From 1981
I'm A Hard Workin' Dog
From the 1980’s
I love being a pig (cartoon version)
A cartoon about a pig in his mud puddle
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Sesame Street Wisdom: Self Acceptance
I'm Proud To Be A Cow
From 1981
I'm A Hard Workin' Dog
From the 1980’s
I love being a pig (cartoon version)
A cartoon about a pig in his mud puddle
From 1981
I'm A Hard Workin' Dog
From the 1980’s
I love being a pig (cartoon version)
A cartoon about a pig in his mud puddle
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Media: Pouring 'Cold' Water
This piece first appeared on The Online Citizen.
Have you ever poured ‘cold water’ over somebody else’s happiness?
In a literal translation from the Chinese language, ‘pouring cold water’ means dousing the flames of passion. This usually happens when the opposite party is feeling elated about a new love, promotion or business deal, and somebody comes along and ruins the ‘moment’.
Many moons ago, after I bumped into a friend and shared the news of my impending marriage, I was shocked beyond words when, after enquiring about the age of the groom (8 years older as a matter of fact), she said, “Yeah I am not surprised you are marrying somebody so much older. You have always been very childish.”
This came from somebody whom I had not met for over two years. We all change with time. What made her think she still knew the person I was two years ago? And who asked for her opinion? By calling me childish, what did it say about her? I was silent and kept my distance from this ‘friend’.
The marriage did end five years later but, for reasons I will not go into in this piece, the end was neither hastened nor due to my ‘childishness’.
Having rekindled lost friendships following the marriage, I was invited to the wedding of an ex-schoolmate from my Polytechnic. The only person I knew at my table was a polytechnic classmate who had brought his wife and infant son. I cooed at the adorable boy, watching as the parents fussed over him.
Out of the blue moon, this classmate said, “Don’t worry. You will be happy one day.”
In his two sentences, was he implying that:
1) I was worried that I was now single?
2) I was not happy being single?
3) I will only be happy one day after I get re-married and/ or have a child?
In reality, having come out of a psychologically abusive marriage, I couldn’t have been happier for myself. I was beginning to feel like the ‘old me’, and finally feeling hopeful and positive about life again.
Yet across from me, once again, was this classmate I hadn’t met for a good six years, telling me, in not so many words, that I was doomed for misery, and should be worried because I was alone. His thinking that one can only be happy as a member of a partnership was warped.
Don’t get me wrong; it is only human to want to love and be loved. There is much happiness and joy in being in a romantic relationship. I loved being in a relationship, being married, and growing as a person from it. Again, he was passing judgment – his verdict on my state of happiness.
In a few months time, I am planning to get married for the second time to an absolutely amazing person.
Already I am hearing reactions like, “Good!”, “Congrats!”, “It’s about time!”. The less tactful relatives are saying, “Yeah you shouldn’t be alone,” or better yet, “Don’t wait too long before you try for a baby”.
So according to the people around me so far, marrying somebody older is for people who are ‘childish’; being alone means being ‘worried’ and ‘not happy’; being married is ‘good’ and guarantees ‘not being alone’.
People can say what they want. There might be some ‘cold water’ thrown at me over this second marriage too. I will take it all in my own stride. You can only live your life the way you think is best for you.
And, well-meaning people, please think twice before you speak. Start recognising when you are already passing judgment when you say things like ‘Good’, ‘Too Bad’ and the like. You might mean well or are only trying to be kind. However, in reality, you may not necessarily be ‘helping’ but ‘pouring cold water’.
———-
Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.
Have you ever poured ‘cold water’ over somebody else’s happiness?
In a literal translation from the Chinese language, ‘pouring cold water’ means dousing the flames of passion. This usually happens when the opposite party is feeling elated about a new love, promotion or business deal, and somebody comes along and ruins the ‘moment’.
Many moons ago, after I bumped into a friend and shared the news of my impending marriage, I was shocked beyond words when, after enquiring about the age of the groom (8 years older as a matter of fact), she said, “Yeah I am not surprised you are marrying somebody so much older. You have always been very childish.”
This came from somebody whom I had not met for over two years. We all change with time. What made her think she still knew the person I was two years ago? And who asked for her opinion? By calling me childish, what did it say about her? I was silent and kept my distance from this ‘friend’.
The marriage did end five years later but, for reasons I will not go into in this piece, the end was neither hastened nor due to my ‘childishness’.
Having rekindled lost friendships following the marriage, I was invited to the wedding of an ex-schoolmate from my Polytechnic. The only person I knew at my table was a polytechnic classmate who had brought his wife and infant son. I cooed at the adorable boy, watching as the parents fussed over him.
Out of the blue moon, this classmate said, “Don’t worry. You will be happy one day.”
In his two sentences, was he implying that:
1) I was worried that I was now single?
2) I was not happy being single?
3) I will only be happy one day after I get re-married and/ or have a child?
In reality, having come out of a psychologically abusive marriage, I couldn’t have been happier for myself. I was beginning to feel like the ‘old me’, and finally feeling hopeful and positive about life again.
Yet across from me, once again, was this classmate I hadn’t met for a good six years, telling me, in not so many words, that I was doomed for misery, and should be worried because I was alone. His thinking that one can only be happy as a member of a partnership was warped.
Don’t get me wrong; it is only human to want to love and be loved. There is much happiness and joy in being in a romantic relationship. I loved being in a relationship, being married, and growing as a person from it. Again, he was passing judgment – his verdict on my state of happiness.
In a few months time, I am planning to get married for the second time to an absolutely amazing person.
Already I am hearing reactions like, “Good!”, “Congrats!”, “It’s about time!”. The less tactful relatives are saying, “Yeah you shouldn’t be alone,” or better yet, “Don’t wait too long before you try for a baby”.
So according to the people around me so far, marrying somebody older is for people who are ‘childish’; being alone means being ‘worried’ and ‘not happy’; being married is ‘good’ and guarantees ‘not being alone’.
People can say what they want. There might be some ‘cold water’ thrown at me over this second marriage too. I will take it all in my own stride. You can only live your life the way you think is best for you.
And, well-meaning people, please think twice before you speak. Start recognising when you are already passing judgment when you say things like ‘Good’, ‘Too Bad’ and the like. You might mean well or are only trying to be kind. However, in reality, you may not necessarily be ‘helping’ but ‘pouring cold water’.
———-
Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The Bear
Pro condom ad
CREDITS
Production Company: Zeitsprung Commercial
Writer/Director: Florian Meimberg
Producer: Fredy Messmer
DoP: Tobias Rupp
Editor: Dieter Reit
Music: Krueger Wilckens Hamburg
CREDITS
Production Company: Zeitsprung Commercial
Writer/Director: Florian Meimberg
Producer: Fredy Messmer
DoP: Tobias Rupp
Editor: Dieter Reit
Music: Krueger Wilckens Hamburg
Monday, September 27, 2010
Love. What is your take on it?
All The Ladies is a project by Action for AIDS to document the women we find in our everyday life - on the streets, in supermarkets, at the bank or the post office, at school and at work, on the bus, and even in our train carriages. It is not about the fashions they wear, but the thoughts that wear them.
The project aims to raise women's awareness for HIV/AIDS, and empower women to view regular HIV screening as a right to good health, and a responsibility if they are sexually-active.
I am a volunteer videographer for this project and the first of six themes is: What is love?
All the ladies (in order of appearance):
Angeline Tng
Madeline Lin
Michelle Ong
Grace Lee
Michelle Chua
Su Ru
Wong Wan Chi
The video contributors:
Chung Hui Keng
Jacqueline Tang
Martha Lee
Become a fan of All the Ladies!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/All-the-Ladies/143250399045092
The project aims to raise women's awareness for HIV/AIDS, and empower women to view regular HIV screening as a right to good health, and a responsibility if they are sexually-active.
I am a volunteer videographer for this project and the first of six themes is: What is love?
All the ladies (in order of appearance):
Angeline Tng
Madeline Lin
Michelle Ong
Grace Lee
Michelle Chua
Su Ru
Wong Wan Chi
The video contributors:
Chung Hui Keng
Jacqueline Tang
Martha Lee
Become a fan of All the Ladies!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/All-the-Ladies/143250399045092
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Media: I'd Rather Not Say
This piece first appeared on The Online Citizen.
I was on the MRT train with a new friend the other day, and he asked me what caused my marriage to end.
We were both standing, dangling from different handrail supports. I looked around. We were surrounded by a lot of other commuters. This person is not exactly soft-spoken either.
I replied, “It’s complex. I’ll tell you another day.”
“How complex can it be? It can only be a few things: money… religion… affair…,” he rattled off.
I remained silent.
First of all, I wasn’t ready to dismiss six years of my life (including courtship) with a one-word answer.
Secondly, there were many reasons for the divorce, none of which are convenient, one-word answers I have stashed away for just such an occasion.
Lastly, I wasn’t ready to spill my guts out on a noisy train.
The episode made me recall the many times upon which I have been asked for the reasons which led to my divorce.
The first person who had any inkling of something wrong with my marriage was my work colleague. My eyes were puffy from crying and she asked what was wrong. She was silent for the most part.
The only time she showed any reaction was when I told her how I had spent the previous night packing away my then husband’s things. Uncertain if the things being stored away would ever see light of day, I described how, with tears in my eyes, I had to go through each item – every single one of them triggering memories of a happier time. They were now objects that further pierced and added to the constant dull pain in my heart. I was fearful and unsure of what the future held. At this point, she started tearing up. Being married herself, she knew my pain. It was enough.
I then told my girl friends, many of whom were my ex-colleagues. They empathised yet did not know what to do. Except for one, none of them were married and had difficulties imagining, much less comprehending, what I was going through.
I had to tell my parents. I received their unconditional love and support.
I was married at age 21 and divorced by 26.
Very quickly, I began to resent being repeatedly asked at job interviews, networking events, social functions and all manner of forms, including lucky draws, about my marital status.
“Are you single or married?”
“Actually, I am divorced.”
“What happened?”
In the first place, who are you? I met you less than three seconds ago! What makes you think you are privy to my private life? And isn’t what happened in my private life my own business?
Enquiring about one’s marital status cannot be likened to talking about the weather, chatting about the soccer news or exchanging other pleasantries. Yet unbelievably, it kept happening!
Initially, it was therapeutic to be asked and have the opportunity to talk about what happened with those close to me. Sometimes, I would go into some of the reasons with an empathetic person. Yet many moons later, I still find myself being plagued with insensitive, inappropriate and downright rude questions about my divorce.
Nobody taught me what to say. There is no finishing school for divorcees.
I have learnt to say:
“I know you are concerned about me. This happened a long time ago. I am all right now. I have no problems talking about my divorce, but let’s talk about it at another, more appropriate, time.”
“I will tell you about my divorce when we become closer friends.”
Or simply, “I’d rather not talk about this now.”
I am no longer defensive about my divorce. I have made peace with my past and have no problems talking about it. I also have no issues with declining to talk about it – including when I’m on a packed train.
There have been many times when I have wished for greater sensitivity towards the very personal pain I was going through. I had often wondered why “I’d rather not say” did not suffice. This was, after all, something that has absolutely no bearing on their quality of life, and frankly, was none of their business.
Granted, it is a reflection of the individual person, but since it happened to me so many times, I cannot help but feel it is also telling of how we fare as a society – high on the I.Q. (Intellectual Quotient), low on the E.Q. (Emotional Quotient).
———–
Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.
I was on the MRT train with a new friend the other day, and he asked me what caused my marriage to end.
We were both standing, dangling from different handrail supports. I looked around. We were surrounded by a lot of other commuters. This person is not exactly soft-spoken either.
I replied, “It’s complex. I’ll tell you another day.”
“How complex can it be? It can only be a few things: money… religion… affair…,” he rattled off.
I remained silent.
First of all, I wasn’t ready to dismiss six years of my life (including courtship) with a one-word answer.
Secondly, there were many reasons for the divorce, none of which are convenient, one-word answers I have stashed away for just such an occasion.
Lastly, I wasn’t ready to spill my guts out on a noisy train.
The episode made me recall the many times upon which I have been asked for the reasons which led to my divorce.
The first person who had any inkling of something wrong with my marriage was my work colleague. My eyes were puffy from crying and she asked what was wrong. She was silent for the most part.
The only time she showed any reaction was when I told her how I had spent the previous night packing away my then husband’s things. Uncertain if the things being stored away would ever see light of day, I described how, with tears in my eyes, I had to go through each item – every single one of them triggering memories of a happier time. They were now objects that further pierced and added to the constant dull pain in my heart. I was fearful and unsure of what the future held. At this point, she started tearing up. Being married herself, she knew my pain. It was enough.
I then told my girl friends, many of whom were my ex-colleagues. They empathised yet did not know what to do. Except for one, none of them were married and had difficulties imagining, much less comprehending, what I was going through.
I had to tell my parents. I received their unconditional love and support.
I was married at age 21 and divorced by 26.
Very quickly, I began to resent being repeatedly asked at job interviews, networking events, social functions and all manner of forms, including lucky draws, about my marital status.
“Are you single or married?”
“Actually, I am divorced.”
“What happened?”
In the first place, who are you? I met you less than three seconds ago! What makes you think you are privy to my private life? And isn’t what happened in my private life my own business?
Enquiring about one’s marital status cannot be likened to talking about the weather, chatting about the soccer news or exchanging other pleasantries. Yet unbelievably, it kept happening!
Initially, it was therapeutic to be asked and have the opportunity to talk about what happened with those close to me. Sometimes, I would go into some of the reasons with an empathetic person. Yet many moons later, I still find myself being plagued with insensitive, inappropriate and downright rude questions about my divorce.
Nobody taught me what to say. There is no finishing school for divorcees.
I have learnt to say:
“I know you are concerned about me. This happened a long time ago. I am all right now. I have no problems talking about my divorce, but let’s talk about it at another, more appropriate, time.”
“I will tell you about my divorce when we become closer friends.”
Or simply, “I’d rather not talk about this now.”
I am no longer defensive about my divorce. I have made peace with my past and have no problems talking about it. I also have no issues with declining to talk about it – including when I’m on a packed train.
There have been many times when I have wished for greater sensitivity towards the very personal pain I was going through. I had often wondered why “I’d rather not say” did not suffice. This was, after all, something that has absolutely no bearing on their quality of life, and frankly, was none of their business.
Granted, it is a reflection of the individual person, but since it happened to me so many times, I cannot help but feel it is also telling of how we fare as a society – high on the I.Q. (Intellectual Quotient), low on the E.Q. (Emotional Quotient).
———–
Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Video on HIV: Child's Play
Child's Play, a short movie about living with HIV in Cambodia
This is a short movie about kids living with HIV in Cambodia. It's my first attempt at making a movie, and the same could be said for the actors and crew. It's full of errors and things I'd like to change, but I'm proud of what we did. And next time we'll do better! It was filmed on location in four days at Wat Opot Children's Community (www.watopot.org).
This is a short movie about kids living with HIV in Cambodia. It's my first attempt at making a movie, and the same could be said for the actors and crew. It's full of errors and things I'd like to change, but I'm proud of what we did. And next time we'll do better! It was filmed on location in four days at Wat Opot Children's Community (www.watopot.org).
Thursday, September 23, 2010
What Does An Orgasm Feel Like?
They can be small...big....they can creep up on you...there can be peaks and valleys with a ton of build up. Most likely you're having them and you don't know it.
Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross explores women's relationships to sex, money, and power to advance the ways we love, create, govern, and raise the next generation.
Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross explores women's relationships to sex, money, and power to advance the ways we love, create, govern, and raise the next generation.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Know Your Age of Consent
Description:
Your Uncle Merv knows a handy song for helping you remember your state Ages of Consent. Keep in mind that a given state's "age of consent" varies depending on the situation, so be sure to brush up on all relevant local statutes before trying any of this at home. Thanks Uncle Merv!
CAST
Uncle Merv - Ryan Hunter
Cop - Jesse Patch
State Senators - Aaron Gaines, Taige Jensen, Ethan Van Duzer, Dominik Rothbard
CREW
Writing, Directing, Music, Post-Production - Ryan Hunter
Camera - Taige Jensen
Wardrobe - Ryan Hall
Special Thanks - Jesse Patch, Taige Jensen, Dallas Jensen, Todd Schaeffer, Dylan Steinberg, Jenn Lyon, Yahea Abdulla
Inspired by the song "Wakko's America" from the show Animaniacs.
Your Uncle Merv knows a handy song for helping you remember your state Ages of Consent. Keep in mind that a given state's "age of consent" varies depending on the situation, so be sure to brush up on all relevant local statutes before trying any of this at home. Thanks Uncle Merv!
CAST
Uncle Merv - Ryan Hunter
Cop - Jesse Patch
State Senators - Aaron Gaines, Taige Jensen, Ethan Van Duzer, Dominik Rothbard
CREW
Writing, Directing, Music, Post-Production - Ryan Hunter
Camera - Taige Jensen
Wardrobe - Ryan Hall
Special Thanks - Jesse Patch, Taige Jensen, Dallas Jensen, Todd Schaeffer, Dylan Steinberg, Jenn Lyon, Yahea Abdulla
Inspired by the song "Wakko's America" from the show Animaniacs.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
How to be Alone
A video by fiilmaker, Andrea Dorfman, and poet/singer/songwriter, Tanya Davis.
Davis wrote the beautiful poem and performed in the video which Dorfman directed, shot, animated by hand and edited. The video was shot in Halifax, Nova Scotia and was produced by Bravo!FACT http://www.bravofact.com/
For more information on Tanya, go to http://www.tanyadavis.ca or visit her facebook page. You can purchase her first two CDs Make A List and Gorgeous Morning on iTunes and look out for her third CD which will be released in the fall!
For more information on Andrea Dorfman, visit her facebook page .
Monday, September 20, 2010
Media: Sex is Good for You
The article first appeared in the September issue of Ezyhealth magazine. To read, click on the image.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Hormonal Contraceptive Methods
Birth Control Pills
Birth control pills are a kind of medication that women can take daily to prevent pregnancy. They are also sometimes called the pill or oral contraception. Birth control pills are made of hormones. Hormones are chemicals made in our bodies. They control how different parts of our bodies work. The hormones in the pill work by keeping a womans ovaries from releasing eggs — ovulation. Pregnancy cannot happen if there is no egg to join with sperm. The hormones in the pill also prevent pregnancy by thickening a womans cervical mucus. The mucus blocks sperm and keeps it from joining with an egg.
For more, click here.
The Morning After Pill
Emergency contraception (EC) is a safe and effective way to prevent pregnancy after unprotected intercourse. It can be started up to five days (120 hours) after unprotected intercourse.
For more, click here.
What Is Depo-Provera, the Birth Control Shot?
The birth control shot is an injection of a hormone that prevents pregnancy. Each shot prevents pregnancy for three months. The shot is also known by the brand name Depo-Provera, or by the name of the medicine in the shot, DMPA.
For more, click here.
Birth control pills are a kind of medication that women can take daily to prevent pregnancy. They are also sometimes called the pill or oral contraception. Birth control pills are made of hormones. Hormones are chemicals made in our bodies. They control how different parts of our bodies work. The hormones in the pill work by keeping a womans ovaries from releasing eggs — ovulation. Pregnancy cannot happen if there is no egg to join with sperm. The hormones in the pill also prevent pregnancy by thickening a womans cervical mucus. The mucus blocks sperm and keeps it from joining with an egg.
For more, click here.
The Morning After Pill
Emergency contraception (EC) is a safe and effective way to prevent pregnancy after unprotected intercourse. It can be started up to five days (120 hours) after unprotected intercourse.
For more, click here.
What Is Depo-Provera, the Birth Control Shot?
The birth control shot is an injection of a hormone that prevents pregnancy. Each shot prevents pregnancy for three months. The shot is also known by the brand name Depo-Provera, or by the name of the medicine in the shot, DMPA.
For more, click here.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Sex and the King of Fruits
This piece first appeared on The Online Citizen.
What is the relationship between sex and durians? Is there any at all?
Since I am paid for my time, I like to use metaphors and analogies to make sure that I get my intended message across in the most effective way in the shortest amount of time. This has a lot to do with my first career in corporate communications: where time is of the essence and clear, simple messages often work best.
When I hear of adverse reactions to male ejaculatory fluid, also known as semen, I ask follow-up questions to better understand the aversion.
“What is it about the ‘cum’ that you don’t like?”
“Is it the taste, smell, or look?”
Sometimes I find a discrepancy. There might be an assumption that because the semen looks ‘disgusting’ to the person concerned, it will smell or taste bad. Or the fluid smells bad and so the taste should be equally horrible.
I never try to disregard or dismiss their feelings. Instead I use the analogy of a durian.
Widely known and revered in Southeast Asia as the ‘King of fruits’, the durian is distinctive for its large size, unique odour, and formidable thorn-covered husk. The fruit can grow as large as 30 centimetres (12 in) long and 15 centimetres (6 in) in diameter, and it typically weighs one to three kilograms (2 to 7 lb). Its shape ranges from oblong to round, the colour of its husk green to brown, and its flesh pale yellow to red, depending on the species.
Mention ‘durian’ and you evoke immediate and quite diverse reactions – from deep appreciation to intense disgust. The edible flesh emits a distinctive odour, strong and penetrating even when the husk is intact. Some people regard the durian as fragrant; others find the aroma overpowering and offensive. The odour has led to the fruit’s banishment from certain hotels and most public transportation in Southeast Asia.
You would think it stops there. But then there are those who like or do not mind the aroma but detest the taste. Or yet others dislike the odour, but in reality, do not mind the taste.
The smarter ones get it immediately the moment I say, “Think of the durian.”
Most times I elaborate, “Some people like the smell, but don’t like the taste. Others like the smell, but not the taste. So if you haven’t tried, how do you know you really don’t like it?”
The moment of ‘A-ha’ comes over their faces. A shift in perception takes place.
Granted, they might find the smell and taste appalling, but at the very least they would know it for themselves. And through repeated exposure, the perceived ‘offence’ might reduce and result in greater comfort with sexual expression.
————
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Durian
———–
Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.
What is the relationship between sex and durians? Is there any at all?
Since I am paid for my time, I like to use metaphors and analogies to make sure that I get my intended message across in the most effective way in the shortest amount of time. This has a lot to do with my first career in corporate communications: where time is of the essence and clear, simple messages often work best.
When I hear of adverse reactions to male ejaculatory fluid, also known as semen, I ask follow-up questions to better understand the aversion.
“What is it about the ‘cum’ that you don’t like?”
“Is it the taste, smell, or look?”
Sometimes I find a discrepancy. There might be an assumption that because the semen looks ‘disgusting’ to the person concerned, it will smell or taste bad. Or the fluid smells bad and so the taste should be equally horrible.
I never try to disregard or dismiss their feelings. Instead I use the analogy of a durian.
Widely known and revered in Southeast Asia as the ‘King of fruits’, the durian is distinctive for its large size, unique odour, and formidable thorn-covered husk. The fruit can grow as large as 30 centimetres (12 in) long and 15 centimetres (6 in) in diameter, and it typically weighs one to three kilograms (2 to 7 lb). Its shape ranges from oblong to round, the colour of its husk green to brown, and its flesh pale yellow to red, depending on the species.
Mention ‘durian’ and you evoke immediate and quite diverse reactions – from deep appreciation to intense disgust. The edible flesh emits a distinctive odour, strong and penetrating even when the husk is intact. Some people regard the durian as fragrant; others find the aroma overpowering and offensive. The odour has led to the fruit’s banishment from certain hotels and most public transportation in Southeast Asia.
You would think it stops there. But then there are those who like or do not mind the aroma but detest the taste. Or yet others dislike the odour, but in reality, do not mind the taste.
The smarter ones get it immediately the moment I say, “Think of the durian.”
Most times I elaborate, “Some people like the smell, but don’t like the taste. Others like the smell, but not the taste. So if you haven’t tried, how do you know you really don’t like it?”
The moment of ‘A-ha’ comes over their faces. A shift in perception takes place.
Granted, they might find the smell and taste appalling, but at the very least they would know it for themselves. And through repeated exposure, the perceived ‘offence’ might reduce and result in greater comfort with sexual expression.
————
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Durian
———–
Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Full Body Orgasms with Betty Dodson
Betty Dodson, the original masturbation liberationist and the first sex-positive feminist, describes the types of orgasms demonstrated (from the neck up) by sex experts and teachers, sex workers, porn stars and their liberated, sexy, expressive and kinky friends.
This is from the DVD Annie Sprinkle's Amazing World of Orgasm which can be streamed from The New School of Erotic Touch.
Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., is a sex worker turned sexologist and artist. She has researched sex for 35 years and shares what she learns through films, photographs, theater, and workshops. Annie has authored several books, including Dr. Sprinkle's Spectacular Sex - Make Over Your Love Life.
This is from the DVD Annie Sprinkle's Amazing World of Orgasm which can be streamed from The New School of Erotic Touch.
Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., is a sex worker turned sexologist and artist. She has researched sex for 35 years and shares what she learns through films, photographs, theater, and workshops. Annie has authored several books, including Dr. Sprinkle's Spectacular Sex - Make Over Your Love Life.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Book review: The Erotic Mind
The Erotic Mind: Unlock the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin
In this intriguing, insightful mix of analysis, anecdote and advice, San Francisco psychotherapist Morin developed an ‘erotic equation’ by drawing on the discussions of 351 respondents, straight and gay. This equation is: Attraction plus obstacles leads to excitement.
He also suggests that sexual obstacles in one's youth create lifelong scripts for arousal, while a range of feelings including exuberance, anxiety and anger can intensify arousal. Hence his non-judgmental analysis of the fantasies of the people reviewed for this book answers the basic question of: Why does what turn us on, turn us on?
Understanding our peak sexual experiences and fantasies offers the greatest opportunity for self-discovery and possibility of revitalizing sexual experiences. Morin advises readers to confront the unresolved feelings that produce ‘troublesome turn-ons’ and offers a seven-step guide to modifying or expanding one's erotic patterns. Morin observed that passion is hardly guaranteed in long-term relationships; but instead advises couples to recognize and address the interactive tension between intimacy and sexual desire.
This book is well organized, easy to follow and contains a wealth of fascinating information brought to life through the numerous personalized case studies.
Features:
• For anybody who is sexual!
• Invaluable book to understanding your sexual desires
• Contains self-administered Sexual Excitement Survey
• Includes numerous accounts of respondents
Publisher:
HarperCollins Publishers, Inc, 1997
In this intriguing, insightful mix of analysis, anecdote and advice, San Francisco psychotherapist Morin developed an ‘erotic equation’ by drawing on the discussions of 351 respondents, straight and gay. This equation is: Attraction plus obstacles leads to excitement.
He also suggests that sexual obstacles in one's youth create lifelong scripts for arousal, while a range of feelings including exuberance, anxiety and anger can intensify arousal. Hence his non-judgmental analysis of the fantasies of the people reviewed for this book answers the basic question of: Why does what turn us on, turn us on?
Understanding our peak sexual experiences and fantasies offers the greatest opportunity for self-discovery and possibility of revitalizing sexual experiences. Morin advises readers to confront the unresolved feelings that produce ‘troublesome turn-ons’ and offers a seven-step guide to modifying or expanding one's erotic patterns. Morin observed that passion is hardly guaranteed in long-term relationships; but instead advises couples to recognize and address the interactive tension between intimacy and sexual desire.
This book is well organized, easy to follow and contains a wealth of fascinating information brought to life through the numerous personalized case studies.
Features:
• For anybody who is sexual!
• Invaluable book to understanding your sexual desires
• Contains self-administered Sexual Excitement Survey
• Includes numerous accounts of respondents
Publisher:
HarperCollins Publishers, Inc, 1997
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Are you Pregorexic?
Newspapers have coined the term “pregorexia” to describe the preoccupation with weight control through extreme dieting and exercising while pregnant.
For more, click here.
For more, click here.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Tantric Sex Seminar
This is a funny video about tantric.
Roman Danylo (star of "Comedy Inc." on CTV and the Comedy Network) in the Tantric Sex Seminar sketch. Check out http://www.romandanylo.com for more info.
Roman Danylo (star of "Comedy Inc." on CTV and the Comedy Network) in the Tantric Sex Seminar sketch. Check out http://www.romandanylo.com for more info.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Are Made for Walkin'
"These Boots Are Made for Walkin'" is a pop song musically composed by Lee Hazlewood and first written and recorded by Nancy Sinatra. It was released in February 1966 and hit #1 in the United States and United Kingdom Pop charts. Subsequently, many cover versions of the song have been released in a range of styles: metal, pop, rock, punk rock, country, dance, and industrial.
You keep saying you got something for me
Something you call love but confess
You've been a'messin' where you shouldn't 've been a'messin'
And now someone else is getting all your best
Well, these boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you
You keep lyin' when you oughta be truthin'
You keep losing when you oughta not bet
You keep samin' when you oughta be a'changin'
What's right is right but you ain't been right yet
These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you
You keep playing where you shouldn't be playing
And you keep thinking that you'll never get burnt (HAH)
Well, I've just found me a brand new box of matches (YEAH)
And what he knows you ain't had time to learn
These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you
[SPOKEN]
Are you ready, boots?
Start walkin'
You keep saying you got something for me
Something you call love but confess
You've been a'messin' where you shouldn't 've been a'messin'
And now someone else is getting all your best
Well, these boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you
You keep lyin' when you oughta be truthin'
You keep losing when you oughta not bet
You keep samin' when you oughta be a'changin'
What's right is right but you ain't been right yet
These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you
You keep playing where you shouldn't be playing
And you keep thinking that you'll never get burnt (HAH)
Well, I've just found me a brand new box of matches (YEAH)
And what he knows you ain't had time to learn
These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you
[SPOKEN]
Are you ready, boots?
Start walkin'
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Natural Conceptive Methods
How Do Fertility Awareness-Based Methods Prevent Pregnancy?
Fertility awareness-based methods (FAMs) are ways to track ovulation — the release of an egg — in order to prevent pregnancy. Some people call FAMs "natural family planning."
For more, click here.
How Is Breastfeeding Used as Birth Control?
Breastfeeding can be used as birth control when, after giving birth, a woman breastfeeds her baby exclusively. That means the baby does not drink anything besides breast milk. The act of breastfeeding naturally changes a woman's hormones so that she does not become pregnant.
For more, click here.
Fertility awareness-based methods (FAMs) are ways to track ovulation — the release of an egg — in order to prevent pregnancy. Some people call FAMs "natural family planning."
For more, click here.
How Is Breastfeeding Used as Birth Control?
Breastfeeding can be used as birth control when, after giving birth, a woman breastfeeds her baby exclusively. That means the baby does not drink anything besides breast milk. The act of breastfeeding naturally changes a woman's hormones so that she does not become pregnant.
For more, click here.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Media: Zydena Launch
I spoke at the press conference launching Zydena in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia on 25 August.
Zydena (Udenafil) is the newest phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE5) inhibitor for erectile dysfunction (ED) in Malaysia. It comes in 100 mg and 200 mg tablet strengths and must be prescribed by a medical doctor.
I agree to speak at the event because I believe that it is important for the market to be aware of their options when it comes to ED, as well as for more people to recognise that they can and should approach their medical doctor to discuss their sexual concerns.
You can click through to read the media coverage.
25 Aug - The Malay Mail: Erectile dysfunction among Msian men on the rise
25 Aug - New Straits Times: New drug to help men overcome impotence
25 Aug - Red Tomato: Zydena® Introducing the safe and fast-working oral treatment for men with erectile dysfunction (ED)
25 Aug - AsiaOne: Singapore 'sexpert' gives advice on ED
6 Sept - Daily Chilli: Sexpert: sex isn't just about penetration
Zydena (Udenafil) is the newest phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE5) inhibitor for erectile dysfunction (ED) in Malaysia. It comes in 100 mg and 200 mg tablet strengths and must be prescribed by a medical doctor.
I agree to speak at the event because I believe that it is important for the market to be aware of their options when it comes to ED, as well as for more people to recognise that they can and should approach their medical doctor to discuss their sexual concerns.
You can click through to read the media coverage.
25 Aug - The Malay Mail: Erectile dysfunction among Msian men on the rise
25 Aug - New Straits Times: New drug to help men overcome impotence
25 Aug - Red Tomato: Zydena® Introducing the safe and fast-working oral treatment for men with erectile dysfunction (ED)
25 Aug - AsiaOne: Singapore 'sexpert' gives advice on ED
6 Sept - Daily Chilli: Sexpert: sex isn't just about penetration
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Media: Sin Chew Daily News
I was profiled in Sin Chew Daily News, the leading Chinese language newspapers in Malaysia on Mon 6 September 2010.
The article is here (in Chinese only).
The article is here (in Chinese only).
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Video of Ovulation
Video description
"Ovulation is the part of the menstrual cycle where the ovary releases an egg to be fertilized during conception, or sloughed off during a woman's period. This 3D medical animation depicts in exquisite detail: follicle development within the ovary, the movement of the fimbriae over the ovulation site before ovulation, the bursting of the egg from the ovary in a rush of fluid, delicate quality of the ciliated fimbriae and its movement to pick up the egg after ovulation, peristalsis of the fallopian tube to move the egg toward the uterus. Ovulation must take place in order for a woman to get pregnant, preceding the meeting of the male sperm during fertilization."
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
If the world were a village of 100 people
The world explained
The Miniature Earth
What has the world come to?
The Miniature Earth
What has the world come to?
Monday, September 6, 2010
Causing Pain: Real Stories of Dating Abuse and Violence
This 2006 Emmy nominated film about teen dating abuse and violence shows real teens telling their stories of dating abuse and violence. The film describes how dating abuse and violence starts, how it progresses, how the abuser acts, and how to recognize it.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Elderly Couple of 62 Years plays piano
Video description:
An elderly couple walked into the lobby of the Mayo Clinic for a checkup and spotted a piano. They've been married for 62 years and he'll be 90 this year. Check out this impromptu performance. We are only as old as we feel, it's all attitude. Enjoy!
An elderly couple walked into the lobby of the Mayo Clinic for a checkup and spotted a piano. They've been married for 62 years and he'll be 90 this year. Check out this impromptu performance. We are only as old as we feel, it's all attitude. Enjoy!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Media: Getting feedback after sex (Part 2 of 2)
This piece first appeared on The Online Citizen.
In a previous piece, I talked about the role of open- and closed-ended questions to get feedback from our partner after a sexual experience.
You might begin asking for sexual feedback by using a few open-ended questions. If your partner is not forthcoming, or you wish to get clearer answers, you could consider incorporating some closed-ended questions. What else could you try?
Scale of 1 to 10
This is where the scale could come in. This is how you might begin:
“On a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, what do you think of this (technique/position/etc.)? Give it a number.”
“How would you rank today’s (experience/ orgasm, etc) compared to the last time?”
Example: “Oh, I am just curious, why is this an eight, and that a six? What is it about this that makes it an eight? There is no right or wrong answer, baby (or add your own pet name). I love you and I want to learn more about you like.”
Using the scale method, you can drill down to get more specific feedback. You can use the scale to ask your partner, “How horny are you?” or “How much would you like to have sex today?” to get a sense of their desire for sex at that particular time. If you are at a level of ten and your partner a four, agree on a sexual activity that both of you would be willing to experience.
Or ask “How tired are you on a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest?”, to better understand how your partner is feeling physically, the amount of emotional support expected of you that evening, as well as whether sex is a possibility.
Code Words
Couples who have been together for some time say that they can gauge the ‘mood’ or even the response of their partner – most of the time. This is not fail proof. Unless you are a psychic or mind-reader, communication is indeed the key to a better sexual life.
How would you like to be able to communicate clearly, accurately, every single time on matters important to you? Consider using code words. A code word is a word or a phrase designed to convey a predetermined meaning to a receptive audience, while remaining inconspicuous to the uninitiated.
Take for instance: ‘Red’, ‘Yellow’ and ‘Green’.
No prizes for guessing that ‘Green’ means ‘Yes’, ‘Go ahead’, or ‘It’s okay’. ‘Yellow’ could represent ‘Slow down’, ‘You are in a danger zone’, or ‘Back up a bit’; whilst ‘Red’ is for ‘Stop right now’, ‘Danger’, or ‘No go’.
You can use code words to indicate arousal (getting there), plateau (don’t stop), or orgasm (release). They can state your level of readiness for penetrative sex or indicate a state of distress, such as if an anxiety or panic attack is about to happen.
You will do well to overcome any resistance in coming up with code words and using them if you explain that the use of code words does not mean you are not in love or distrust your partner, but simply a better way to communicate where you are. Code words help take the display of emotion out of your words.
Open- or closed-ended questions are simple enough to use. Incorporating a scale and code words to give or receive feedback might seem silly to you, yet they do work. Your partner needs to believe that you are receptive to sexual feedback. Encouraging your partner to open up and express sexual feelings and thoughts takes time. The more you communicate, the more you learn and understand about what makes your partner tick. Consequently, this increases your chances of having many wonderful sexual experiences. Keep at it. Good luck.
———–
Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.
In a previous piece, I talked about the role of open- and closed-ended questions to get feedback from our partner after a sexual experience.
You might begin asking for sexual feedback by using a few open-ended questions. If your partner is not forthcoming, or you wish to get clearer answers, you could consider incorporating some closed-ended questions. What else could you try?
Scale of 1 to 10
This is where the scale could come in. This is how you might begin:
“On a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, what do you think of this (technique/position/etc.)? Give it a number.”
“How would you rank today’s (experience/ orgasm, etc) compared to the last time?”
Example: “Oh, I am just curious, why is this an eight, and that a six? What is it about this that makes it an eight? There is no right or wrong answer, baby (or add your own pet name). I love you and I want to learn more about you like.”
Using the scale method, you can drill down to get more specific feedback. You can use the scale to ask your partner, “How horny are you?” or “How much would you like to have sex today?” to get a sense of their desire for sex at that particular time. If you are at a level of ten and your partner a four, agree on a sexual activity that both of you would be willing to experience.
Or ask “How tired are you on a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest?”, to better understand how your partner is feeling physically, the amount of emotional support expected of you that evening, as well as whether sex is a possibility.
Code Words
Couples who have been together for some time say that they can gauge the ‘mood’ or even the response of their partner – most of the time. This is not fail proof. Unless you are a psychic or mind-reader, communication is indeed the key to a better sexual life.
How would you like to be able to communicate clearly, accurately, every single time on matters important to you? Consider using code words. A code word is a word or a phrase designed to convey a predetermined meaning to a receptive audience, while remaining inconspicuous to the uninitiated.
Take for instance: ‘Red’, ‘Yellow’ and ‘Green’.
No prizes for guessing that ‘Green’ means ‘Yes’, ‘Go ahead’, or ‘It’s okay’. ‘Yellow’ could represent ‘Slow down’, ‘You are in a danger zone’, or ‘Back up a bit’; whilst ‘Red’ is for ‘Stop right now’, ‘Danger’, or ‘No go’.
You can use code words to indicate arousal (getting there), plateau (don’t stop), or orgasm (release). They can state your level of readiness for penetrative sex or indicate a state of distress, such as if an anxiety or panic attack is about to happen.
You will do well to overcome any resistance in coming up with code words and using them if you explain that the use of code words does not mean you are not in love or distrust your partner, but simply a better way to communicate where you are. Code words help take the display of emotion out of your words.
Open- or closed-ended questions are simple enough to use. Incorporating a scale and code words to give or receive feedback might seem silly to you, yet they do work. Your partner needs to believe that you are receptive to sexual feedback. Encouraging your partner to open up and express sexual feelings and thoughts takes time. The more you communicate, the more you learn and understand about what makes your partner tick. Consequently, this increases your chances of having many wonderful sexual experiences. Keep at it. Good luck.
———–
Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Media: Body After Baby
This article first appeared in the Aug-Sept issue of Today's Parents. Click on image to enlarge.
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