US Government Funds Sex Research

The National Institute of Health (NIH) released a list of over 6,000 studies it will be supporting with funds from the stimulus package, also known as the American Reinvestment and Recovery Act (ARRA).

While the vast majority of the research is related to neuroscience, genetics, or diseases such as cancer, tuberculosis, heart disease, and multiple sclerosis, there are a handful of funded scientific studies that involve sexuality.

This has drawn a lot of comments. Should a stimulus fund be used for research? For the projects, click here.

How do Porcupines have sex?

Very carefully, I was told many years ago.

I just learnt this is not the case at all.

According to Professor Uldis Roze of Queens College in New York: "The female lets the winning male know that she's ready to mate by arching her tail over her back. Because there aren't any quills on the underside of her tail, she can't wound her suitor. And because the male doesn't have quills on his underbelly, he can't hurt her."

For more, click here.

Airbrushed Cover of Kelly Clarkson

First American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson appeared on the cover of the September issue of Self, but her cover image was massively photoshopped before it hit the stands and has garnered negative attention.

Half of Kelly's left arm was cropped out, her white pants blend into the background, making her appear slimmer, and a yellow blurb is placed over the top of her backside. See it for yourself here.

Self magazine, Editor-In-Chief Lucy Danzinger has spoken out. Hear what she has to say here.

No wonder there are young girls starving themselves, magazines are going through great lengths to perpetuate ideal body types and celebrities let them get away with it. It distorts what 'normal' means and what 'healthy' looks like.

Turtles Love Their Orgasms

Nothing heavy today.

I hope this educational and fun video of two turtles making love brings you a smile, click here.!

13m Abortions Each Year in China

According to newly published research, there are 13 million abortions each year, compared to 20 million births in China.

Authorities in China have highlighted inadequate knowledge of contraception and poor sex education as major factors in the high number of abortions there.

Many women who have abortions are single and aged between 20 and 29. For more, click click here.

Sexual health is a human right. Sex education is a right. Men, women, children, all deserve accurate, practical and age-appropriate sex information. It pains me to read about the consequences on lives of individuals that are direct results of government policies.

Gay football players forced in the closet?

Amid a fanfare of publicity in 2007, Football Association announced that changes to the ground rules and the players' code of conduct would mean homophobic abuse was treated as seriously as racism, on both the terraces and the pitch. Yet a YouGov survey of more than 2,000 football supporters, shows that anti-gay abuse is rife at every level of the game.

There is a climate of fear for gay players. Fans and executives at the top of the game say the FA isn't doing nearly enough to tackle the problem, while the majority of match-goers think homophobia is ruining enjoyment of the game.

For more, click here:

Turn off that TV!

Researchers at the University of Washington Medical School equipped 330 children, two months to four years old, with digital recorders that captured everything the children heard and said during the day. The recorders were worn one day per month for up to two years.

The study found that TV is:
• Associated with significant reductions in child vocalizations, vocalization duration, and conversational turns.
• Associated with a decrease of 770 words the child heard from an adult during the recording session. This represented an average 7% decrease in words heard.
• Leading to significant reductions in both adult female and male word counts. From 500 to 1,000 fewer adult words were spoken per hour of audible television.

The articles goes onto to provide tips and resources for parents and caregivers as well as recommendations. Read it here.

Sleep or sex?

Sleep apparently. No surprise there.

The study of about 12,500 recent travelers in a dozen countries commissioned by the hotel chain in conjunction with the 10th anniversary of Westin's Heavenly Bed, backs up headlines that say Americans don't get enough sleep.

For more, click here.

Gender Test for not Looking like a Man?

There is a controversy brewing about the gender of South African middle-distance runner Mokgadi Caster Semenya (born 7 January 1991 in Pietersburg).

Although Semenya won the 2009 World Championship 800m fair and square, she has been asked to go for gender tests. Semenya nearly boycotted the awards ceremony after feeling devastated by the row over her gender but Athletics South Africa president Leonard Chuene insisted she must.

For the article on MSN, click here. Semenya's IAAF Biography is here.

The Science of Sport gives a good account about the significance.

Are you a OS?

Not operating system. Objectum sexuals.

These are people who experience intense emotional connections with everyday things – bridges, stereos, the Eiffel Tower. It's not a fetish but a sexual orientation.

Meet Erika LaBrie who married the Eiffel Tower on April 8, 2007. There is Amy Wolfe who plans to marry a thrill ride at Knoebels Amusement Resort. Mr. Hall-Ford is currently dating two small soundboards.

It is not so difficult to understand when you try to see things from their perspective
- OS who believe everything in the world has a spirit and a soul
- Turned on by physical features
- Emotional, romantic and/ or sexual feelings tied up with their relationships with their object (men's fascinations with cars come to mind!)

For more, read here or visit their society Objectùm-Sexuality Internationale
.

The 'Perfect' Vulva

Vulvas come in different colours, shapes and sizes.

Yet there is a myth that there such a thing as a perfect vulva. And by whose standards? Who decided for you that your vulva isn't perfect the way you were born with it?

Women are going under the knife and endangering their sexual health for this illusion.

Read this very insight article by a school mate of mine, Rebecca Chalker, here.

The Cosmo Sex Poll: 6,000 men tell!

It's not easy to get men to spill their guts. Yet somehow for Cosmopolitan and AskMen.com managed to get 6,000 men between the ages of 18 and 35 to confess what they want in bed. Is hotter sex possible?

The men were asked:
• What is your no-fail move that immediately gets you ready for sex?
• What over-the-top move would you like to try?
• Where's the sexiest place a girl can ambush you for a hot quickie?
• Finish this sentence: "When we're done with sex, I would love if she:
• Approximately how long do you like an entire sex session to last?

For the findings, click here.

Fire to Briton's Genitals

A 26-year old Greek woman is reportedly an overnight national hero after setting fire to the genitals of a 23-year old drunken Briton who allegedly tried to sexually assault her in a crowded bar.

For the story, click here.

I am not condoning the man's behavior which was obviously wrong. However there were things which this young lady could have done:

• Alerted the bar owner/ manager/ bartender
• Called the police if she wanted to press charges for assault
• Moved to a different part of the bar
• Left

Instead in her hurry for justice, she inflicted second degree burns. We are so caught up with righting the wrong, saying our piece, and seeking revenge. Be wrong than be wronged. We lash out. We hurt others. To win.

At what price?

Which Birth Control Pill Is Safest?

According to new studies, oral contraceptives with levonorgestrel and a low dose of estrogen are associated with the lowest risk of venous thrombosis [blood clots] and are therefore the safest option. For more, click here.

My question in posting this here are:
• Do you know what your pill contains?
• Did you ask what your other contraceptive options were?
• Do you think you made the best choice of contraceptive for you?

All too often, we choose to trust the doctors know best and allow them to make all the decisions.

Don't be afraid to ask questions. Do your own research. Find out for yourself.

Afterall, it's your body.

Can a Marriage with a 15-year age Difference Work?

Apparently yes.

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have a 15-year age difference between them. Nearly four years on and they are still happily married.

It is hard to take Ashton seriously afterall he is the host of the MTV celebrity prank show Punk'd. He is known for silly roles in films such as Dude, Where's My Car?, and What Happened in Vegas. There is more than meets the eye with this young man.

"The real trick is putting yourself around people you admire," Ashton tells the new issue of Parade, about staying happy. "That's why I married my wife. I locked in the brightest light in the room."

Aw how sweet!

For more, visit Who's Calling Ashton Kutcher A Moron?.

Violence towards women

On Aug 4, a Pennsylvania man walked into a gym aerobics class and opened fire, killing three women and wounding nine before turning the gun on himself.

George Sodini, 48, brought four handguns into the LA Fitness gym outside Pittsburgh and used three of them, firing at least 36 times around 8 p.m. Tuesday.

An online diary, as well as notes at the scene and at his home, have led police to believe he was targeting women in general. For the news report, click here.

Columnist Bob Herbert called this a time when "rape, murder and humiliation of females is not only a staple of the news, but an important cornerstone of the nation’s entertainment." For his piece, click here.

I would not go so far as to say that. But I would certainly like to urge men and women alike to remember that it does not have to always be about: "It's every man for himself", "An eye for an eye" and "fighting" for what you want and deserve.

Even as acts of violence and extremities seem to increase throughout the world, let us not lose sight that we have a choice on how we respond. It is ok not to be able to win every time. It is alright to be the wronged.

"The wrongdoer is more unfortunate than the man wronged." - Democritus

Have a bit of patience. Kindness. Forgiveness. Let go.

Can sue, but not for gay claim

Long-time attorney and partner of late entertainment celebrity Anna Nicole Smith, Howard K. Stern, has been told by U.S. court that he can sue an author for defamation but not over gay sex claims because homosexuality is no longer viewed as contemptible. Click here

Stern claimed the book, which was published six months after Smith's death, contained 19 libelous statements. U.S. District Judge Denny Chin ruled the defamation case could proceed on 11 of the statements.

Chin dismissed Stern's claims that statements implying he was homosexual were defamatory, although he acknowledged that gays and lesbians still suffered prejudice.

I highlight this case because this is probably the first of its kind. For latest news, click here.

Geeks best in bed?

A UK nationwide research of over 2000 people in relationships has found that those who work in the tech sector are less selfish in bed and more open to using sex toys, whilst the same research also found that those who work in the fitness industry or were regular gym-goers were more likely to be selfish and think of their needs above their partner’s. For more, click here.

Eight out of ten tech workers said that sex toys played an important part in their sexual relationships. The fitness-minded participants were the least likely to use them, with just three in ten claiming to use them regularly.

The fact that tech workers could be open to sex toys because of increased comfort levels through using gadgets in their daily lives and exposure to technology through their work did not miss the researchers.

In addition, 82 percent of IT workers were more likely to consider their partner’s sexual needs above their own, with over half of fitness workers and business owners proving to be the most selfish in bed:

What was that saying? Don't judge a book by its cover. I say: it's the revenge of the geeks.

Adam Lambert is gay

When photos of Adam Lambert kissing a man surfaced in the middle of the Season Eight American Idol; they were shown and discussed by commentators on The O'Reilly Factor.

While Lambert confirmed that the photos were of him, stating he had nothing to hide and has always been open about his life, mainstream media speculation centered on Lambert's sexuality. Much of the media focus regarded the readiness of American Idol voters for an openly gay winner.

Lambert confirmed that he was gay in a cover story interview with Rolling Stone, stating that "I don't think it should be a surprise for anyone to hear I'm gay... I'm proud of my sexuality. I embrace it. It's just another part of me."

For more, click here.

While we will never know for sure if Lambert missed out on being the winner because of his sexuality, my question is would you discriminate against somebody because of their sexual orientation?

Book review: Red Hot Touch

Red Hot Touch: A Head-to-Toe Handbook for Mind-Blowing Orgasms by Jaiya and Jon Hanauer

Red Hot Touch is sizzling hot! It is possibly the modern-day equivalent of The Joy of Sex. The writing is fresh and playful; the content is incredibly useful and informative; and the techniques are specific, detailed, and easy to understand.

The book starts by suggesting that your hands are your most powerful sexual asset and goes on to explain why and how. There are over 50 ways to stroke, squeeze, and please someone, and over 100 moves to stimulate other areas of the anatomy from the earlobes to the toes.

Both certified sexological bodyworkers, the authors provide plenty of ideas you would not have thought of which assure hours of pleasurable partner practice. After covering anatomy, there are sections on male and female genital massage, anal massage techniques, and sexual positions.

Frank, practical and fun, this is one book I am excited about and which I am confident is a book couples will refer to often to achieve deeper ecstasy in the bedroom.

Features:
• A must-buy for couples keen to achieve sexual ecstasy
• Ideal for incorporating massage and touch into lovemaking
• Plenty of fabulous tips and techniques
• Clear drawings for added clarity

Publisher:
Broadway Books, 2008

Women Happiest at 28

A study by home hair colour brand Clairol Perfect 10 of 4,000 women has found that women feel most confident and happy with their love life and body shape shortly before they reach 30, or more precisely at 28.

This is because:
• Hair looks the best
• Body shape is at its peak
• Confidence is at an all-time high.
• Security of a job
• Having a steady income
• Being in a relationship
• Having strong friendships

All these help create the perfect point in our lives when everything comes together. It is also the period in their life when they enjoy the best sex – but the happiness is relatively shortlived.

Do you agree with the research findings? Read more here.

My suggestion: Live every day as if it were your last. Give thanks for where you are at and what you do have, often. Make peace with yourself. Your happiness is what you make of life.

Do you Accept your Body?

According to a Channel NewsAsia report, thin is in for Singapore youth.

Yet my foreign friends are often bemused to learn it is even an issue since most Asians they have met are 'skinny'. Travel abroad and you get a more complete picture. Westerners tend to be not only taller and larger, but also plumper. We are, after all, in the age of fast food, take-aways and microwave meals.

This global phenomenon, even obsession, with the perfect body is not new. We are surrounded by images of the body we don't have everywhere we go - from book covers, magazines, TV, movies etc. This quest for perfection is unattainable, an illusion, and serves little purpose other than to make us unhappy, depressed and compare incessantly.

There are efforts to correct public perceptions such as BEAUTIFUL Just The Way You Are campaign in U.S.A.. The campaign seeks to intervene in the space between all who stand before the magazine rack and the engine of advertising and mass culture. In that space of daily life it places an alternative.

What is your image of yourself? Do you like, accept and embrace your body? Eros Coaching can help you come to greater acceptance with your body image. Contact us at info@eroscoaching.com.

What Does it Mean to be Sex Positive?

Sex positive is an adjective often used to describe people who are comfortable with their own sexuality and sexuality in general.

To me, being sex positive is more than that:
• Believes in a positive sexual relationship
• Acknowledges that sex can be fun and pleasurable
• Accept your right to be or not to be sexual
• Respects your values and beliefs
• Supports you in creating a optimally healthy sexual life
• Honouring your process of becoming familiar and comfortable with your unique sexuality so you can make the decisions to have a healthy and happy sexual life

Being sex positive is not about having unfulfilling, displeasurable, guilt-ridden and downright bad sex. Being sex positive is being sex affirmative.

Comprehensive sex education should not be only about STIs (sexual transmitted infections), contraceptives (safer sex) and reproduction (making babies). There is more to sex. If sex ed were more sex-positive, I would imagine we could vastly reduce the need for repairs and revisions.

If you are considering seeing a sex coach/ counsellor/ therapist, do run through the above checklist to make sure he or she understands what being sex positive means.

Are Your Kids Naked at Home?

Would you allow your kids to run around the house naked? "If you can’t do it when you’re a kid, when can you do it?" was the question. Is there a cut-off age? Really? Even if in the confines of your own house infront of trusted family members?

For more, visit When is it OK for kids to run around naked?. The article said it depends on cultural expectations and societal norms.

This topic has triggered opposing reactions in the internet community. Share with me your personal thoughts at info@eroscoaching.com.

Sex in Nursing Homes

More than 30 years ago, in Arkansas, a sociologist proposed to a group of nursing home operators that they set aside "privacy rooms" for their residents to do whatever it is that consenting adults do in private.

This idea was rejected then, and apparently this remains the case in modern day. For more on 'Sex ban in nursing homes', click here.

I have wondered if sex goes on in nursing homes in Singapore. With advanced technology and medical discoveries, humans are living longer. One day, you and I, will be old too. If we wish to remain sexually active, this is our right to do so.

On the same note, I have also wondered if Singapore Prisons grants conjugal visits for prison inmates. If anyone can point me in which direction to seek answers, let me know. :)

Can you Imagine Hugh Jackson as a Dancer?

Hugh Jackman wanted to be a dancer when he was a child but gave up the dream after his older brother accused him of being gay.

The 40-year-old X-Men Origins: Wolverine star who was then 11 said he dropped dancing like a hot rock. He later regretted the decision and felt there was nothing shameful about dancing.

Can you imagine Hugh Jackson as a dancer? I can. He would have been absolutely amazing!

Have you ever forgone your heart's desire because of what somebody said? Whose life is it anyway? Have you in your heart of hearts pinned for something so bad that you went ahead and did it anyway in despite of what the world said, and was stronger for it?

Be true to yourself. The cost of not doing so, sometimes at the price of your soul, is so not worth it. Besides sex coaching, I do life coaching. Talking through your options, in a non-judgmental and safe space, can make a difference in your decisions.

Power over Cervical Cancer Campaign

Cervical cancer is malignant cancer of the cervix uteri or cervical area. It may present with vaginal bleeding but symptoms may be absent until the cancer is in its advanced stages.

Did you know that in Singapore, more than one case of cervical cancer is diagnosed every 2 days. More than one women dies of the cancer every week. Cervical cancer, one of the Top 10 'killer cancers' of women in Singapore, is the only cancer so far today that can be prevented.

Learn more about the disease, assess your risk and find out ways to combat it here. Be sure to check out the risk test online which you or the women you love or care can take.

Because Human papillomavirus (HPV) infection is a necessary factor in the development of nearly all cases of cervical cancer, one can consider taking a vaccine called Gardasil. It is effective against the two strains of HPV which together are currently responsible for approximately 70% of all cervical cancers. You should ask your medical doctor about it.

Book Review: The Joy of Sex

The Joy of Sex: A Gourmet Guide to Love Making by Alex Comfort

This original The Joy of Sex, first published in 1972, has often been credited with inventing the modern sex manual and enjoyed unprecedented success world-wide gracing 8 million homes. Illustrated with line-drawings and watercolors of a couple, this book aims to be a personal one-couple notebook containing valid sexual behaviors, plus a certain amount about how and why they work.

Chapters are quirkily named such as: Starters; Main Courses; Sauces and Pickles. Terms are introduced in jargonless, non-intimating form. Though I have to say some of his information is hopelessly dated by now, such as saliva being the best sexual lubricant and petroleum jelly being too greasy and unwettable.

I would say this is a good book for sexually inexperienced couples looking to deepen their understanding of their own sexuality rather than the cheapness of lesser books or porn. Above all, read it to appreciate and savor lovemaking in all its varieties.

Features:
• A most celebrated classic
• Reader-friendly
• Suitable for sexually inexperienced couples looking to enhance their lovemaking practises
• Beautiful line-drawings and watercolors

Publisher:
Pocket Books, 1972

Orgasm control

Whilst one can use drugs to sustain an erection, some people might have side effects such as dizziness; flushing; headache; heartburn; stuffy or runny nose; upset stomach. In severe cases, one can have allergic reactions (rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue); back or muscle pain; chest pain; fainting; fast, slow, or irregular heartbeat; memory loss; prolonged, painful erection; ringing in the ears; severe or persistent dizziness; severe or persistent vision changes or vision loss; sudden hearing loss.

Rather than have a drug dependency for firmness of erection, a man might consider learning orgasm control to manage the physical stimulation and sensation connected with the emotional and physiologic excitement levels. This is most effectively practiced first by self masturbation, then by partnered non-simultaneous mutual masturbation. With mutual agreement, either partner can similarly learn to control or enhance their partners orgasmic response and timing. Practiced orgasm control can improve male or female orgasm experience and can improve male ejaculation.

Practiced mindful orgasmic control techniques can help learning, enhancing, and extending our body's natural limbic system orgasmic response. The practice of orgasm control applies to female and male masturbation and any gender partnered combinations. Practiced orgasm control improves learned and natural orgasmic response in most sexual interactions.

Treatments for erectile concerns

Treatments for erectile concerns usually proceed from least to most invasive. For some men, making a few healthy lifestyle changes may solve the problem. Quitting smoking, losing excess weight, and increasing physical activity may help some men regain sexual function. Cutting back on any drugs with harmful side effects is considered next.

Other treatments include psychotherapy and behavior modifications in selected patients. There is also oral or locally injected drugs, vacuum devices, and surgically implanted devices being most invasive. In rare cases, surgery involving veins or arteries may be considered.

There is an assumption is that the man's penis is central to a woman's sexual satisfaction. In reality, orgasms are a very individualistic thing — there is no one correct pattern of sexual response. Whatever works, feels good, and makes you feel more alive and connected with your partner is what counts.

Besides penetrative sex, there are ways to improve love making which men can still participate in with their partner. For instance the man can stimulate the woman manually either during, prior to, or after intercourse. She can stimulate herself manually during intercourse, or he can try out alternatives to their love making including oral sex or manual stimulation or a vibrator. Generally a combination and variation of the above methods allow couples to have intercourse and also allows the woman to have the release of an orgasm.

What is erectile dysfunction?

Erectile Dysfunction, sometimes referred to male impotence, refers to the loss of a man’s ability to have an erection. This means a man can't get an erection to have sex or can't keep an erection long enough to finish having sex.

Erectile dysfunction can occur at any age, but it is more common in men older than 65. It's true that as you get older, you may need more stimulation (such as stroking and touching) to get an erection. You might also need more time between erections. But older men should still be able to get an erection and enjoy sex.

Some men may become impotent after having diabetes for a long time because the nerves or blood vessels have become damaged. Sometimes the problem has nothing to do with diabetes and may be treated with counselling.

Here's a brief list of common physiological causes for impotence in men:

• Blood circulation issues in the penile area
• Diabetes
• Prostate diseases
• Peyronie's disease
• Nervous system issues
• Hormone imbalance
• Accidents or injury
• Surgical operations
• Smoking
• Drug and alcohol abuse

And these are common psychological causes for impotence:

• Stress, frustration and anxiety
• Fear of failure
• Relationship issues
• Depression
• Feeling nervous about sex, perhaps because of a bad experience or because of a previous episode of impotence
• Feeling so self-conscious that you can't enjoy sex

How erectile dysfunction is treated depends on what is causing it. Treatments of ED tomorrow.