not all women ejaculate, and even for those who do, most do not ejaculate all the time.

My primary concern is that we do not label people who cannot seem to find their G-spot, man or woman, as “dysfunctional”. Since there is no one single or best way to have sex, please do not ignore everything else, worry about whether one is normal and be fixated about a singular “spot”. However, if you like to learn about your body, try to locate your G-spot, or learn how to ejaculate as a woman, go ahead. What is most important is that you are having fun when doing so.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Media: Wear your Raincoat

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

Think of coverings that protect you from inclement weather – whether it’s a raincoat, umbrella, or jacket. Now think of sex. What do you think of?

That’s right. I am talking about condoms. The questions below are some of the most commonly asked questions I receive about one of the most common contraceptive methods – the prophylactic for males.

What must I look out for when buying a condom?

You may wish to look out for the size of the condom, to ensure a better fit. Most quality condom brands indicate the size of the condom on the box. Some safety precautions include checking if the box is sealed and that the expiration date is at least six months from your date of purchase.

How do you know if the condom is right for a man?

He may wish to measure the length of his penis with a ruler, followed by the girth with a tape measure around the base. These two dimensions will give you a better idea of what type of condoms you should be getting. Besides putting on the condom properly, the effectiveness of a condom and the sexual pleasure possible is largely dependent on getting a correct fit.

But aren’t condoms extremely stretchable?

While it is true that condoms can stretch to many times their normal size, men with larger penises may experience condom breakage more frequently than men with typical or smaller-sized penises. In addition, if a condom is too short, some STIs (sexually-transmitted infections) could be transmitted between the exposed part of the penis and the partner.

What if his penis curves at an angle?

It is normal for penises to have some curvature. Having some curvature does not mean you need a special kind of condom. Latex is very thin and flexible, so any kind of condom will work just as well for men with curvature as they will for men without.

What are some precautions to note when putting on a condom?

A lot of guys tend to put their condoms in their pockets, wallet or the glove compartment in their car out of convenience. They do not always realise that the heat from the vehicle or wallet can compromise the quality of the condom. Condoms kept in pockets or wallets may be more likely to tear due to the friction caused by rubbing during sitting and walking.

Do you still need to use a condom if she is on birth control pills?

The Pill is an effective method of birth control when used properly. However, it does not protect against HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases, as the condom can. Some women are prone to yeast and vaginal infections and condoms can ease related anxieties, helping to make sex even better. Even couples in monogamous relationships I know continue using condoms because of the convenience in cleaning up afterwards. There are so many types of condoms on the market – textured, flavoured, etc. – which are just as safe as the plain ones. I am certain you will be able to find a one good for you.

Can I use the condom in water?

Condoms are perfectly safe to use in water. Having sex in water can be tricky because the lubrication (whether vaginal or from the condom) tends to get rinsed away. Without enough lubrication, the friction can cause the condom to break. Therefore, you may wish to use silicon-based lubricants which do not rinse away as easily, yet are perfectly safe when used with latex. Also, it is easier to put your condom and lubricant on when outside of water.

What is going on? I feel a burning sensation after using a condom!

Check for a latex allergy. There are other types of condoms on the market which are for those allergic to latex. For instance, Durex Avanti is for those allergic to latex. Are you using a thick condom? Extra thick condoms really don’t provide any extra protection. So using regular or ultra-thin is just fine.

With perfect use, condoms are highly effective, around 98%. Be safe and remember to wear your “raincoat”.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Sex News in Asia - 10/31/11

This article first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.

Asia

• Commonwealth countries will be urged to repeal anti-gay laws, which are still on the books in 41 of 54 Commonwealth member countries, at a leaders’ summit to be held in Perth, Australia.


• Girls’ Generation and the New Korean Wave. In a research paper by Ahn Shin-Hyun for the Samsung Economic Research Institute, the focus is Girls’ Generation, a group of nine young women who are in large part responsible for spreading demand for K-pop, as it is known, beyond Japan and Southeast Asia to include North and South America, Europe, and the Middle East.


• Foreign brides on the rise across Asia. For instance, in Korea foreign brides accounted for 8 percent of all marriages in 2007 compared with fewer than 1 percent prior to 1994 while for Japan the percentage has risen from 2 percent to 5 percent over a roughly similar period. In Taiwan the number is 22 percent and Hong Kong 39 percent (mostly from mainland China) and Singapore up to 40 percent – though the latter number partly reflects the very large foreign resident population in the city state.

Singapore

• Middle-aged Vietnamese women have replaced their Chinese counterparts in offering sex to elderly men and retirees along Chinatown.


• Singapore is still waiting for the Court of Appeal to rule on a constitutional challenge to the gay sex law. Fridae looks at the personalities behind the case.


• Singapore’s medical tourism industry, widely known for its forte in cosmetic surgery and high-class health examinations, drew over 410,000 medical tourists annually.


• In the run-up to the Singapore Writers Festival, Fridae is interviewing some of the openly queer writers who’ll be featured in the program. This week, we profile Singaporean web diva Pat Law.


• Yahoo Singapore interviews me.

Malaysia

• Malaysia’s only sexuality rights festival is back for its fourth edition with its theme – Queer Without Fear – to “highlight how homophobia and transphobia have negatively affected and continues to affect the lives of untold numbers of Malaysians who are discriminated against and persecuted because of their sexual orientations and gender identities.”


• There was no bended knee or engagement ring. Instead, one man took out a “job advertisement” to ensure he lands the object of his affection of eight years.

Indonesia

• Dubbed as the country’s first certified female sex therapist, Zoya highlights the importance of women showing initiative in their sex lives as initial step to their own empowerment.


• An Australian male teacher charged with raping three former pupils has been extradited to Indonesia where he faces a 15-year jail term if convicted.

India

• More than 200 Indian girls whose names mean “unwanted” in Hindi have chosen new names for a fresh start in life. A central Indian district held a renaming ceremony Saturday that it hopes will give the girls new dignity and help fight widespread gender discrimination that gives India a skewed gender ratio, with far more boys than girls. Another report is here.

China

• As Shanghai’s week-long pride festival kicked off over the weekend, the festival website with details of the events – shanghaipride.com – has been effectively blocked by a firewall.


• Jennifer Chang, one-half of a lesbian couple who left their San Francisco home in June to travel the world for a year in search of “Supergays” who are creating change for the LGBTQ community, shares her experiences about managing her mother and negotiating coming out to her extended family in Taipei.


• China’s one-child policy has prevented almost half a billion births but has turned into a demographic time bomb as the population ages, storing up huge economic and social problems for the country.

Hong Kong

• Hong Kong mothers march against mainland babies. More than 1000 protesters, including pregnant mothers, marched in Hong Kong Sunday opposing the growing number of mainland Chinese women coming to the city to give birth, organisers said.

View last’s week Sex News in Asia here.

Disclaimer: Some of these media reports may portray sex and sexuality in a negative light. I am merely re-reporting them and may not always agree with the reports or opinions expressed.

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexologist with American College of Sexologists with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Kissing 101: The DOs and DON’Ts

This article first appeared on HowtoKiss.com.sg, a micro site belonging to Eros Coaching.

For some people, a kiss is just a simple greeting. However, many people would agree that the most satisfying purpose behind a kiss is to show affection for another. If, for some reason, you are lost for words trying to declare your emotions, keep this in mind: When words can’t express how you feel, always seal it with a kiss.

For someone who never had any experience with kissing, the practice may be nerve-wracking or outright scary. Everyone wants it to be special and perfect. Below are a few tips to achieve that spectacular moment:

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  Look for a perfect spot – Kissing requires intimacy between you and your partner. Any distraction in the middle of a lip lock session is a no-no. Regardless of how good it is at the start, if it has been interrupted, the moment is already ruined.


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  Always carry a breath freshener – The sensation of smell can stimulate emotions. Kissing someone with fresh breath is always a prelude to more passionate things to come.


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  Keep your eyes closed when kissing – It is another way of showing your passion. At the same time, let out your emotions by using your hands to touch in order to heighten the sensation. Kissing with eyes wide-open is way too creepy.


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  Slowly kiss back – Don’t be a cold cadaver. Respond gently with slow movements. This will prevent you from bumping into each other’s teeth. It is surprising that the slower it is, the hotter it will be. Keep in mind that in order for a kiss to be fun, it should be similar to a sluggish two-way street.


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  Observe kissing etiquette – Good manners still matter even in passionate instances. Never laugh while kissing. Additionally, avoid being messy with saliva. Although these practices might be acceptable for some (especially once you know your partner better), it is generally considered to be rude.


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  Relax and breathe – Don’t be stiff. Kissing is supposed to be fun. Let your muscles loosen up.

Aside from its sensual nature, kissing should be both romantic and fun. Be confident and always go with the flow. There is no reason for you not to savor that passionate moment.

This article first appeared on HowtoKiss.com.sg, a micro site belonging to Eros Coaching.

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.