Eros Coaching

Media: Chinese New Year - it is all about intent

2012-01-28T10:00:00.001+08:00

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

We are most definitely now into the year of the Water Dragon! How was your Chinese New Year? Did you use the occasion to catch up with family and friends, take a well-deserved break, or “escape” the contrived pleasantries by travelling overseas?

After reading the piece, "My Secret Grief. Over 35, Single and Childless", on Huffington post, I posted this on my Facebook wall:

“Martha is urging for greater sensitivity towards your fellow humans this Chinese New Year. Don't be one of those well-meaning people asking others if they are in a relationship, going to get married, have kids, have more kids, blah blah. It really doesn't affect the quality of your life, but it may affect theirs!”

I received several “likes” to that post with these assenting comments:

“Great point: a friend was just sharing how utterly relieved she was to be 'excused' from CNY visiting by parents. She's over 40 and unmarried and hates those armor piercing rounds coated with good intent”.- Male

“Never fails to irritate me for the past 4 yrs before I had my kid... I hope they'll spare me this yr since i've just given birth... wont be surprised if they ask when I’m gonna have more... aaarrrggghhh”.- Female

“Yes, those annoying questions and smart remarks”,- Male

“They ask it for their amusement; I don't think it's even ’well-meaning’". – Male

Let’s not forget how 14-year-old Amos Yee sparked off a storm of online criticism after uploading a video that mocks the upcoming festive season, what he calls "a joke". Watch it for yourself and decide. His disdain seems obvious to me, and I don’t blame him. I often thought Chinese New Year was passé and a burdensome chore the younger generation had to endure. That was until a few things happened this year.

I was reading this book, Sacred Ceremony by Steven D. Farmer. It highlighted the difference between ritual and ceremony. In it, Farmer attributes his friend Jade Wahoo’oo Grigori in describing ritual as “something that we do in order to call upon or beseech the forces of creation to act on our behalf. Ceremony is the inspired expression of our dance in creation. Even in ritual there are certainly those times when in the performance of the person is inspired, and it shows through because all of a sudden it has that glow or quality, and so it’s actually broached into the ceremonial at that time.”

I interpret this to mean that the difference between ritual (just going through the motions) and ceremony (which invokes specialness) is the intent! That’s not all:

“Rituals certainly serve a purpose, and while most are performed with sincere intention, the substance and meaning is often lost both to the practitioner and the adherents. They risk becoming habitual routines stemming from a sense of obligation and dogged commitment, rather than a heartfelt, embodied sense of spiritual presence. All sacred rituals started out as ceremony, and some are faint echoes of the original ceremonies from which they stem.”

It dawned on me: How many of us give hongbaos (or red packets) with resentment rather than that of being able to bestow blessings on the younger? And do the recipients of these hongbaos honor and receive such blessings fully? What of us dragging our feet when doing house visiting, completely unaware of the privilege in being invited in the first place?

Farmer tells us that it is not about trying to follow meticulous and detailed instructions, but really about executing with the intuiting of spiritual direction and guidance. The power of Spirit is invited without demand or expectation, and results will be achieved in alignment with the will of Spirit.

The meaning of Chinese New Year seems to be lost to us.

This year, I had no reunion dinner. My mother is not well. She has stage four breast cancer and has another two out of 12 chemotherapy sessions to go. Her immune system has been severely weakened. We visited a relative’s place as a family without her as she was not up to it.

I have been taking things for granted, from the labour of love behind preparing that one dinner (“too expensive outside”, “all the restaurants will be booked”), the ability to give or receive hongbaos (depending on whether you are married, separated or divorced), to house-visiting and witnessing how much my nieces and nephews have grown from last year, even if it was all pleasantries. They are still family, the extended family I wish I had taken more time to know.

I also think about those who have no roof over their heads, no family, no meal to look forward to. So how was your Chinese New Year? Remember, it is all about intent.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Sex News in Asia - 1/23/12

2012-01-27T10:00:00.003+08:00

Asia

Asia awaits lunar year 'dragon baby' boom

Singapore

On Child Prostitution, Human Trafficking and Poverty

Forum letters on sex ed in Singapore

Urging people to save themselves for marriage. A response is here.

Why we shouldn't start sexuality education earlier

A poster featuring a naughty message has scandalised some people from the Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus (CHIJ) schools in Singapore.

Singapore Fringe Festival courts controversy

Rong Sheng says his wife Kai Lynn shed a whopping 28kg so she could look her best on her wedding day

Man jailed, caned for molesting woman

Man fined for sending topless photos of ex-girlfriend to her family

Ex-teacher jailed 8 years for sex with 14-year-old student

All Singapore maternity hospitals to encourage breastfeeding

Man jailed for sex without disclosing HIV status

Malaysia

Anwar under fire for suggesting review of gay laws

Man blackmailed after cyber sex session

Rape ordeal for 24-year-old trainee

Siblings disown mum after she cheated 8 men

Cops: Porn not cause of crash

The Court of Appeal has upheld the High Court's decision to award Information, Commun¬ications and Culture Minister Datuk Seri Dr Rais Yatim RM300,000 (S$123,420) in his defamation suit against blogger Amizudin Ahmat for implying that the minister was guilty of raping his Indonesian maid.

Korea

North Korean defector jailed for raping fellow refugee

China

Blogger-activist Liumang Yan turns prostitute for a day to speak up for sex workers

Cross-dressing garbage collector wins national sympathy after fire

Foreigner's search for lost love burns up Weibo

Dragon Year spells nightmare for Hong Kong mums

Taiwan's President Ma Ying-jeou on Thursday urged the island's couples to have more babies during the upcoming Year of the Dragon to help boost birth rates.

China boyfriend for rent

Thailand

The Appeals Court yesterday upheld a 37-year prison sentence for a Dutch man convicted of sexually molesting a 12-year-old boy.

Japan

Shukan Post says that in days past one porn actress per 400 female high school and university students was a standard assumption — a figure that represents roughly one woman per graduating class.

Nepal

Taboos Undercut Nepal's Marital Rape Law

Vietnam

Vietnam's first film to openly feature love and intimacy between gay men is helping to change attitudes in a country where homosexuality is often seen either as a disease or a source of ridicule.

Can an LGBT Film Help Change Attitudes About Homosexuality in Vietnam?

Have You Found Pleasure From E-Spot Stimulation? It has to do with the ear

India

A minister in India's Orissa state has quit after being accused of "shielding" those involved in an alleged gangrape of a low-caste dalit girl.

View last’s week Sex News in Asia here.

Disclaimer: Some of these media reports may portray sex and sexuality in a negative light. I am merely re-reporting them and may not always agree with the reports or opinions expressed.

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexologist with American College of Sexologists with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Why Men don't talk to Women

2012-01-26T10:00:00.000+08:00

A fun video on why men don't talk to women. What do you think? Any truth in this?

Why Men and Women Can't be friends

2012-01-25T10:00:00.000+08:00

This is just a video for fun. It attempts to answer the age old question, Young Independent Filmmakers Jesse Budd and Patrick Romero set out to simply prove a point.

Video: End Discrimination

2012-01-24T10:00:00.000+08:00

Whats goin on..

Jonah is a young guy that happens to be gay - and has been harassed at school. He's scared and sad. But he teaches us a lot in this video.

Jonah's post on YouTube:

To all my friends and supporters,
I made this video 4 months ago just before school was about to start. I was 13. It was a very emotionally dark time in my life. I made the video at 4:00am in the morning; I hadn't been sleeping at night for a long time, too many things going on in my head. I was dreading going back to school and I had not come out to my family yet. Only my closest friends knew. I didn't know how to say what I needed to say. All I could think about were all the bad things that had been happening at school last year, every year for that matter. I just couldn't bare to go through that anymore. I was done being fake happy, pretending hateful words didn't hurt, done hiding it from my family.

So this video was made for my friends that had moved on to High School who were worried for me, to say to them that I was going to take a stand, and to the haters at my middle school that I'm not going anywhere. I am who I am. I posted the video here and told people were to find it. That was it.

My friends were moved by the video and thought I did something important. I was encouraged to upload it to my Facebook page so more people could see it. Maybe it could help someone else going through the same thing. So I linked it Dec. 1st. My Parents saw it for the first time Dec, 2nd.

Then..... all this happened.

I never expected in a million years that it would have such a wonderful impact on so many people. I am truly humbled and truly thankful for all the love, encouragement and support from people all over the world. It's been incredibly overwhelming. I don't know what to say. Thank you so, so much!

Lastly, yes you have seen me happy in a couple short videos replies I posted; I would think that would be a good thing , and yes I do have friends, my High School friends, and I have made friends because when I came out they realized that they had hurt me and that they fealt sorry. The video is real, and true.

In the last few months everything eventually came out in the open, I felt a huge weight off my shoulders; I'm happy, I'm excepted for who I am, I'm more confident and feel stronger every day.

Thank you all, Love and peace to all who are hurting.
Jonah Mowry

Media: Sexology is my calling. What’s yours?

2012-01-23T10:00:00.002+08:00

This piece first appeared on PublicHouse.sg

I facilitated a session which defined sex, sexuality and intimacy during SlutTalk, a fringe event under SlutWalk Singapore. It was the inspiration for an earlier piece on publichouse.sg with the same title here. After my session, I thought I was off-work, resumed my civilian status, and was easing into my seat. An undergraduate lady sitting next to me began small talk by first remarking that I look nothing like my namecard/ website/ media pictures. She next asked me if my work was difficult.

Take this in the context of two of my previous pieces, also on publichouse.sg – The Tribulations of a Sexologist Part 1 and Part 2, and you may recognise why I was completely lost for words.

How can I even begin to talk about how incredibly difficult my work was? There are days when I think only a fool would continue doing the work I do. So why do I still do it? Why would I want to deter her, possibly an aspiring sexologist (looking at me with those star-crossed eyes), to not pursue this career if she had the drive, desire and passion for it? How does one even know if another is right for this career? I certainly had no desire to dampen her ambitions or right to judge her suitability to be the next Dr Ruth of Singapore.

Finally I said, “Well, I won’t say it is easy. I do this work because there is nothing else I rather be doing.”

About a year ago, I remember a fellow sexologist asking in a forum if we should encourage people to pursue sexology as a career.

I responded: “The work that we do is incredibly difficult and often thankless. To me, it is a calling and I do it because I cannot see myself doing anything else. I cannot speak for other people.”

Indeed, why do we do what we do? How do we know what is the purpose of our lives? What is the reason you are here – or your higher calling? I like to zoom into the “Seventh Law: The Law of ‘Dharma’” or “Purpose in Life” in Deepak Chopra’s The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.

In it, Chopra wrote:

“Everyone has a purpose in life… a unique gift or special talent to give to others. And when we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience the ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit, which is the ultimate goal of all goals.”

According to Chopra: there are three components to this law, each of us is here:

1) To discover our true Self, to find out on our own that our true Self is spiritual, that essentially we are spiritual beings that have taken manifestation in physical form.

2) To express our unique talents. This means that there’s one thing you can do, and one way of doing it, that is better than anyone else on this entire planet.

3) To provide service to humanity – to serve your fellow human beings and to ask yourself the questions, “How can I help? How can I help all those that I come into contact with?”

The Law of Dharma happens when you combine the ability to express your unique talent with service to humanity.

People choose to see what they want to see: the media publicity must mean I am famous, that I am doing well, and that I am rich. Right… Being a sexologist allows me to be communicator, advocate, coach, teacher and healer all in one. It is a sum of everything I have studied in school, learned in life, and experienced as a human, woman, daughter and wife. My work is pure heart work, and is also hard work(!). It is the product of my desire to leave a legacy of people who are fearlessly living and embracing life fully behind.

Therefore, I am hard pressed to encourage or persuade anyone to be a sexologist. I am me, and you are you. Our journeys might well be different or similar. Either way, it is all good. It is more important that you find what makes your soul sing everyday, as being a sexologist does for me.

I leave you with this quote by Henry David Thoreau:

"The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it."

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

The Vagina Police

2012-01-22T10:00:00.000+08:00

Who is the Vagina Police? View the video to find out more and see if you know anybody who is guilty of being one!

Purchase E-Book: 28 Days of Eros FAQ

2012-01-21T10:00:00.001+08:00

The idea of this first e-book 28 Days of Eros came as I developed daily lessons as part of my online project celebrating love, romance and eros in the month of February called Febulove in 2011. Now in its second year, I am pleased to move onto frequently asked questions.

Receive 28 expert answers to the most commonly asked sex questions (One bonus sex answer making it 29 as 2012 is a leap year!)

Learn where the female and male G-spot is; what the female ejaculation is; and if men can have multiple orgasms!

Be well on your way to becoming more sexual knowledgable!

This is a day-by-day breakdown of what you will learn:

1 What’s the best way for someone who has been out of the dating scene for some time to get back in the game?
2 Is too much masturbation bad for you?
3 How can singletons out there make themselves more sexually attractive to the opposite sex?
4 What are some tips on the ways a guy can impress a girl with the perfect Valentine’s Day dinner date?
5 Do aphrodisiac foods really work?
6 What is the most powerful sex organ?
7 How can I satisfy a woman in bed?
8 How can I increase my sensitivity when wearing a condom?
9 Do I still need to use a condom if she is on birth control pills?
10 Is it safe to use flavoured condoms?
11 Is it true that sex can actually give some people a headache?
12 What is 'afterplay'? Is it important?
13 Can one tell the size of a man’s penis by measuring certain other body parts?
14 How should I best stimulate her breasts and nipples?
15 She spent the night. What do you do the next morning?
16 I heard men lose protein after sex. Do guys need to take a protein supplement to replenish this loss?
17 I think I have premature ejaculation. What should I do?
18 Is it true that the bigger the penis, the better?
19 I can’t go down on him! It is unhygienic, isn’t it?
20 How is it that my guy doesn’t last all night in bed?
21 I am as good as dead if I cannot have an erection. What should I do when that happens?
22 How important is sexual intimacy in a relationship?
23 We have two kids and have no time for sex. What should we do?
24 I am gaining weight due to working so much. Now I feel sexually insecure. What should I do?
25 Does the G-spot exist for women, and if yes, where?
26 I heard that men also have a G-spot. Is it true?
27 Can females ejaculate during sex?
28 Why do men usually just orgasm and ejaculate once?
29 Can men enjoy multiple orgasms? How?

Purchase 28 Days of Eros FAQ by Eros Coaching for just S$19.90 today!

View the other e-books by Eros Coaching here!

What is the Yin and Yang conference?

2012-01-20T10:00:00.000+08:00

An event that approaches a couple's sexual relationship in a whole new light. From knowing and appreciating the yin and the yang of each other's sexual anatomies and overcoming obstacles to sexual fulfillment to learning skills to improve your adventures in the bedroom, this one-day encounter aims to impart sexual information, knowledge, and skills for couples to be able to more confidently and authentically connect with each other sexually. All the sessions promise not only enhancement of sexual pleasure deepening of intimate relationships.

Click here for more!

You will learn to:
1. Differentiate and appreciate the differences between the female and male sexual anatomy
2. Identify different sexual difficulties and what you can do about them
3. Practice conscious connecting through touch
4. Sexual skills you can apply immediately in the bedroom!

Talk 1: Nuts and bolts: About male and female sexual anatomy (9:30a.m. -- 10:30a.m.)
Talk 2: Sexual difficulties and what you can do about them (11:30a.m. -- 12:30p.m.)
Talk 3: Conscious connecting through touch (1:30p.m. -- 2:30p.m.)
Talk 4: Sexual techniques: How to make love for a lifetime (3p.m. -- 4p.m.)

Click here for more!

About the speaker:

Founder of Eros Coaching, Dr. Martha Lee is the only Clinical Sexologist in Singapore who has a doctorate in human sexuality. Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men's Health Singapore, Men's Health Malaysia, Durex Singapore Facebook page as well as Durex Malaysia Facebook page. She has a weekly column with PublicHouse.sg and blogs for Good Vibrations Magazine. She was recognised as one of 'Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of 'Top 100 Inspiring Women' by CozyCot in March 2011.

Click here for more!

Febulove is a month-long campaign on love, eros and romance by Eros Coaching. Eros Coaching is a sexuality and intimacy coaching company in Singapore. Subscribers receive exculsive promotions and e-lessons everyday for the month of February. So join now on www.FebuLove.com.

FebuLove.com is a project by ErosCoaching.com.
Video production by http://seopromovideo.com

New Workshop: Ecstatic Breath

2012-01-19T22:53:00.002+08:00

Every 1^st Wed, 10:30–11:30 a.m.: 7 March; 2 May, 6 June.

Every 3^rd Thurs, 7:30–8:30 p.m.: 15 March; 17 May; 7 June (1^st Thurs as travelling).
* No classes in April and August.

Venue: The Substation Dance Studio

Course Fee: $20 per class

Admission: Register by emailing register@eroscoaching.com or calling 6100-0851

This is an OpenHouse course

Your breath is your most intimate companion. Health, vitality, abundance, and love are within your reach! Rapid-fire multitasking and work stress can cause your breathing to become shallow, bringing less oxygen to your brain, increased blood pressure, and a hyped-up nervous system. To center yourself on the intimate moment at hand and invigorate your mind, you just need to breathe. Taking conscious breathing breaks is one of the easiest things you can do to shift your experience and make it more fulfilling. Learn how you can live in ecstatic bliss every day, feeling more positive, supported by life, and enjoying each breath you take.

"The more relaxed our body remains, the more our sexual motions reflect the vast consciousness that is the source of our being. The more fully our breath circulates through our body, the more our love can unfold through every gyration and moan."

– David Deida

About the Instructor

Founder of Eros Coaching, Dr. Martha Lee is a Clinical Sexologist who conducts sexuality and intimacy coaching, runs sexuality education workshops, and speaks at public education events. Her work includes reconnecting and becoming more comfortable with one’s body. Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee was recognised as one of the ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of the ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011.

Admission: Register by emailing register@eroscoaching.com or calling 6100-0851

Testimonials - Sexual Attitude Restructuring

2012-01-19T17:15:00.002+08:00

"I have to say I knew not what to expect when I first attended SAR. I knew I was going to experience discomfort; but having known Martha for some time, I knew she made a wonderful facilitator; and I was correct. Martha made sure that the whole situation was as comfortable and guided as possible. SAR made me more open on my attitude towards sex. The various type of sex, the various preferences, and how all of such can actually be a calming, freeing experience." - Male Participant

"I first attended SAR with a fair amount of resistance to the notion that it will be uncomfortable and weird to be viewing material with a group of strangers. However as the sessions proceeded, I found myself transformed through the process and the openness in discussion and sharing our views and perspectives definitely helped to challenge the various pre-conceived notions or pre-judgements that we have about certain things. Having gone through it, I do think that the process helps in broadening our perspectives and becoming more tolerant individuals capable of appreciating people for who they are and to see beyond stereotypes. Credit must go to Dr. Martha Lee for administering the process and for creating an environment where frank, honest discussion is possible." - Male participant

For details of the next Sexual Attitude Restructuring workshop, click here!

Sex News in Asia - 1/16/12

2012-01-19T10:00:00.002+08:00

This post first appeared on Good Vibrations Magazine.

Singapore

Okamoto’s TipOff iPhone app aims to get Singaporeans fired up about naughty sex

Coming out message from Irene, a MTF post-op transsexual

Modelling agency's 'topless' calendar reveals mindset change?

Ministry of Education responds directly to my forum letter about a more abstinence-based sexuality education programme in schools

For the record, I did not say in my forum letter that the the revised sex ed programme is just about abstinence. I was talking about what a true sex ed programme should be about and the importance of not having an abstinence only programme. My original forum letter is here

Man with fetish for young boys jailed 18 years

Family-friendly Singapore? To raise awareness of the government funds available to childcare operators setting up shop in workplaces, the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) will launch an information kit in May.

MCYS should include more specifically address sexual abuse of children too, and say so. Thanks.

Woman jailed and fined for overstaying and offering sex

Malaysia

Seven-year-old forced to perform oral sex by trio

Malaysian gay activists challenge festival ban in court. Another report is here.

The Kuala Lumpur High Court acquits Anwar Ibrahim of sodomising his aide Mohd Saiful Bukhari Azlan

Anwar freed of sodomy charges

Man dies of sex stimulant overdose

China

When “slut shaming” happens to celebrities: Rose Chan having fun with 2 hot guys...

Sex selective abortions in Taiwan

Chinese condoms: A Chinese start-up with XL ambitions

Nepal

Group in Nepal Takes Pride in Kidnapping Brides

The Philippines

Ramgen girlfriend candid about sex video

India

Outrage over 'human zoo' on Indian islands

Japan

Japanese Department Store May Want to Look Up the Word ‘Fucking’

And the clean up after

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexologist with American College of Sexologists with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Media: The Power of Play

2012-01-18T10:00:00.000+08:00

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

I have a question to ask you. Amidst the hustle and bustle of your busy work and personal lives, when was the last time you played? Close your eyes and try recalling some of the happiest moments in your life: What might they be? Whether this memory is of you as a child or as an adult, chances are, they involved some sort of play.

Children usually play when left to their own devices. Children do not necessarily need toys to have a good time. They might come up with their own games, make their own toys, or rely on their fantasy to be transported to different time and places through history and even beyond using their imagination. There is no agenda other than fun for the sake of fun itself.

Somewhere along the way, we were told we had bigger, better, and more important things to do with our lives, like studying and working. We became busy, so we could get somewhere, achieve something, and be someone important someday. We became stressed, anxious, worried, depressed, and exhausted all the time and we forgot how to play.

Your analytical mind will probably be thinking that all this talk of play seems childish, and unprofessional. You might think playing is a waste of your time and energy; after all, you are a very busy person. More than ever, I believe that play is not superficial, but a necessity. Play inspires us to view the world from a different perspective, take risks, experiment without fear of repercussions, and apply new solutions to ongoing problems. In his TED talk, Dr Stuart Brown made a scientific case about precisely this: that play is anything but frivolous and not just for kids.

When we play, we are completely engrossed, engaged and often get locked into some kind of time warp. We become spontaneous and live in the moment. We laugh, often at ourselves, we reconnect with the child within us, we expand our thinking, we tap into our creativity, we feel free, and we feel alive again. Life becomes magical and fun once more. Do we not all want these?

You may ask, what is the connection between play and sex? Just as play is all about learning experientially, sex is really about learning about oneself and others through connecting experientially. Play is all about experience and one can bring that approach into all areas of your life including sex.

• Tickling is play.

• Massaging is play.

• A tug of war is play.

• Dressing up is play.

• Role-playing is play.

• Strip teases are play.

• Erotic board games are play.

• Incorporating sex toys is play.

• Using blindfolds is play.

• Making out is play.

How about we call it all play?

I encourage you to rethink what play is and treat it with the seriousness it deserves.

So, when was the last time you gave yourself permission to play, whether in or outside of the bedroom? Go on and rediscover the joys of having a childlike perspective. Recall how it was like when life was full of endless possibilities from a child's point of view. Try a little – explore, experiment, wonder, dream, dare a little – and have infinite fun! As you play today, the boundaries of your mind may open to embrace myriad new thoughts, ideas, and emotions yet. Enjoy!

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Media: Oral Sex is not always safe sex

2012-01-17T23:59:00.002+08:00

This article first appeared on CozyCot.

I run a blow job workshop for ladies – 41 times to date, actually. During the workshop Funtastic Fellatio, whenever I state that oral sex is not safe sex, I inadvertently get raised eyebrows or questioning looks from the female participants.

A few honest ones would admit that they never knew about this fact. They would insist on condom use during sexual penetration, but would also 'go down' on the guy without a condom – assuming that one only catches sexual transmitted infections (STIs) through penetrative sex – perhaps due to the widespread advocacy of condom usage.

I should not be surprised, because until I received extensive training towards becoming a sexologist, I actually knew very little about safer sex practices other than the need to put on a condom during sex. I assumed I should have known better and just mistakenly thought other women were smarter and wiser.

Our ignorance may result in dire repercussions to our health. A study released by Ohio State University last month stated that over the last 20 years, there has been a surge in cases of oral cancer linked directly to the human papillomavirus, or HPV, by about 58 per cent. A similar study conducted by Johns Hopkins University in 2007 also found HPV to be a stronger risk factor for throat cancer than tobacco or alcohol use. In case you didn't know, there are several STIs which have no cure, besides HIV (Human immunodeficiency virus) – HPV and herpes being just two of them.

As modern-day women, we should know about safer sex practices and the extent of sexual risk we are exposing ourselves to, but we do not. Therefore, I want to highlight the different types of sexual behaviour one engages in and the associated risk factors.

Guidelines for Risk Management

Safe	Safe (if the condom is used correctly and consistently)
Massage Hugging Mutual masturbation (touching your own genitals) Dry kissing Voyeurism, exhibitionism Phone/ computer sex Sex toys (provided condoms are used when toys are shared) Bathing together	Anal intercourse with condom Vaginal intercourse with condom Fisting with glove Oral sex with a condom/latex barrier Rimming/ analingus with latex barrier Finger fucking vaginally or anally with latex glove or cot Watersports (urine on unbroken skin)
Possibly Unsafe	Unsafe
Cunnilingus without a barrier Finger fucking without a barrier Fellatio without a condom Sharing sex toys with cleaning or changing condoms in between uses Fisting without a glove Rimming/ analingus without a latex barrier	Anal intercourse without condom Vaginal intercourse without condom Blood contact Unprotected cunnilingus during menstruation

Source: Winks, C. & Semans, A. (2020) The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, 3^rd edition, Cleis Press Inc, USA, p. 293.

I am not suggesting that you prefer one box of sexual activity – for instance only choosing to engage in safe sexual activity – over another for the rest of your life. I'm not encouraging you to go out and do anything you do not wish to. Instead, I am encouraging you to recognise the risks and learn how to manage those risks.

Taking care of yourself means making informed, and hopefully better, decisions for you – because you have to put yourself first. This is your body, your life, your future we are talking about. And remember, oral sex is not always safe sex, and only the proper use of condoms when giving oral sex is safer.

4 Simple steps for correct use of a condom:

Get it up, check the expiry date
Pinch air out, roll condom down
Lube condom up, slide it in
Use condom once, toss condom out

Credits on condom instructions to: Action for AIDS (Singapore)

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Febulove Workshops

2012-01-17T10:00:00.001+08:00

As part of our Febulove campaign in February, these are our workshops which you can sign up for:

Fri 3 Feb - Pillow Talk: Erotic talk (7.30p.m. - 9.30p.m.)

For the ladies - This is a NEW course intended to spice up your conversations! Erotic talk can improve communication and intimacy, deepening you and your partner’s connection. It supplies variety and excitement to a stagnant relationship! It opens up a world of new erotic possibilities for couples by expressing each other’s needs and wants in all possible ways and then working (and playing) together to achieve them. It is the art of imagination and fantasy, tapping into the most important sex organ in the body: the brain.

You will learn:

Benefits of erotic talk (Why you should do it)

Differentiate between male and female fantasies, and how to better tailor your erotic messages!

How to engage in sensual talk through your sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch

How to get your partner to talk erotically

To register, click here.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tues 7 Feb - Best of Eros (7:30p.m. – 8:30p.m)

For the ladies - For the first time and by popular request! Release your inhibitions and ask your questions! This express, straight-to-the-point course for the busy woman who just needs to cut through the chase, and only wants to know the best of hand and blow job techniques just in time for Valentine’s Day!

You will learn:

Why men love receiving a blow job

Best hand and blow job techniques (More than 10!)

To perfect those skills through practising on a carrot!

To register, click here.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fri 17 Feb - Conscious Connecting (7.30p.m. - 9.30p.m.)

For singles/ couples - Do you have difficulty asking for what you want in bed? Do you have a desire to be a better lover for your partner? How exactly can you connect intimately with your partner? All these questions and more will be answered in this clothes-on workshop that explores the four different types of touch: Giving, Receiving, Absorbing, and Allowing. Understanding and practicing these distinctions will change the way you experience touch and shift your personal, and even professional, life fundamentally. So allow yourself and your man to connect in a more intimate level and feel the change in your relationship. (You are strongly encouraged to attend this workshop with your partner or friend.)

To register, click here.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tues 21 Feb - Sizzling Strokes (7.30p.m. - 9.30p.m.)

Only for the ladies - Previously titled “Different Strokes” and conducted seventy times since September 2011, this proven workshop on tips and techniques for giving guys a happy ending with your hands will definitely have your man sizzling. Taught using online videos, a few fun sex toys, and even an easy-to-follow handout with line drawing, “Sizzling Strokes” will have your man wanting you more than ever, even Her World (Feb 2010) magazine agrees! Testimonials here.

You will learn:

Sexual Response Cycle – Stages Our Body Goes Through During Sex

Male anatomy – Knowing his body

The importance of breathing

How to do a genital erotic massage -More than 22 different techniques!

What to use during the massage

To register, click here.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fri 24 Feb - Pucker Up: Kissing (7.30p.m. - 9.30p.m.)

For singles/ couples:

“What is a kiss? Why this, as some approve: the sure, sweet cement, glue and lime of love.” – Robert Herrick

Ever heard of the Candy Kiss, Upside-Down Kiss, French Kiss, Earlobe Kiss, or Nip Kiss? You will once you join the workshop that turns KISSING into an art that you can master! All you need is the willingness to explore the possibilities and you will definitely find yourself enjoying new, fun, and flirty kisses with your partner. Learning these creative kisses will definitely make your partner want to pucker up! (Handout provided.)

You will learn:

Kissing Trivia

Do’s and Don’ts to Kissing

Kissing Techniques

To register, click here.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tues, 28 Feb - Funtastic Fellatio (7.30p.m. - 9.30p.m.)

Only for ladies - Give him orgasms he will never forget! Learn techniques, positions, and physiology for intensified orgasms while going down on him. Taught using online videos and carrots (yes, you read that right, carrots!), this two-hour fun workshop will teach you all there is to know about giving your man the best blow job. Handout provided. Click here for a review. Click here for testimonials. Conducted 40 times as of September 2011, this workshop was previously titled ‘Fabulous Fellatio’.

You will learn:

How to name the different parts of the male penis

Why men love receiving a blow job; why women resist giving one

The eight ways men orgasm

The mental mindset when it comes to giving a blowjob

Basics when it comes to giving a blow job

The different sexual positions

Twenty different blow job techniques from simple to advanced!

To register, click here.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

About the trainer:

Founder of Eros Coaching, Dr. Martha Lee is the only Clinical Sexologist in Singapore who has a doctorate in human sexuality. Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, Men’s Health Malaysia, Durex Singapore Facebook page as well as Durex Malaysia Facebook page. She has a weekly column with PublicHouse.sg and blogs for Good Vibrations Magazine. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. For her full profile, click here.

Fee per workshop:

S$60 per person (Usual S$75 per person);

S$50 per person if you sign up and pay with a partner/ friend;

S$50 per person if you sign up for two or more workshops!

Venue for all workshops: Wasabi Yoga - 54C South Bridge Road, Singapore 058685

Directions:

MRT Station: Clarke Quay or Raffles Place
Bus Numbers: 51, 63, 80, 124, 145, 166, 174, 174e, 197 (South Bridge Rd-boat quay stop)
2, 12, 33, 51, 54, 63, 80, 124, 145, 147, 166, 197 (New Bridge Rd & Eu Tong Sen St stop)

Payment to be made before each workshop via bank transfer or paypal.

Also, to find out about our Yin and Yang Conference on Sat 11 February 2012, click here!

Media: A Touchy Subject - Causes of Intimacy Problems

2012-01-16T10:00:00.003+08:00

This article first appeared in the November 2011 issue of Health & Beauty magazine published in Malaysia. Click image to enlarge/ read.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

What is Febulove?

2012-01-14T10:00:00.002+08:00

Febulove is a month-long campaign on love, eros and romance by Eros Coaching. Eros Coaching is a sexuality and intimacy coaching company in Singapore. Subscribers receive exculsive promotions and e-lessons everyday for the month of February. So join now on www.FebuLove.com.

FebuLove.com is a project by ErosCoaching.com.
Video production by http://seopromovideo.com

Down There Exhibition

2012-01-13T16:30:00.002+08:00

Eros Coaching and SlutWalk Singapore are in the midst of curating a multi-disciplinary exhibition exploring the artist's relationship with the human genitalia, with a focus on the female vulva. Slated for late-March, Down There exhibition is a platform wherein we attempt to deconstruct the image of The Perfect Genitalia, which has been omnipresent with the ascendance of cosmetic surgery (and its profits), marketing (and its effectiveness), and the visibility of mainstream porn. Is there a "perfect vulva"? A "perfect penis"? Who owns it? What about when it comes to intersex and gender-diverse people? With this exhibition, we hope to challenge societal and cultural constructs around human genitalia, as well as to create healthy dialogue about the issues. We are looking for established and emerging artists, and we are welcoming all mediums (sculpture, video, illustration, painting, etc) to be a part of this exhibition.

To generate awareness and interest for this exhibition, we are organising a series of events for the public:

Screening of the Movie Petals
Thurs 9 Feb, 7:30p.m. - 9:30p.m.

Petals - Journey into Self Discovery is a remarkable video documentary that both examines and questions the many unspoken myths about the appearance and nature of women's sexual organs. The essence of a woman's sexuality -- her vulva - has been a taboo subject of depiction by cultures locked into fear of our basic physical nature. These deep-seated beliefs directly affect sexual self-esteem. The movie records the reactions of sex educators, women's health professionals, art critics, female activists, as well as the men/women in the street as they confront the physical mystery of womanhood.

Photographer Nick Karras has composed images with an unusual visual and emotional sensitively. The documentary follows his intimate journey as he produces a book of artful photographs. His subtle black and white photographs discover the delicate beauty in the infinite variety of female genitals, inspiring a profound sense of wonder and awe. Quite different from conventional sexual expectations, the film is continually revealing. Unforgettable women became his guides and teachers - Betty Dodson, the legendary leader pioneer of women's sexual liberation; Linda Savage, Ph.D., a published cultural anthropologist; Ina Laughing Winds, a teacher of shamanic sexual traditions; Sarah Mundy, a young woman with a website dedicated to the glories of the vagina, and many other dynamic women. They joined him in confronting both the current fears and timeless beauty found in a woman's most basic sexual nature.

Fee: S$10 per person

Venue: Eros Coaching

No. 5 Purvis Street, #02-05, Talib Court, Singapore 188584

Nearest MRT: City Hall or Bugis

Parking: National Library, Raffles City Shopping Centre or Bugis Junction

Vulva Drawing workshop
Thurs 1 March, 7:30p.m. - 9:30p.m. OR
Fri 9 March, 7:30p.m. - 9:30p.m.

It is important that as women we celebrate the diversity of vulvas – different shapes, sizes, colours – because we are all beautiful, whole and complete the way we are not what the others say. We are meeting to discuss our relationship with our sexual anatomy and to draw our vulvas. Do not worry too much if you do not understand your anatomy as I will run through before the drawing session.

What we will cover:
• Short Introduction of the Female/ Male Anatomy
• Drawing of anatomy (can be based on memory/ photograph you bring/ abstract)
• Non-judgmental Sharing

Before you can do a good anatomy drawing, you can do a self examination with a mirror in private. This can be very confrontational because as women, we are taught from a young age not to touch ‘down there’ and our private parts being ‘dirty’. As adults, we need to reconcile with past negative messages and recognise we are beautiful, whole and complete before we can truly have a wonderful sexual life. Anatomy drawing is a way of celebrating our bodies, womanhood and being women.

I like to encourage you to come to this session with an open-mind, with the knowledge that the other participants will be women just like yourself desiring to acknowledge their sexual beauty and with the confidence that this will be a safe and supportive group.

Each session is facilitated by clinical sexologist, Dr. Martha Lee (link to my profile, please). Participants who wish to contribute those digital photographs and/or their artistic work anonymously towards a future art exhibition may do so. Testimonials from those who have attended previous workshops are here (http://www.eroscoaching.com/2010/06/testimonials-sexual-self-discovery-for-women/)

Fee: S$25 per person

Venue: Eros Coaching

No. 5 Purvis Street, #02-05, Talib Court, Singapore 188584

Nearest MRT: City Hall or Bugis

Parking: National Library, Raffles City Shopping Centre or Bugis Junction

Down There Exhibition

3rd/ 4th week March
Venue to be announced

For enquiries, please email register@eroscoaching.com.

Pleasure Salon Singapore

2012-01-13T16:29:00.002+08:00

The original Pleasure Salon was founded in New York as a way to allow for a sex-positive community to materialize. Chapters in Chicago and Melbourne have since followed suit.

Pleasure Salon Singapore intends to do the same. We want to pave the ground for a sex-positive network and create an open exchange of ideas about sex, in a society where talking about sex is non-existent and/or taboo. We want to encourage healthy discussions surrounding sex and sexuality, in a safe space while embracing the principles of respect, tolerance, acceptance, openness, and non-judgmental support for one another.

Everyone is welcome. There is no dress code. Together we can exchange passions, thoughts, ideas, feelings, experiences, knowledge, information, creative expression, art and anything else that happens to inspire, engage or educate around the theme of sexuality.

Pleasure Salon is brought to you by Eros Coaching and SlutWalk Singapore.

Thurs 2 Feb evening

Thurs 8 March evening

Thurs 12 April evening

Thurs 10 May evening

Thurs 14 Juneevening

Thurs 12 Julyevening

Thurs 16 Aug evening (postpone one week as National Day)

Thurs 13 Sept evening

Thurs 11 Oct evening

Thurs 8 Nov evening

Thurs 13 Dec evening

Venue: To be announced

Fee: To be determined

You can make sure you never miss an event announcement by registering for our email newsletter here!

extraordinaire instrument de musique

2012-01-13T10:00:00.000+08:00

Just some music to brighten your day today. When was the last time you listened or watched something for pure enjoyment?

Tues 28 Feb - Funtastic Fellatio

2012-01-12T22:47:00.003+08:00

Only for ladies – Give him orgasms he will never forget! Learn techniques, positions, and physiology for intensified orgasms while going down on him. Taught using online videos and carrots (yes, you read that right, carrots!), this two-hour fun workshop will teach you all there is to know about giving your man the best blow job. Handout provided. Click here for a review. Click here for testimonials. Conducted 40 times as of September 2011, this workshop was previously titled ‘Fabulous Fellatio’.

You will learn:

How to name the different parts of the male penis

Why men love receiving a blow job; why women resist giving one

The eight ways men orgasm

The mental mindset when it comes to giving a blowjob

Basics when it comes to giving a blow job

The different sexual positions

Twenty different blow job techniques from simple to advanced!

Date: Tues 28 Feb 2012

Time: 7:30p.m. – 9:30p.m.

Venue for workshop: Wasabi Yoga – 54C South Bridge Road, Singapore 058685

Directions:

MRT Station: Clarke Quay or Raffles Place Bus Numbers: 51, 63, 80, 124, 145, 166, 174, 174e, 197 (South Bridge Rd-boat quay stop) 2, 12, 33, 51, 54, 63, 80, 124, 145, 147, 166, 197 (New Bridge Rd & Eu Tong Sen St stop)

Fee per workshop:

S$60 per person (Usual S$75 per person);

S$50 per person if you sign up and pay with a partner/ friend;

S$50 per person if you sign up for two or more workshops!

About the trainer:

Founder of Eros Coaching, Dr. Martha Lee is the only Clinical Sexologist in Singapore who has a doctorate in human sexuality. Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, Men’s Health Malaysia, Durex Singapore Facebook page as well as Durex Malaysia Facebook page. She has a weekly column with PublicHouse.sg and blogs for Good Vibrations Magazine. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. For her full profile, click here.

For the other Febulove workshops, click here!

Also, to find out about our Yin and Yang Conference on Sat 11 February 2012, click here!

Fri 17 Feb - Conscious Connecting

2012-01-12T22:46:00.019+08:00

For singles/ couples - Do you have difficulty asking for what you want in bed? Do you have a desire to be a better lover for your partner? How exactly can you connect intimately with your partner? All these questions and more will be answered in this clothes-on workshop that explores the four different types of touch: Giving, Receiving, Absorbing, and Allowing. Understanding and practicing these distinctions will change the way you experience touch and shift your personal, and even professional, life fundamentally. So allow yourself and your man to connect in a more intimate level and feel the change in your relationship. (You are strongly encouraged to attend this workshop with your partner or friend.)

Date: Fri 17 Feb 2012

Time: 7:30p.m. – 9:30p.m.

Venue for workshop: Wasabi Yoga – 54C South Bridge Road, Singapore 058685

Directions:

MRT Station: Clarke Quay or Raffles Place Bus Numbers: 51, 63, 80, 124, 145, 166, 174, 174e, 197 (South Bridge Rd-boat quay stop) 2, 12, 33, 51, 54, 63, 80, 124, 145, 147, 166, 197 (New Bridge Rd & Eu Tong Sen St stop)

Fee per workshop:

S$60 per person (Usual S$75 per person);

S$50 per person if you sign up and pay with a partner/ friend;

S$50 per person if you sign up for two or more workshops!

For the other Febulove workshops, click here!

Also, to find out about our Yin and Yang Conference on Sat 11 February 2012, click here!

Tues 7 Feb - Best Of Eros

2012-01-12T22:46:00.018+08:00

For the ladies – For the first time and by popular request! Release your inhibitions and ask your questions! This express, straight-to-the-point course for the busy woman who just needs to cut through the chase, and only wants to know the best of hand and blow job techniques just in time for Valentine’s Day!

You will learn:

Why men love receiving a blow job

Best hand and blow job techniques (More than 10!)

To perfect those skills through practising on a carrot!

Date: Tues 7 Feb 2012

Time: 7:30p.m. - 8:30p.m.

Venue for workshop: Wasabi Yoga - 54C South Bridge Road, Singapore 058685

Directions:

MRT Station: Clarke Quay or Raffles Place Bus Numbers: 51, 63, 80, 124, 145, 166, 174, 174e, 197 (South Bridge Rd-boat quay stop) 2, 12, 33, 51, 54, 63, 80, 124, 145, 147, 166, 197 (New Bridge Rd & Eu Tong Sen St stop)

Fee per workshop:

S$60 per person (Usual S$75 per person);

S$50 per person if you sign up and pay with a partner/ friend;

S$50 per person if you sign up for two or more workshops!

For the other Febulove workshops, click here!

Also, to find out about our Yin and Yang Conference on Sat 11 February 2012, click here!

Tues 21 Feb - Sizzling Strokes

2012-01-12T22:46:00.017+08:00

Only for the ladies - Previously titled “Different Strokes” and conducted seventy times since September 2011, this proven workshop on tips and techniques for giving guys a happy ending with your hands will definitely have your man sizzling. Taught using online videos, a few fun sex toys, and even an easy-to-follow handout with line drawing, “Sizzling Strokes” will have your man wanting you more than ever, even Her World (Feb 2010) magazine agrees! Testimonials here.

You will learn:

Sexual Response Cycle – Stages Our Body Goes Through During Sex

Male anatomy – Knowing his body

The importance of breathing

How to do a genital erotic massage -More than 22 different techniques!

What to use during the massage

Date: Fri 17 Feb 2012

Time: 7:30p.m. – 9:30p.m.

Venue for workshop: Wasabi Yoga – 54C South Bridge Road, Singapore 058685

Directions:

MRT Station: Clarke Quay or Raffles Place Bus Numbers: 51, 63, 80, 124, 145, 166, 174, 174e, 197 (South Bridge Rd-boat quay stop) 2, 12, 33, 51, 54, 63, 80, 124, 145, 147, 166, 197 (New Bridge Rd & Eu Tong Sen St stop)

Fee per workshop:

S$60 per person (Usual S$75 per person);

S$50 per person if you sign up and pay with a partner/ friend;

S$50 per person if you sign up for two or more workshops!

For the other Febulove workshops, click here!

Also, to find out about our Yin and Yang Conference on Sat 11 February 2012, click here!

Fri 24 Feb - Pucker Up: Kissing

2012-01-12T22:46:00.016+08:00

For singles/ couples:

“What is a kiss? Why this, as some approve: the sure, sweet cement, glue and lime of love.” – Robert Herrick

Ever heard of the Candy Kiss, Upside-Down Kiss, French Kiss, Earlobe Kiss, or Nip Kiss? You will once you join the workshop that turns KISSING into an art that you can master! All you need is the willingness to explore the possibilities and you will definitely find yourself enjoying new, fun, and flirty kisses with your partner. Learning these creative kisses will definitely make your partner want to pucker up! (Handout provided.)

You will learn:

Kissing Trivia

Do’s and Don’ts to Kissing

Kissing Techniques

Date: Fri 24 Feb 2012

Time: 7:30p.m. – 9:30p.m.

Venue for workshop: Wasabi Yoga – 54C South Bridge Road, Singapore 058685

Directions:

MRT Station: Clarke Quay or Raffles Place Bus Numbers: 51, 63, 80, 124, 145, 166, 174, 174e, 197 (South Bridge Rd-boat quay stop) 2, 12, 33, 51, 54, 63, 80, 124, 145, 147, 166, 197 (New Bridge Rd & Eu Tong Sen St stop)

Fee per workshop:

S$60 per person (Usual S$75 per person);

S$50 per person if you sign up and pay with a partner/ friend;

S$50 per person if you sign up for two or more workshops!

For the other Febulove workshops, click here!

Also, to find out about our Yin and Yang Conference on Sat 11 February 2012, click here!

Fri 3 Feb - Pillow Talk

2012-01-12T22:46:00.015+08:00

For the ladies - This is a NEW course intended to spice up your conversations! Erotic talk can improve communication and intimacy, deepening you and your partner’s connection. It supplies variety and excitement to a stagnant relationship! It opens up a world of new erotic possibilities for couples by expressing each other’s needs and wants in all possible ways and then working (and playing) together to achieve them. It is the art of imagination and fantasy, tapping into the most important sex organ in the body: the brain.

You will learn:

Benefits of erotic talk (Why you should do it)

Differentiate between male and female fantasies, and how to better tailor your erotic messages!

How to engage in sensual talk through your sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch

How to get your partner to talk erotically

Date: Fri 3 Feb 2012

Time: 7:30p.m. - 9:30p.m.

Venue for workshop: Wasabi Yoga - 54C South Bridge Road, Singapore 058685

Directions:

MRT Station: Clarke Quay or Raffles Place Bus Numbers: 51, 63, 80, 124, 145, 166, 174, 174e, 197 (South Bridge Rd-boat quay stop) 2, 12, 33, 51, 54, 63, 80, 124, 145, 147, 166, 197 (New Bridge Rd & Eu Tong Sen St stop)

Fee per workshop:

S$60 per person (Usual S$75 per person);

S$50 per person if you sign up and pay with a partner/ friend;

S$50 per person if you sign up for two or more workshops!

For the other Febulove workshops, click here!

Also, to find out about our Yin and Yang Conference on Sat 11 February 2012, click here!

Sex News in Asia - 1/9/12

2012-01-12T10:00:00.004+08:00

This article first appeared on Good Vibrations Magazine.
http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
Singapore

Public House called for Ministry of Education to reveal more information about their revised sexuality education programme.

This is MOE's response after three letters for members of the public, including myself.
My piece for Public House on Women who don’t know how to say no. This is part 4 of a 4 part series.

Young girl's horrific ordeal revealed in court

Malaysia

Malaysian man dies in Jakarta hotel room after overdosing on sex stimulant

Single parents need more help

A 19-year-old girl was locked up, assaulted and forced to have sex with several men whom her captors brought before she was rescued during a police raid at a budget hotel in Taman Melaka Raya.

India

India's booming assisted fertility business encourages childless couples to overcome the 'curse' of their infertility.

Women should know how much skin they should cover: Karnataka minister

The response to the Andhra Pradesh DGP's comments by the SlutWalk team

Mr. DGP you're asking for a slutwalk

In a shocking incident in a village in India, a married woman was asked to dip her hands in boiling water to prove her fidelity.

A glimmer of hope in the sad tale of sex-selective abortion in India

China

China's masked superheroine sparks buzz

Unidentified model filmed having sex in public

Cambodia

Russian businessman, who became the focus of Cambodia's largest-ever paedophilia case after buying sex from 17 girls, has been freed from jail with a royal pardon

The Philippines

Man jailed in Sweden for child rape in Philippines

Korea

South Korean police on Sunday detained a Chinese man accused of throwing petrol bombs at the Japanese embassy in Seoul after reportedly claiming his grandmother was forced into wartime sex slavery.

Malaysia

Former beauty queen proud to be plastic: She has gone for 10 cosmetic procedures

Indonesia

Australia says Bali tattoo likely gave patient HIV. Another report is here.

Siti Maimunah, 19, a resident of Genuk subdistrict in Semarang, Central Java, has declared herself a male named Muhammad Prawirodirjoyo following a verdict by a local court.

Indonesian maid brutally raped in Saudi Arabia

Japan

A Japanese blogger explores changing attitudes towards male cross-dressers: ‘Cross-dressers are okay so long as they’re pretty’

China

In China, a daring few challenge one-child limit

Popular Hong Kong star, Cecilia Cheung, is angered by a controversial art expo staged in Nanjing, China, by the infamous “naked headmaster”model, Yang Linchuan, which featured a nude painting of the 31-year-old star

Homosexuality is not a psychiatric disorder: Hong Kong College of Psychiatrists – making it the first psychiatric or psychological professional body in Asia known to have done so.

Chopsticks: Hong Kong’s first lesbian-themed musical

The Philippines

Young Filipinos resort to soda-soap mix contraceptive

Yin and Yang Conference: Making Love for a Lifetime

2012-01-12T10:00:00.003+08:00

As part of Febulove, we are pleased to introduce our one-day conference:

Yin and Yang: Making Love for a Lifetime

Date: Sat 11 February 2012
Time: 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Venue: HDB Hub, Punggol Room

An event that approaches a couple’s sexual relationship in a whole new light. From knowing and appreciating the yin and the yang of each other’s sexual anatomies and overcoming obstacles to sexual fulfillment to learning skills to improve your adventures in the bedroom, this one-day encounter aims to impart sexual information, knowledge, and skills for couples to be able to more confidently and authentically connect with each other sexually. All the sessions promise not only enhancement of sexual pleasure deepening of intimate relationships.

You will learn to:
1. Differentiate and appreciate the differences between the female and male sexual anatomy
2. Identify different sexual difficulties and what you can do about them
3. Practice conscious connecting through touch
4. Sexual skills you can apply immediately in the bedroom!

Talk 1: Nuts and bolts: About male and female sexual anatomy (9:30a.m. - 10:30a.m.)
Talk 2: Sexual difficulties and what you can do about them (11:30a.m. - 12:30p.m.)
Talk 3: Conscious connecting through touch (1:30p.m. - 2:30p.m.)
Talk 4: Sexual techniques: How to make love for a lifetime (3p.m. - 4p.m.)

About the speaker:

Founder of Eros Coaching, Dr. Martha Lee is the only Clinical Sexologist in Singapore who has a doctorate in human sexuality. Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, Men’s Health Malaysia, Durex Singapore Facebook page as well as Durex Malaysia Facebook page. She has a weekly column with PublicHouse.sg and blogs for Good Vibrations Magazine. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. For her full profile, click here.

Fee:

S$30 per talk per person;

S$88 per person, for full-day pass;

S$140 for a couple, for a full-day pass

Venue: Punggol Room, HDB Hub Convention Centre
Basement 1, HDB Hub, 480 Lorong 6 Toa Payoh, Singapore 310480 (Nearest MRT: Toa Payoh)

Payment to be made before each talk.

Also, to find out about the other Febulove workshops, click here!

Condom a Cappella - TV ad

2012-01-11T10:00:00.001+08:00

This is a fun condom video.

Description: This 'condom a cappella' ringtone is featured in a new "Jo Samjha Wohi Sikander" campaign produced by the BBC World Service Trust and funded by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.

John Stamos' Guide To Cuddling

2012-01-10T10:00:00.000+08:00

Really fun and instructional video on cuddling techniques. It is funny to see the men hugging where in a homophobic society, men rarely touch each other. I like it for normalising touch between men.

Description: John reunites with Bob Saget for a manly look at tenderness.

Media: Why he strays - Is he unhappy with you or with the sex?

2012-01-09T10:00:00.004+08:00

This article first appeared in the October 2011 issue of Health & Beauty magazine published in Malaysia. Click image to enlarge/ read.

Defining sex, sexuality and intimacy

2012-01-08T23:14:00.002+08:00

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

What are sex, sexuality, and intimacy to you? What do those words actually signify in your mind? Is sex just about the physical act of sexual intercourse? The meaning of ‘sex’ can be problematic when the way you define it is different from the way other people around you do. Not only that, these problems with definition may inadvertently lead to problems with sex. Therefore, it may be useful to take some time to clarify, so that we know what we are talking about when we talk about sex.

What is sex?

Sex is sometimes approached from the biological perspective: a way of distinguishing male and female members of a species. Or, it might simply refer to the genitals. The third definition is the more common one: sexual intercourse, otherwise known as coitus, an act that can result in reproduction between a heterosexual pair.

Having understood the dictionary definition, I would like to contribute my own. Sexual activity, to me, is not only about penile-vaginal penetration. Sex is a result of any sexual stimulation resulting in physiological changes in one or more persons. Hence, hand jobs, blow jobs, foreplay, afterplay, anal touch, porn watching, solo sex or masturbation are all sex to me. Massage may also be sex depending on the way it is delivered, and how it feels for the receiver. Orgasm or ejaculation does not need to take place for sex to have occurred.

Therefore, I would disagree with the former United States President Bill Clinton, who, on 26 January 1998, spoke at a White House press conference, and issued a forceful denial, which contained what would later become one of the best-known sound bites of his presidency: “But I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I’m going to say this again: I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false.” Clinton later admitted to an improper relationship with Lewinsky, and used a limited, legalistic formulation of the meaning of sex to deny that he lied at this press conference.

To me, sex involves one’s entire being – body, mind and emotions. How we think and feel about our bodies, ourselves, and our partners, as well as how we interpret the physical contact, are all dynamics that play out subconsciously during sex. Sex may also be seen as a spiritual act by some – where we are in union with another person.

What is sexuality?

The word sex and sexuality are often used interchangeably. Anna Freud once said, “Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are.”

Sexuality is comprised of more than a sum of the spectrum of sexual activities possible; it is, rather, one’s individual sexual expression. As a complex aspect of our personality, it is defined by our sexual thoughts, desires, longings, erotic fantasies, turn-ons, and experiences. Scarleteen, a popular sexuality-resource site, said that a person’s sexuality is regarded as an intrinsic part of who we are – an identity that cannot be separated any more than our ethnicity, or religious/ spiritual beliefs.

Our shame, guilt and/ or trauma surrounding sex, our lack of sexuality education, role models and resources about sexuality, as well as our cultural, social and gender expectations all contribute towards this complex picture of what our sexuality becomes. The sexist code embedded in our cultural norms, and sexual stereotypes, also play a part in our idea of normal gender roles.

What is intimacy?

Intimacy does not just happen in the bedroom. It is generally agreed that intimacy has to do with the feelings of closeness, safety, and being loved. Intimate behaviours may include being able to share personal feelings, stories, or private thoughts. Being physically close can contribute to greater intimacy, as well as the idea of two people becoming one, or the blurring of subjective boundaries between two different people.

To me, a visual representation of intimacy as seen in my mind’s eye involves being able to look across a room full of strangers, catching the gaze of somebody you know at the other end, and being able to instinctively recognise what the other is trying to communicate, whether it’s boredom, frustration, or joy. What mental image of intimacy comes up for you?

As you can tell, intimacy is a subjective internal experience requiring at least two individuals. Some people crave more in the way of sexual intimacy than others. A good place to start is to explore for yourself what kinds of sexual intimacy you have experienced in your life thus far, and what you would like more of in the future.

I hope these definitions of sex, sexuality, and intimacy have been useful to you. Share this piece, and discuss the topic with your loved ones. You may be surprised about the difference in views that you encounter.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

The Shocking Truth About Your Health

2012-01-08T10:00:00.000+08:00

TEDxFiDiWomen - Lissa Rankin

The Shocking Truth About Your Health about the REAL reason you're sick

Lissa Rankin, MD is an OB/GYN physician, author, keynote speaker, consultant to health care visionaries, professional artist, and founder of the women's health and wellness community OwningPink.com. Discouraged by the broken, patriarchal health care system, she left her medical practice in 2007 only to realize that you can quit your job, but you can't quit your calling. This epiphany launched her on a journey of discovery that led her to become a leader in the field of mind/body medicine, which she blogs about at OwningPink.com and is writing about in her third book Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof You Can Heal Yourself (Hay House, 2013).

She teaches both patients and health care professionals how to make the body ripe for miracles by healing the mind and being healthy in all aspects of life, not just by promotinghttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif healthy behaviors like good nutrition, exercise, and adequate sleep, but by encouraging health and authenticity in relationships, work, creative expression, spirituality, sexuality, finances, and living environment. She is leading a revolution to feminize how health care is received and delivered by encouraging collaboration, fostering self-healing, reconnecting health care and spirituality, empowering patients to tap into the mind's power to heal the body, and encouraging women not thttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifo settle for being merely well, but to strive for living vital, joyful, authentic lives full of "mojo."

When not spreading the word, she chills out, paints, does yoga, and hikes in Marin County, CA with her husband and daughter.

Event video by: http://repertoireproductions.com/

This woman is absolutely amazing. I am a fan. I reviewed her book What's Up Down There last year. You can read it here.

Song: My Vagina is 8 miles wide

2012-01-07T10:00:00.000+08:00

Obviously, nobody's vagina is 8 miles wide, but this song is fun.

Funny comment by TheLedgerLover under the YouTube: I had this song stuck in my head at the dinner table during a very mundane conversation between my parents. They were discussing how we had gotten our broken microwave fixed, and I absently blurted out "oh yeah thats right, we have a vagina now!". The look I got was priceless.

Sex News in Asia - 1/2/12

2012-01-06T10:00:00.002+08:00

This article first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.

Singapore

The Ministry of Education (MOE) has drafted a revised Sexuality Education Programme (SEP) to boost emphasis on abstinence over contraception. The first report appeared in The New Paper.

Letter by Rev. Yap on MOE’s revision of sexuality education on The Online Citizen

My letter Sexuality education is not just about physical act on PublicHouse

Police the criminal, do not blame the victim

Sex trade goes online.

Police smash online prostitution ring run out of rented condo

Burglar cum molester could face corrective training

Teacher pleads guilty to affair with 14-year-old student

Book review: I will survive explores the lives of 21 GLBT people in Singapore. The ebook can be purchased now.

Malaysia

Former beauty queen proud to be plastic: She has gone for 10 cosmetic procedures

Indonesia

Australia says Bali tattoo likely gave patient HIV. Another report is here.

Siti Maimunah, 19, a resident of Genuk subdistrict in Semarang, Central Java, has declared herself a male named Muhammad Prawirodirjoyo following a verdict by a local court.

Indonesian maid brutally raped in Saudi Arabia

Japan

A Japanese blogger explores changing attitudes towards male cross-dressers: 'Cross-dressers are okay so long as they're pretty'

China

In China, a daring few challenge one-child limit

Popular Hong Kong star, Cecilia Cheung, is angered by a controversial art expo staged in Nanjing, China, by the infamous "naked headmaster"model, Yang Linchuan, which featured a nude painting of the 31-year-old star

Homosexuality is not a psychiatric disorder: Hong Kong College of Psychiatrists - making it the first psychiatric or psychological professional body in Asia known to have done so.

Chopsticks: Hong Kong’s first lesbian-themed musical

The Philippines

Young Filipinos resort to soda-soap mix contraceptive

Testimonial - Male Client

2012-01-05T10:00:00.000+08:00

"I was rather nervous when I was about to have our first session. I did not know what to expect. But I must say I was really surprise to see a very gentle and demure lady. I felt awkward and thought would she be able to talk about sexual issues? As we started the discussion, I was really amazed at the comfortability of Martha discussing sexual issues. It felt professional, comfortable and natural. I felt that there was no judgement or whatsoever, and with lots of patience and reassurance. This is important as sexual issues can be shared freely, openly and honestly. I feel blessed that Singapore has Martha as the one and only Certified Sexologist in Singapore who advocates positive sexuality. Her knowledge is wide and indepth. I highly recommend anyone who has sexual issues of any kind to consult Martha for her professional services." - Anonymous Male Client, Dec 2011

Media - Sexual Consent: Women who don’t know how to say no

2012-01-04T10:00:00.000+08:00

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

This is part four of a four-part series on sexual consent. The other pieces can be found here: Sexual consent: When no is no; Sexually Confused: When No is a Game; and No Go: Too Drunk to Consent.

In early December, paparazzi pictures of 19-year-old Hong Kong starlet, Rose Chan, being kissed and hugged by fellow actors and co-stars Joe Ma, 43, and Benny Chan, 42, surfaced. The actors had apparently gone for supper after a day of filming in Hengdian, China.

The pictures showed Rose grimacing at being touched. Sympathy vanished rapidly when more pictures emerged of Rose smiling during the supper high jinks. Some questioned if it was a publicity stunt, especially since Rose is a wing chun practitioner and certainly could have defended herself.

A teary-eyed Rose gave her side of the story at a press conference before reporting the men to the police for allegedly molesting her. Since then Chan has said he does not wish to dwell on the past and only wants to work hard as well as care for his family. Ma, who has admitted that the recent scandal has upset his wife, said he intends to go on a holiday with her after finishing the filming of his current drama.

Reactions to this story on my Facebook page included:

Empathy:

“The 2 blokes clearly took advantage of the situation. They laced her with alcohol & jumped her. Obviously didn’t know they were photographed.”

Apathy:

“If she was a willing party, then the photos show otherwise.”

Outrage:

“I’m so tired of men blaming women for “inviting” sexual advances by being drunk and/or friendly: “Rose drank heavily and allowed the men present to greet her warmly.” And assuming that “silence” means consent – perhaps it was fear that kept her silent.”

Those in it for a laugh:

“She high, u high. Just groped la!”

Disgust at Chan’s half-hearted apology blaming the alcohol:

“Too many of these a**holes blame alcohol instead of themselves.”

Rose was supposed to have a buddy looking out for her – another co-star, Timmy Hung, son of gongfu star Sammo Hung, but Timmy was reported to have been drunk himself. There are some who believe Rose was plied with drinks and taken advantage of.

She might have tried to but not felt powerful enough to say no – possibly for fear of offending her co-stars; or for fear of being called a prude. Perhaps she was too naive and trusting, or maybe when she did realise she was the centre of attention, she was already drunk.

Never mind that Rose is a raising starlet, she is only nineteen. However, I am certain she has grown up a whole lot in the last month.

We live in an imperfect world. Our world believes that women can and should do things to prevent being victimized – and this may well be her best self-defence mechanism. This is different from criticizing the way she dresses and not trusting any of her male friends.

According to AWARE’s leaflet on Reducing Risks of Sexual Assault, tips which pertain to the above case include:

• Be smart about alcohol. It’s much easier to be a victim or predator when you’re trashed.

• Consent cannot be given when someone is drunk, passed out or emotionally distressed.

• Be clear and assertive. If there is any misunderstanding – say no. Respect yourself: it is always OK to say no. It is okay to change your mind. Sex is never an obligation.

• Avoid any situation where you’re not completely comfortable and don’t be afraid to leave any situation that makes you feel uneasy.

Educating young people on sexuality and alcohol can be challenging. While there is no excuse for some men being lechers, a woman, on her part, has to learn to maintain control and fend off unwanted attention, maybe even not agreeing to put herself in situations where her safety will be compromised. A young person who does not know how to drink has to learn fast, or master the art of saying no; or they may be confronted with the situation which Rose found herself in.

Don’t be afraid to say no.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Forum letter on MOE's Revised Sexuality Education Program

2012-01-03T10:00:00.002+08:00

The following is my letter to the Straits Times Forum page and the Today newspaper. On 27 December 2011, Yahoo Singapore reported how the New Paper had reported that the Ministry of Education "has drafted a revised Sexuality Education Programme (SEP) to boost emphasis on abstinence over contraception."

I read with great dismay that the Ministry of Education (MOE) has drafted a revised Sexuality Education Programme (SEP) to boost emphasis on abstinence over contraception. While claiming that the revision is to "ensure that it is updated and relevant" to students, I worry that MOE is in effect diluting the programme to make it more palatable for one religious denomination.

I speak as the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists as well as the only certified sexologist by American College of Sexologists in Singapore. I also run a sexuality and intimacy coaching company, Eros Coaching. I have worked with many individuals and couples who lament that their sexual lives would have been more positive if they had received comprehensive sexuality education growing up, accurate, fact-based, and non-judgmental information about sex and sexuality.

While it is true that abstinence is the only 100% fool-proof way to not get pregnant or catch a sexually transmitted infection (STI), how likely is it that our youths who are delaying marriage for further studies and career advancement will all only have sex and wait until marriage? At what point are they entitled to receive comprehensive sexuality education? And from where?

Contrary to what the public seems to believe, sexuality education is not just about the physical act of sex or safer sex practices. A big part of it constitutes relationship with self and others: love and commitment, marriage and partnership; the importance of self-esteem and communication skills in a relationship and the law relating to sexual behaviours and relationships as well as the range of religious and cultural views on sex, sexuality, and sexual diversity. Then there is also sexual development and reproduction, HIV/STIs and safer sex practices, as well as contraception and birth control. Hence comprehensive sex education vs abstinence-only, in effect, equips our future generation for a successful adult life.

There needs to be a clear differentiation between what we hold dear as our personal values and religious beliefs, which form our individual choices; and what the state ought to do right by our people. State-wide educational programs should not be dictated by which communities are the most vocal. Sexuality education does not promote promiscuous sexual behaviour, but rather teach its recipients how to make better sexual choices for themselves. We are doing our future generation a great disservice in not equipping them to navigate the complexities of an adult world.

Dr. Martha Lee
Clinical Sexologist
Eros Coaching

Media: Sex Without Orgasm - What's the point?

2012-01-02T10:00:00.003+08:00

This article first appeared in the September 2011 issue of Health and Beauty magazine, Malaysia.

5 Minute Vaginal Birth

2012-01-01T10:00:00.000+08:00

This video will give you new meaning and appreciation of your mother, the woman who gave you life.

5 Minute Vaginal Birth Of An Actual Live Human Fetus Baby ~The Circle Of Life

Milestones of 2011

2011-12-30T10:00:00.002+08:00

Day/ Date What

Sat 9, 15 Jan - Conducted With a Bang workshops, a project for Health Promotion Board

Tues 1 Feb - Launch of 1st Febulove Campaign www.febulove.com. It returns 1 Feb 2012.
Tues 9, 16, Fri 25 Feb - Completed 1st Manifest the Love of your Life workshop
Fri 11 and Sat 12 Feb - Conducted Lady in Red workshops, a project for Health Promotion Board
Sat 12 Feb - Spoke about Sexual Healing After Cancer, National University Hospital, Singapore
Fri 18 Feb - Conducted 1st Ask Away: Your sex questions answered

Sat 5 Mar - End of Diva in Me workshops, a project for Health Promotion Board
Sun 6 Mar - End of Sex Smart Me workshops, a project for Health Promotion Board
Fri 11 Mar - Facilitated Games Nite: Board games for ladies
Sat 12 Mar - Recognised as one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot
Sat 12, 19, 26 Mar - Conducted Being Real workshop for ladies, a project for Health Promotion Board
Wed 30 Mar - End of Health Promotion Board project: 25 workshops over Oct 2011 to March 2011

Sat & Sun 2 – 3 April - Conducted His Love, Her Love workshop
Fri 15 April - Conducted 2nd Ask Away: Your sex questions answered
Fri 29 April - Spoke about The Doctor-Friend for the Aging Male, 3rd Urology Expert Meeting, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

May - Appointed official sex expert for magazine, Men’s Health Malaysia

Sat 11 June - Spoke at CozyCot Being Sensual Conference
Sat & Sun 25 & 26 June - Conducted 1st Sexual Attitude Restructuring workshop
Wed 29 June - Spoke about Erectile Difficulties: When it is Psychological, Singapore Urological Association Educational Night, Singapore

Sun 3 July - Panelist on Roundtable Discussion on sex, Post Museum
Sat & Sun 16 & 17 July - Taught three topics: Sexuality Coaching; Treatment of Vaginismus; Sexual Enhancement – Teaching Faculty, Certificate of Andrology, Society of Men’s Health, Singapore

Aug - Eros Coaching sponsors Etiquette II, a 3-week art, writing and film showcase
Mon 22 Aug - New portrait photographs taken by Marcus Mok, makeup by Yukiko Lim

Fri 2 Sept - Began weekly column on PublicHouse.sg.
Fri 10 Sept - Conducted 40th Funtastic Fellatio workshop (ongoing)
Sat 11 Sept - Conducted 70th Sizzling Strokes workshop (ongoing)
Thurs 15 Sept - Attained Certified Sexuality Educator status with the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, the only one in Singapore
Sat 24 Sept - Led Condom Factory Visit to Johor Bahru. Another planned for March 2012.

Mon 3 Oct - Interview on Mediacorp Radio alongside Uma Furman
Thurs 6 Oct- Conducted 1st sexual positions workshop, More than Missionary with Uma Furman
Mon 17 Oct - Attained Competent Communicator award with Toastmasters International
Tues 18 Oct - Spoke about Sexuality Education for 80 pharmacists from Watsons, Singapore
Thurs 20 Oct, 2 p.m., 6p.m., and Sun 23 Oct, 11a.m. - Airing of radio interview Slice of Life by Eugene Loh on Mediacorp
Sun 23 Oct - Spoke about Intimacy and Sexuality following Gynaecological Surgery, 21st Annual Obstetrics & Gynaecology Nurses’ Seminar, Singapore
Tues 25 Oct - Featured in Yahoo Singapore: “Straight talk with Singapore’s sex doctor”, with Eros Coaching website hitting 4,460 hits in one day

Fri 18 Nov - Spoke about Sex in the City, Rotary Club of Singapore North

Dec - Appointed the sex expert for Durex Malaysia Facebook page
Sat 3 Dec - Facilitated Exploring sex, sexuality and intimacy at SlutTalk Singapore
Sun 4 Dec - Eros Coaching sponsors SlutWalk Singapore.
Tues 6 Dec - Conducted Conscious Connecting workshop
Sat 10 Dec - Conducted a talk before screening of Orgasm Inc at Sinema
Tues 20 Dec - Facilitated Singing Bowl Jamming workshop

For more about Dr. Martha Lee, click here.

Sex News in Asia - 12/26/11

2011-12-29T10:00:00.004+08:00

This article first appeared on Good Vibrations Magazine.

The Philippines

Filipino stewardesses dance again

Singapore

One in 10 Singapore women suffers from endometriosis.

Big is beautiful. Celebrating diversity in body shapes.

Singapore pursues a discriminatory policy against low-income Singaporean men married to foreigners. Their wives cannot get PR or citizenship and can only stay in Singapore by applying for LTVP (Long Term Visitor Pass). Supporting a family when you're poor in Singapore is extremely tough given the high cost of living. For these poor Singaporean men with foreign wives, their problems are compounded because those on LTVP are not allowed to work, cannot get subsidised medical care and apply for HDB flats.

Malaysia

'Missing' gay Malaysian newlywed in Ireland draws harsh criticism. Another report is here.

A teacher told his wife that he was giving “private tuition” but was actually having sex with a 14-year-old student.

Indonesia

Commentary: Don’t laugh, don’t rape

Commission wants govt to take responsibility for minivan rapes

Oz awards Indonesian bloggers for AIDS awareness

Police wife faces lie detector for rape claim. More here.

Suspected rapist claims to have promised to marry his victim

India

Mobile app to help Indian women fight sex assault. It enables women to immediately alert friends or family if they feel at risk

Mumbai cops stop Indian sex workers heading to Southeast Asia

Japan

What began as a street fashion two decades ago as youngsters aped the doll-like European styles of baroque and rococo has morphed into a near mainstream movement, with dozens of offshoots.

Korea

South Korean President presses Japan to address the long-standing issue of Korean women forced into sexual slavery during World War II.

Seoul Student Rights Ordinance passes with sexual orientation, gender identity protections

How a Girl Should Put a Man's Shirt

2011-12-28T10:00:00.001+08:00

A video showing creative ways to wear a man's shirt. You never know when you might need to pull a trick or two!

Media: All I want for Christmas is...

2011-12-27T10:00:00.001+08:00

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

It started as a post on my Facebook: “Please comment: What I want for Christmas is…”

The answers came fast and furious ranging from:

More positive sexuality:

“Comprehensive Sex Education Programs in Public Schools!” for Dorian Gomez, Art Director & Resident Curator at Erotic Heritage Museum of Las Vegas.

“....end of religious conflicts on planet Earth. True Love Heals, truly. Sex is merely a tool, ...”

For the greater good of mankind:

“Equality of men and women; education for all; eradication of extremes in wealth and poverty; racial equality - the usual things!” for Susan Ludwig Goharriz who is a beloved friend and a registered nurse from Ontario, Canada.

“The end of the Dominator era” (which I take to mean: the end of a hierarchical approach of governance).

To the personal:

“‎...to sleep as long as I want to and not have to get out of my pyjamas all day... (I don't think this has happened since I was 9)”

“A new year of peace and harmony, more ME time and pay off all my debts! Mmm! :-)”

“Healthy kids” from a mother of two.

To connecting with another:

“...heart expanding connection with Beloved”

“Someone to cuddle, chat n enjoy the Christmas spirit.”

“smiles”

About local politics

“The govt to be less fridget?” (or frigid)

And the suggestive

“a 3D printer -- because then....” by Steve McGough.

“Lets get real, A pair of tits to satisfy my lust. Lol”

However I got one reply that had a singular alphabet “U”. He is engaged to be married. Then a second one came in, “YOU”. This one is married.

Enough was enough. Besides deleting their posts, I sent them warnings as well as posted on my Facebook wall:

“While I am a sexologist and sexuality educator and talk about sex all the time, it does not mean I deserve and am open to have inappropriate sexual advances directed at me. It is called sexual harassment. Joking about wanting ME for Xmas is NOT funny!”

The responses that came included:

Support:

“‎{{{HUGS}}} It is amazing what some people can say hidden behind their screens. I'm sorry, hon.”

Comment:

“Lame and perverted”

Agreement:

“Yes, very true”

Calls to ignore:

“Martha, ignore these pple. They r juz being shallow!”

“They don't deserve anymore attention than what you have just said”

“Martha Lee, just ignore these perverts, obviously they have no respect at all & they don't deserve yr respect... stay cool :D”

Of course I thought of ignoring such people. This was my reply:

“I don't think being passive and letting them get away with such abuse is appropriate either. Speaking up and calling their bluff may well alter behavior. I will just continue speaking up for me. Thanks very much.”

Deborah Yuen (somebody I have never met) spoke up:

“I agree with you Martha. It's not good to ignore them, because they have already violated you in their minds. It's best to stand up to them and shut them up, so they won't do this anymore. So what if you are an expert on sex, it doesn't mean you see yourself as a prostitute!”

She added, 11 minutes later:

“Sexual harassment is actually a form of sexual abuse. When you are sexually harassed, you are actually shamed and wounded in your self esteem. They are actually demeaning you and placing you beneath them (in ranking and importance). If you keep allowing them to do that to you without standing up to them, it will affect your self esteem. Standing up to them will heal your self esteem and the wounding inflicted on you. You need to stand up to abuse for your own healing and self-respect.”

I actually do love the discussion of what this seemingly innocent question of “What I want for Christmas is…” triggered.

I had actually moved beyond shock, disgust, and anger at these two men in a matter of seconds. My posting on my Facebook wall was not about retaliation. I could just block these two and that would have been the end of it, but instead decided to use it as a teachable moment. My reaction was replaced with curiosity, delight and awe with what people on Facebook, especially Deborah, had to say.

How many of us truly understand what sexual harassment is? Do we even discuss those parameters? How often does a woman speak up against unacceptable sexually charged language directed at her (in this case, me)? And what are the odds of another fellow woman (a complete stranger, no less) totally getting it and furthering the understanding for all to read? Priceless.

What I want for Christmas is to be recognised for the individual that I am (not for my gender, sexuality or looks), for the work I do, for the lives I transform, and for the legacy of living life fully and fearlessly.

Happy holidays.

All names used with permission.

Don't say gay

2011-12-26T10:00:00.001+08:00

If kids can know what is appropriate, why can't us adults? Have a good holiday. Be kind to others.

Description: In 8th grade we had a PSA project. ( Public Service Announcement) Don't Say Gay. I chose a funny way to present it. Subscribe! And thanks to my little brother for being the star!

This video was featured on AOL.com and the Huffington Post!

I think Mom is Santa

2011-12-25T10:00:00.001+08:00

Nice one!

Kermit The Frog - The Christmas Wish

2011-12-24T10:00:00.000+08:00

Kermit and John Denver sing a beautiful Christmas song from their 1979 special

What do you wish for Christmas? Have you taken the time to think of other people as one? What could you do for others?

Sex News in Asia - 12/19/12

2011-12-23T10:00:00.002+08:00

This article first appeared on Good Vibrations Magazine.

Singapore

Action for Aids launches mobile testing service

Fridae.com founder sues board of directors

Shirtless men clad in red sweatpants have been lining up for days in Singapore's prime shopping district, part of an advertising gimmick revealing not just muscle but also a gradual unpeeling of the city state's puritanical ways.

Commentary here: It ain’t easy being a beefcake

Malaysia

The Johor Health Pharmaceutical department is having trouble nabbing illegal medicine peddlers due to tontos who constantly provide information on raids to them.

Male sex workers on the prowl in Penang

The Malaysia government will suggest that girls as young as 12 years old be given human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccination against cervical cancer owing to boys becoming sexually active at a younger age. State Women, Family, Health and Community Development Committee chairman Dr Robia Kosai said girls currently received the HPV shots when they reached 13 but it should be administered at an earlier age.

Some points in the Code of Practice of HIV

Indonesia

Abdul Rohman, a faculty member at Indonesian Islamic University, writes in The Jakarta Post that it is imperative to foster dialogue between religious groups and gay communities, and for religious groups to reach out to them and learn how to synchronise their situation with Islam. Column: Can you be gay and Muslim?

Robin Lim, an American woman who has helped thousands of poor Indonesian women have a healthy pregnancy and birth, was named the 2011 CNN Hero of the Year.

10 East Java inmates HIV positive

Commercial sex workers in Surakarta, Central Java, have demanded a designated red-light district to ensure better organized outreach services, especially on health.

Batam prostitutes claim councilor client

Issue: Segregating men and women on buses

High school girl arrested for sex trade

HIV/AIDS among housewives and children on the rise

Korea

Urgent petition drive underway to keep LGBT clause in Seoul’s Student Rights Ordinance Bill

Gay South Korean conscript wins refugee status in Canada

S. Korean president presses Japan on sex slaves

Korean former comfort women hold 10000th protest

Oldest Korean victim of Japan's wartime sexual slavery dies

Thailand

A recent upsurge in the number of underage girl prostitutes in some northeastern provinces is causing concern, a children's rights advocate group says.

China

Xiangqi, the founder of Shanghai Nvai about setting up the city's only lesbian group for local Chinese, faux marriages where gay men and lesbian women marry one another, and lesbian life in China.

Chinese man arrested for hiring wedding strippers

The Philippines

The Philippine's only political organisation for LGBTs has urged Catholic priests, who oppose the anti-discrimination bill, to "come out of their extravagant churches to see the reality – that some LGBTs are not hired to work, some are being harassed and violated and some 144 killed because of their sexual orientation and gender identity."

Media: No go - too drunk to consent

2011-12-22T10:00:00.002+08:00

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

During the presentation “Promoting Consent, Preventing Coercion” by AWARE as part of SlutTalk on Saturday 3 December, I shared for the first time, how years ago, a male friend rebuffed me when I suggested we went clubbing.

Me: “Hey, we should go clubbing together one of these days!”

His immediate reply was, “What’s the point? You don’t drink.”

“Just ‘cos I don’t drink doesn’t mean we can’t go dancing together,” I asked, completely bewildered.

“You don’t drink so it means we are not going to have sex,” he retorted.

I backed off. Previously, he was the one who first suggested we went dancing. When I told him that there was no sexual attraction between us and that we could only be friends, he invited me to a party, only for me to refuse repeatedly during the night his offers to drink because I don’t drink. I did not think much of it.

Later, having felt more comfortable around him, I suggested we went dancing together – as friends – only to have the above conversation take place. He had ulterior motives: to ply me with drinks, and somehow, convince me to have sex with him while intoxicated. He thought he would succeed with me drunk, when he could not while I was sober. I wondered if this was a tactic that he had used and gotten away with before with other girls. I question if this was a strategy that men used. And if so, did they not realise it was essentially sex without consent – or rape?

Sexual consent is not possible when a partner is intoxicated. Hence I was completely distressed when I read news reports of how Ong Ming Wee, a 29 year-old, raped a 23 year-old girl at Toa Payoh North, and I was even more outraged with what he claimed in his defence.

Dubbed the Zouk rapist, Ong claimed that the woman seduced him when they were dancing on the dance floor. Could it be that she was uninhibited after having had some drinks? One’s behaviour on or off the dance floor is not indicative of one’s sexual desire. He further testified in his defence that while taking her home in a cab at about 4am, they kissed, and she agreed to his suggestion to head for his place. Was he asking leading questions? Perhaps all she wanted was to lie down?

In reality, the victim, while still in her semi-conscious drunken stupor state, made frantic phone calls to her mother and friend to take her home when she found herself in a place she did not know. Why didn’t he send her home then? She had cried and said repeatedly that she wanted to go home but Ong would not let her leave unless she had sex with him. Fearful of her safety and perhaps worn down by his repeated demands, she eventually had sex with him. She later found bruises on her left shoulder and upper arm.

Ong was sentenced to seven years in jail and eight strokes of the cane in April 2011. (See here)

One might say that the victim should have known her limits when it comes to drinking, or that she should have had her friends watch out for her, or that she should not have dressed or danced quite so seductively. Whatever the other circumstances that led to the rape, we do not know as they were not reported; but we could also say that Ong should have accepted a no as a no, and not persist to get what he wanted.

Section 90 of the Penal Code in Singapore states that there is no consent:

(a) if the consent is given by a person under fear of injury or wrongful restraint to the person or to some other person; or

(b) if the consent is given by a person who, from unsoundness of mind, mental incapacity, intoxication, or the influence of any drug or other substance, is unable to understand the nature and consequence of that to which he gives his consent.

Fellow participants at SlutTalk groaned when I shared my personal story at the start of this article. A few immediately asked if I was still “friends” with the above-mentioned guy. Incidentally, the answer is no, but for reasons other than what transpired. As with many women out there, I have more to learn about separating the wolves from the sheep. And for the men out there, a woman who is intoxicated is too drunk to consent to sex!

-------------------

The above is Part 3 of Dr Martha Lee's special 4-part series on the issue of sexual consent. You can read Part 1 and Part 2 here:

Part 1: Sexual consent - when no is really no.

Part 2: Sexually confused - when no is a game.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Your First Love: Your Parents

2011-12-21T10:00:00.001+08:00

These videos have nothing to do with sex but your relationship with the first people in your life: your parents. We have been so busy growing up, we sometimes forget that they are getting old.

When was the last time you expressed your love to your parents? After all these years, it is still hard for me to verbally say it... so recently, I chickened out and texted my dad my gratitude for his unconditional love. Technology does help!

Do watch these two videos. They make me tear up. No matter what happened to you growing up, they gave you life. They are also works in process. They are doing the best they can. They, too, have their own stories. Love them.

Yin and Yang Conference: Making Love for a Lifetime

2011-12-21T02:35:00.002+08:00

As part of Febulove, we are pleased to introduce our one-day conference:

Yin and Yang: Making Love for a Lifetime

Date: Sat 11 February 2012
Time: 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Venue: HDB Hub, Punggol Room

This one-day event aims to impart sexual information, knowledge and skills for couples to be able to more confidently and authentically connect with each other sexually.

You will learn to:
1. Differentiate and appreciate the differences between the female and male sexual anatomy
2. Identify different sexual difficulties and what you can do about them
3. Pactice conscious connecting through touch
4. Sexual skills you can apply immediately in the bedroom!

Talk 1: Nuts and bolts: About male and female sexual anatomy (9:30 - 10:30a.m.)
Talk 2: Sexual difficulties and what you can do about them (11:30 - 12:30p.m.)
Talk 3: Conscious connecting through touch (1:30 - 2:30p.m.)
Talk 4: Sexual techniques: How to make love for a lifetime (3 - 4p.m.)

About the speaker:

Founder of Eros Coaching, Dr. Martha Lee is the only Clinical Sexologist in Singapore who has a doctorate in human sexuality. Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, Men’s Health Malaysia, Durex Singapore Facebook page as well as Durex Malaysia Facebook page. She has a weekly column with PublicHouse.sg and blogs for Good Vibrations Magazine. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. For her full profile, click here.

Fee:

S$30 per talk per person;

S$88 per person, for full-day pass;

S$140 for a couple, for a full-day pass

Venue: Punggol Room, HDB Hub Convention Centre
Basement 1, HDB Hub, 480 Lorong 6 Toa Payoh, Singapore 310480 (Nearest MRT: Toa Payoh)

Payment to be made before each talk.

Also, to find out about the other Febulove workshops, click here!

Febulove Workshops

2011-12-21T02:24:00.002+08:00

As part of our Febulove campaign in February, these are our workshops which you can sign up for:

Fri 3 Feb - Pillow Talk: Erotic talk (7.30p.m. - 9.30p.m.)

For ladies - NEW course! Erotic talk can improve communication or intimacy, and it supplies some variety to a stagnant relationship! It is the art of imagination and fantasy, tapping into the most important sex organ in the body: the brain. It opens up a world of new erotic possibilities for couples.

You will learn:

Benefits of erotic talk (Why you should do it)

Differentiate between male and female fantasies, and how to better tailor your erotic messages!

How to engage in sensual talk through your sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch

How to get your partner to talk erotically

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Tues 7 Feb - Best of Eros (7:30p.m. – 8:30p.m)

For ladies - For the first time and by popular request, this is an express course for the busy woman who just needs to cut through the chase, and only wants to know the best of hand and blow job techniques just in time for Valentine's Day!

You will learn:

Why men love receiving a blow job

Best hand and blow job techniques - More than 10!

To perfecting those skills through practising on a carrot!

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Fri 17 Feb - Conscious Connecting (7.30p.m. - 9.30p.m.)

For singles/ couples - Do you have difficulty asking for what you want in bed? Do you have a desire to be a better lover for your partner? How exactly can you connect intimately with your partner. This clothes-on workshop explores the four different types of touch: Giving, Receiving, Absorbing, Allowing. Understanding and practising these distinctions will change the way you experience touch and shift your personal, and even professional life fundamentally. You are strongly encouraged to attend this workshop with your partner or friend.

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Tues 21 Feb - Sizzling Strokes (7.30p.m. - 9.30p.m.)

Only for ladies - Tips and techniques for giving guys a happy ending with your hands. Taught using online videos and sex toy. Easy-to-follow handout with line drawing will be provided. This workshop was first reviewed by Her World in Feb 2010. Testimonials here. Conducted 70 times as of September 2011, this workshop was previously titled ‘Different Strokes’.

You will learn:

Sexual Response Cycle – the stages our body goes through during sex

Male anatomy – The inside of his body

The importance of breathing

How to do a genital erotic massage -More than 22 different techniques

What to use during the massage

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Fri 24 Feb - Pucker Up: Kissing (7.30p.m. - 9.30p.m.)

For singles/ couples:

“What is a kiss? Why this, as some approve: the sure, sweet cement, glue and lime of love.” – Robert Herrick

Have you ever wondered if there are varieties in kissing? All you need is the willingness to explore the possibilities and you will definitely find yourself enjoying new, fun, and flirty kisses with your partner. Learning these creative kisses: Candy Kiss, Upside-Down Kiss, French Kiss, Earlobe Kiss, Nip Kiss, and more! Handout provided.

You will learn:

Kissing Trivia

Do’s and Don’ts to Kissing

Kissing Techniques

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Tues, 28 Feb - Funtastic Fellatio (7.30p.m. - 9.30p.m.)

Only for ladies - Techniques, positions and physiology for intensified orgasms while going down on him. Taught using online videos and carrots (yes, you read that right, carrots). Handout provided. Click here for a review. Click here for testimonials. Conducted 40 times as of September 2011, this workshop was previously titled ‘Fabulous Fellatio’.

You will learn:

How to name the different parts of the male penis

Why men love receiving a blow job; why women resist giving one

The eight ways men orgasm

The mental mindset when it comes to giving a blowjob

Basics when it comes to giving a blow job

The different sexual positions

Twenty different blow job techniques from simple to advanced!

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About the trainer:

Founder of Eros Coaching, Dr. Martha Lee is the only Clinical Sexologist in Singapore who has a doctorate in human sexuality. Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, Men’s Health Malaysia, Durex Singapore Facebook page as well as Durex Malaysia Facebook page. She has a weekly column with PublicHouse.sg and blogs for Good Vibrations Magazine. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. For her full profile, click here.

Fee per workshop:

S$60 per person (Usual S$75 per person);

S$50 per person if you sign up and pay with a partner/ friend;

S$50 per person if you sign up for two or more workshops!

To RSVP, please email your name and mobile number to info@eroscoaching.com.

Payment to be made before each workshop via bank transfer.

Also, to find out about our Yin and Yang Conference on Sat 11 February 2012, click here!

Testimonial - Condom Factory Visit

2011-12-20T14:37:00.002+08:00

"This was a very enlightening day trip as I witnessed first-hand the painstaking process that goes behind making a condom - from the creation of those thin rubber sheaths to how they're finally packaged. You won't believe the amount of work that goes into ensuring sure your rubbers are safe-to-use! Props to the factory staff who were knowledgeable and could answer our many questions - and even gave us a little "hands on" exercise in testing the condoms! Martha's workshop (conducted in the factory) was also a treat because she combined the best of her hand job and blow job techniques in a no-holds-barred two-hour session. We also got to pick this sexpert's brains, by asking her all our pressing bedroom questions that we would've been too shy to voice out in any other situation. Overall, a very informative yet fun day!" - J.T.

To register for the next condom factory visit in March 2012, click here!

Videos: Can you believe this?

2011-12-20T10:00:00.001+08:00

Amazing LGBT rights campaign ad from Obs.Salta in Salta, Argentina.

Amazing LGBT rights campaign ad from Obs.Salta in Salta, Argentina.

Jill Bolte Taylor's Stroke of Insight

2011-12-19T10:00:00.000+08:00

What happens when you have a stroke?

Jill Bolte Taylor got a research opportunity few brain scientists would wish for: She had a massive stroke, and watched as her brain functions -- motion, speech, self-awareness -- shut down one by one. An astonishing story.

Beautiful Harmonic Kiss

2011-12-18T10:00:00.000+08:00

When was the last time you made music with your lips?

Description: Tran Quang Hai & Bach Yen have improved the loudness of overtones with the harmonic kiss . You can hear harmonics loudly . Filmed in Limeil Brevannes, France, on Saturday 23 May 2009

Sex kills?

2011-12-17T10:00:00.000+08:00

This is a clip from an abstinence-only instructional video in the United States. It was shown on an episode of NOVA that dealt with teenage sexuality.

I can only imagine what they are showing in schools here in Singapore.

Medical benefits from Orgasm

2011-12-16T10:00:00.000+08:00

Sara Gottfried, MD, is a a Harvard trained gynecologist and sought-after speaker in the realm of female hormones and the biochemistry of vitality. She runs the Gottfried Center for Integrative Medicine in Oakland, CA. (http://www.saragottfriedmd.com/) Dr. Gottfried shares the three medical issues that orgasm addresses in women. Learn that orgasm is vital by lowering high cortisol, raising your estrogen level, and makes your thyroid more efficient. Orgasm is vital for women.

How about that? Have an orgasm today!

Sex News in Asia – 12/12/11

2011-12-15T10:00:00.004+08:00

This article first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.

Asia

Fridae's reporter in Hong Kong Tony Ed Lo meets Fan Popo, this year's HKLGFF Prism Award winner and one of the faces behind the Beijing Queer Film Festival; and John Badalu, the founder of the Q Film Festival in Indonesia who share the challenges of organising their respective festivals.

Singapore

WSJ: SlutWalk Singapore puts feminism in focus.

Public House

When no is a game

When no is really no?

The Online Citizen: SlutWalk - Manufacturing myths about ‘myths’.

The following is a speech delivered by Cher Tan, one of SlutWalk Singapore 2011′s organiser at the event on Dec 4th.

650 take a stand against sexual violence at SlutWalk

Reactions to SlutWalk Singapore

Commentary about SlutWalk Singapore

A beautiful account of the pain of slut-shaming.

Photo essay by The Straits Times photographer, Nuria Ling. This is a series of portraits of some of the participants who were present.

More faces here and here.

Question of: When does dirty dancing become a crime?

Profile: Tania De Rozario is an artist and writer interested in notions of love, loss, desire and home.

1 in 5 men here cheat on partners

"Want an Ang Mo Boyfriend?" -- that’s exactly how one Facebook ad belonging to be2.sg reads, the Singapore branch of an internationally-established dating site known as Be2. The term “ang moh” refers to Caucasian or white folk.

Romantic liaisons between foreign workers on the rise

Cases of flashers, peeping Toms and men taking photographs and videos up unsuspecting women's skirts have risen over the last five years. Police classify these offences as 'intruding into the privacy of a woman'. They dealt with 579 cases last year, up from 365 in 2007. And this year is shaping up to be just as bad, with 307 cases in the first six months alone.

'Shirtless greeters' cause stir in front of Abercrombie & Fitch store

Private hospitals gear up for Dragon baby boom

NSF gets probation for indecent acts with 12-year-old girl

Malaysia

Malaysian-born consultant urological surgeon George Lee talks about overcoming the embarrassment about erectile dysfunction

The Malaysian Men’s Health Initiative (MMHI) shares their findings of how baby boomers are coping with this stage of life, in terms of their lifestyles, health-seeking behaviours and social support.

Malaysians third most unfaithful in the world

Japan

Japan Olympic judo champ fired for sex harassment

India

The Slutwalk garnered more publicity after it was cancelled on December 4, than it perhaps would have if it had taken place.

The planned SlutWalk in Bangalore did not come off on Sunday, with the City police withdrawing permission for the march, apparently under pressure from the “moral police”.

The march is the city's fourth since the Delhi High Court decriminalised homosexuality in July 2009.

Pakistan

Pakistani survivor of 2002 gang rape gives birth

China

Benny Chan apologises for harassing Rose Chan, vows to give up drinking

Rose Chan recounts Joe Ma, Benny Chan's drunken attack, goes to police

Joe Ma, Benny Chan in trouble over drunken harassment of Rose Chan

The Philippines

Department of Foreign Affairs (DFA) returns 5 Pinays from China sex den in Guangzhou near Xiamen.

Forum letter: Man guilty of concubinage may be jailed for 4 years

Burma

The Burmese army has been following a policy of systematically raping women and girls to subjugate the country’s rebellious ethnic minorities.

View last’s week Sex News in Asia here.

Disclaimer: Some of these media reports may portray sex and sexuality in a negative light. I am merely re-reporting them and may not always agree with the reports or opinions expressed.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Aunt Vi and her ukulele "A bicycle built for two"

2011-12-14T10:00:00.000+08:00

KORAKOR presents another great cover by Aunt Vi and her ukulele.

Stay tuned for more on KORAKOR

Media: Sexually confused - when no is a game

2011-12-13T10:00:00.001+08:00

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

As a follow up to an earlier piece "Sexual Consent: When no is really no", I would like to discuss when the act of saying no is actually a game women play; or, when no is actually a heavily coded yes.

When I first read this piece “No” Means “No.” So Why Do Some Women Teach Men It Means “Maybe?” written by Roland Hulme, it resonated with me. Women are quick to pounce on men who do not take no for an answer – surely one no should suffice, and women should not need to repeat themselves. But what if men are confused about the no women are saying?

In his article, Hulme shared how, many years ago, he backed off when a woman he was expecting to have sex with said no. He stopped what he was doing, thinking the no was an actual no, and then the young woman promptly went to another room and had sex with someone else. She had apparently meant “yes” with her “no”. The experience bothered him for years – as it would for most people if they could not figure out what they did wrong.

Things fell in place for Hulme when he came across the concept of LMR, or Last Minute Resistance by MTV’s Pick-Up Artist Erik von Markovik. Also known as ASD, or Anti-Slut Defense, it appears to be an interrupt mechanism to help her avoid being perceived as a slut, or feeling like she is one to herself. I might even call it part of the game of playing hard-to-get.

Because this was such a timely article in view of recent happenings in Singapore – SlutWalk Singapore, the launch of AWARE’s Sexual Assault Befrienders Service, and legal discussions about sexual consent – I reposted Hulme’s article with the comment on Facebook: “While men should get no means no, this man highlights how some women have been encouraging men to do the opposite for decades. Lets get better in speaking our truth!”

I did not expect the kind of ferocity that lay behind a comment by a friend:

“Sure! Let’s put the blame back on women! Come on... as a woman it’s fun (and an important part of foreplay!) to feel ‘conquered’ by desire. Your own and his. Only a moron can’t tell the difference between a real “no” (as in ‘f*** off you a***** and get off of me already’ kind of “no”) and a playful ‘no’ (usually accompanied by some tantalizingly seductive body language ;-)”

Here is a friend whom I have long thought of as an empowered individual, and she is calling men who can’t read body language (when accompanied by negative actual language) morons? She is talking about putting up a LMR or ASD. To her, that’s a core erotic theme, but she is indignant that I would suggest that women should speak their truth about their sexual desires?

I responded:

“Nobody was blaming anyone here. Sure I understand what you are saying, but it is not fun or funny when women are getting raped for men who (these women) really meant no. It is about being congruent verbally and physically, and sometimes sending mixed signals only leads to frustration for the men, or dire consequences.”

I am no prude. I can imagine that perceived resistance or a playful no can add to a woman’s allure. But, surely, there is merit in communicating your sexual intentions not just physically but also verbally, so there is no confusion or room for misinterpretation. What of the women who are raped because men are taking their no as a big fat joke? Do they deserve to be violated? What of the men who are not good in non-verbal communication, who end up confused like Hulme, or worse, commit a (non-violent) violation simply through the lack of communication from the woman?

Her reply:

“Hmmm ... It still sounds to me like you’re implying that it’s the women who are sending mixed signals ... not the men who don’t know how to read them as something other than what they want to read. I doubt that any woman who felt raped and protested during the act would feel it’s fair on her to say she sent mixed signals when she told him to stop.”

Me:

“I did not imply anything. I was saying we need to be clear about what we want and communicate it so there is no misunderstanding. To call men who can’t read your body language signals morons is to assume that all men are made equally. Discernment is needed in each situation. You are choosing to read my words in a way that seems convenient to your purpose of engaging in some kind of debate. Sorry I am stepping on your toes. Please go post elsewhere and leave me alone.”

I was angry. Women who persist in saying no verbally and communicating yes physically are indeed, by definition, sending mixed signals. Of course they do not deserve to be raped (no one does) but they certainly could do better at speaking up – speaking their truth. I found myself now siding with all the confused men out there who don’t know how to read such signals – the men this friend called morons.

Her reply:

“Whoa ... where did that reaction come from??? If you don’t want people to engage in meaningful discussions with you on interesting topics you post, what’s the point in posting them? No reason to make things personal, Martha. Relax.”

My last response was:

“Didn’t seem as though you wanted to discuss anything but focused on interpreting my words your way. I could say ditto to you.”

Was I taking it personal? Was I unfair? Should women stop putting up LMR or ASD or playing hard-to-get? Discuss. And remember, there’s nothing wrong in being genuine.

---------------------

Sexual assault can be extremely traumatic. AWARE now has a Sexual Assault Befrienders Service (SABS). SABS Befrienders will accompany a sexual assault victim to the police, the hospital, or to court. They also provide information and emotional support to guide and help the victim through the various legal and medical processes. This service operates Mondays to Fridays from 10a.m. to 9:30p.m. The helpline is (65) 6779-0282; email sabs@aware.org.sg.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Media: Sexual consent - When no is really no

2011-12-12T10:00:00.003+08:00

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

Recently, there has been a lot of discussion about what sexual consent means.

As part of SlutWalk Singapore, a fringe event entitled, “Silence Does Not Mean Consent”, was held on Sunday 27 November.

AWARE, Singapore’s only gender-equality advocacy group, released two information leaflets: “What is consent?”, as well as “Reducing Risks of Sexual Assault”, at SlutTalk on Saturday 3 December. The New Paper also raised the question, “When does friendly banter cross the line?”, on Tuesday 6 December after SlutWalk Singapore.

So what exactly is consent when it comes to sex?

According to Scarleteen, a popular sexuality resource website for young people, consent is:

• Voluntary: Not coerced.

• Sober: A person who is intoxicated cannot legally give consent.

• A process: Asked for at every step of the way.

• Verbal: If you want to move to the next level of sexual intimacy, just ask.

• Informed: Never implied and cannot be assumed.

• Mutual: Both people should be involved in the decision to have sex.

• Wanted: Just because you are in a relationship does not mean that you have permission to have sex with your partner, even if sexual activity has already occurred.

• Enthusiastic: The absence of a “no” doesn’t mean “yes”, and “maybe” is still a “no”.

Indeed, Section 90 of the Penal Code in Singapore states that there is no consent:

(a) if the consent is given by a person under fear of injury or wrongful restraint to the person or to some other person;

(b) if the consent is given by a person who, from unsoundness of mind, mental incapacity, intoxication, or the influence of any drug or other substance, is unable to understand the nature and consequence of that to which he gives his consent.

AWARE’s leaflet “What is consent?” cautions that consent has to be expressly given to any form of penetration. It states that rape is committed when a man penetrates a woman’s vagina with his penis without her consent. Penetration of the vagina or anus with fingers or the hand, or getting a woman to give a blow job without her consent constitutes “unlawful sexual penetration”, which carries the same penalty as legal rape. The penalty for both offences is imprisonment for a term of up to twenty years plus a fine or caning.

I have often been asked whether seeking consent each step of the way during a sexual encounter would break the flow of activity or dampen the intensity of the emotional connection. It would appear to be disruptive; however, I would say the reverse would be true. One should not assume any entitlement to another person’s body or sexuality. The verbal articulation can reduce any second-guessing, when and where non-verbal communication cues are not clear. This respect and honesty can reassure your partner, as well as build even more trust and intimacy in the relationship, which, in turn, leads to sex being a better experience. It is normal and healthy for women to communicate their needs, wants and preferences.

Let’s be clear, once again, about when No means No.

“Not now” means No.

“Wait” means No.

“I rather be alone” means No.

“No thanks” means No.

“You are not my type” means No.

Silence means No.

“Stop” means No.

“Get off me” means No.

Sexual assault can be extremely traumatic. Normal reactions of victims include fear, guilt, anger, confusion, sadness, depression and shock after the incident. Ladies do not need to go through this alone.

AWARE launched a Sexual Assault Befrienders Service (SABS) on Friday 25 November. SABS Befrienders will accompany a sexual assault victim to the police, the hospital or to court. They also provide information and emotional support to guide and help the victim through the various legal and medical processes.

This service operates Mondays to Fridays from 10a.m. to 9:30p.m. The helpline is (65) 6779-0282; email sabs@aware.org.sg.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Goodbye 2011, Welcome 2012

2011-12-12T06:15:00.001+08:00

Goodbye 2011, Welcome 2012
Tues 10 Jan 2012, 7:30 - 9:30p.m.

Time flies and it's the tail-end of 2011 again. Let's come together to reflect on the year that is about to finish, and prepare for 2012 by setting some personal and professional goals. This workshop aims to facilitate your inward-reflection as well as prepare you for 2012. You can expect to do some group sharing, thinking and journaling.

Fee: S$30 per person

Venue: No. 5 Purvis Street, #02-05, Talib Court, Singapore 188584

Conveniently located two streets away from Raffles Hotel, diagonally opposite from Bras Basah Complex, and opposite National Library. It is upstairs of Miss Clarity Restaurant (Bright pink sign). Look for the door leading to a staircase on the immediate right side of the restaurant. (Note there is construction going on at the next unit.)

Nearest MRT: City Hall or Bugis

Parking: National Library, Raffles City Shopping Centre or Bugis Junction

To RSVP, please email your name and mobile number to info@eroscoaching.com. Payment to be made before the workshop.

Condom, No Condom?

2011-12-11T18:33:00.001+08:00

Condom, No Condom? is an interactive video by the NHS about condoms and safer sex that allows you to choose your own ending.

http://www.nhs.uk/sexualhealth
http://www.4ypbristol.co.uk/

Video: Anonymous Testing Site (ATS)

2011-12-11T10:00:00.004+08:00

The Anonymous Testing Site by Action for Aids is manned by friendly volunteers, counselors and coordinators who are all here to help you, not to judge you. Counseling is provided before and after testing. You http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifcan choose from the two options: the fingertip prick and an oral swab test.

No names are required and nothing is recorded even with positive results. For more, click here. You may also choose to go to other sites here.

Media: SlutWalk is not about Sluts

2011-12-10T10:00:00.002+08:00

This article first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.

As a sexologist in Singapore, I am interested in all news related to sex and sexuality; I’m also subscribed to the news feeds of fellow sexuality educators around the world.

When I first read about the outrage of Canadian activists following the suggestion of Constable Michael Sanguinetti, a Toronto Police officer, that “women should avoid dressing like sluts” to remain safe, I wondered “What are they going to do about it? What can they – or anyone – do?”

When the SlutWalk movement started, all I thought was “Good on them.” The campaign started growing. On 23 April, I shared on my Facebook page that SlutWalks had gone viral.

Even then, I did not pay much notice to it until it reached India. If they could plan a SlutWalk in New Delhi, why can’t we in Singapore? Could I make it happen? How could I? I also knew the laws in Singapore preventing any kind of public protests other than in Hong Lim Park. So what would be the point?

And besides, I rationalised, I run a one-person practice and definitely do not have the time or resources to organise a public event of any major scale. What I did instead was share the link for SlutWalk on my Facebook page. Within seconds, my Singaporean friends were in turn re-sharing the article.

On 19 June, I learned that a group of people were indeed planning a SlutWalk. I immediately shared the news on Facebook: “SlutWalk in Singapore? It blows my mind!” I also reported this on Good Vibrations Magazine which I contribute to.

On 9 July, I met Vanessa Ho, for the first time. She was facilitating a panel discussion on sex which I was part of at Post Museum. She was also one of organisers of SlutWalk Singapore. I expressed my interest to support the event, and subsequently donated towards it, even in a small way.

Yesterday, I was there at SlutWalk Singapore, and it was heart-warming to witness the solidarity and out-flowing of love everywhere, in spite of the rain. 674 people showed up.

This is a movement that speaks to me because:

SlutWalk shouts the message of: Don’t rape! Instead of Don’t get raped!

SlutWalk reminds us that no one deserves to live in fear of being sexually assaulted.

SlutWalk speaks of sexual violence as being not about how one is dressed, but power and dominance over another.

SlutWalk highlights that there should never be any excuses for victim blaming.

SlutWalk is about breaking the cycle of violence and hatred that pervades the fabric of our society.

When I was pursuing my doctorate at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, the question of what ‘a slut’ actually is came up. My professor, Dr Thomas Gertz, said, “A slut is someone who has more sex than you.” Later he added, “I don’t ever want to hear any of you calling anybody a slut.” To do so is passing judgment about how one ought to lead their life and how their sexuality is to be expressed.

SlutWalk is not about sluts.

It is about the people not being afraid of being who they actually are.

It is also about a small group of individuals who are making a difference – who dare because they care.

I am looking forward to the next SlutWalk Singapore. Are you?

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Videos: Let's Be Positive About HIV

2011-12-09T10:00:00.001+08:00

Adrian Pang - Let's Be Positive About HIV

People living with HIV/AIDS often hide their status due to fear of discrimination. Adrian Pang steps forward as a voice for people living with HIV/AIDS.

Join Adrian Pang in becoming a voice that cares, and give people living with HIV/AIDS the strength to face their loved ones. We are positive that together we can be a society that is supportive, understanding and accepting towards people living with HIV/AIDS.

Show your support by being their voice or wear a badge for the cause at http://facebook.com/BePositive.

Hear what Royston have to say.
visit www.facebook.com/BePositive for more info

In Mandarin

让我们敞开胸怀对待爱之病患

今天就上网 www.facebook.com/BePositive 表示你的支持。

In Malay

Dengarlah keterangan lanjut dari A.B Shaik.

Luahkan sokongan anda di www.facebook.com/BePositive

Sex News in Asia - 12/5/11

2011-12-08T10:00:00.004+08:00

Asia

Photos from World AIDS Day including Asia

The majority of the world's trafficked people are in Southeast Asia, and about half of those are forced into sex work.

On Sunday 4 December, four cities in Asia will hold SlutWalk, a rally against rape and sexual shaming: Singapore, Hong Kong, Bangalore (cancelled last minute – see below) and Mumbai.

Singapore

We're not about 'the right to dress sexy': Slutwalk organisers

The police are letting SlutWalk, an anti-sexual violence event, be held on Sunday at Speakers' Corner without a permit. Another one is here.

Commentary about Kirsten Han: SlutWalk – No need to get your knickers in a twist.

The sheer volume of advertisements listed under Craigslist Singapore's "Personals" section is insane; there are more than 2,000 ads just under one of the nine sub-sections for November.

The announcement by the Law Minister that they would move to repeal Section 157(d) of the Evidence Act was the result of many small efforts. My role is documented here!

8 in 10 Singaporeans have work on their mind while on holiday

Easing HIV stigma at workplaces

S'poreans more accepting of HIV/AIDS sufferers now

Treat those with HIV fairly, Action for Aids appeals

10-Year-Old Vanessa's Secret: She's HIV-Positive

Just 12 per cent of newly-diagnosed cases were detected through voluntary testing last year, and more than half of these cases already had late-stage HIV infection when diagnosed.

Two Charged With Failing to Tell Sex Partner of HIV Status

Blog about World AIDS Day Singapore 2011 - Let's Be Positive about People Living with HIV

Singapore-born Berlin-based dancer/choreographer Ming Poon has just begun a two year artistic residency at the Substation and is seeking interviewees for a two-year project about people’s attitudes towards HIV and people with HIV.

2 men charged with paying a 16-year-old girl for sex

The government is planning to set up a specialist agency for child protection to intensify efforts to support children of abuse. I assume this includes sexual abuse.

Helping sex workers, fighting sex trafficking

One in 10 men here have no sex, survey finds

Local women ranked top 5 most unfaithful

HOME to set up anti-human trafficking centre in S'pore

Man, 60, jailed for sexual offences with boy

Malaysia

In conjunction with the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women on Friday, the Women Parliamentary Caucus held a campaign "Say No to Violence Against Women and Children" at KL Sentral. Another one is here.

Special triage room for rape victims.

Man 'buys' girl's virginity, mum demands money to cover up

Women-only cabs launched

Korea

Women wise up to defend themselves

As South Korea has grown richer, its total fertility rate has fallen to the lowest level in the industrialized world, from more than six babies per mother in 1960 to 1.15 today, far below the accepted replacement level of 2.

India

Police permission for the SlutWalk Bangalore was withdrawn at the last minute (five hours ago). The reason given was concerns against a possible law and order situation, precipitated by complaints made by right-wing organizations (and others) against the walk. More on SlutWalk Singapore's Facebook page.

A Canadian porn star appearing in India's biggest reality TV show is causing a stir in the mostly conservative country where sex is taboo and open displays of affection are still frowned upon.

Travel agents and operators in India are gearing up to promote itself as a LGBT-friendly travel destination despite not getting any support from the Tourism Ministry.

Dream of gender equality remains miles away

Troubled Times for India’s ‘Sexy Theaters’

Indonesia

Indonesian singer, Syahrini’s enthusiastic approach towards welcoming footballer David Beckham seemed to have rubbed others the wrong way.

Intimate pre-wedding photos banned in western Indonesia

Surabaya received some shocking news: Entrepreneurs have overtaken sex workers as the largest group of people who have contracted the deadly disease in the city.

Indonesian Girl Barred From School in HIV Dispute Gets Support. Another story is here.

Indonesia Considers Protection From HIV-Status Discrimination

HIV Diagnosis Is No Longer a Death Sentence

The Philippines

More than 1,000 gays, lesbians and transgenders have marched in the Philippine capital to demand equal rights and an end to discrimination, and more support for an AIDS program.

The Philippines is struggling to deal with a worsening HIV-AIDS problem, with far too little money being spent on reversing a steady rise in infection rates

China

China expects 48,000 new HIV cases this year

HIV-positive men urge China Premier to end discrimination

HIV positive teachers to petition China govt

A petition from more than 12,000 people was sent to the Ministry of Human Resources and Social Security and the Ministry of Health on Tuesday, to mark World AIDS Day on Thursday, calling for equal rights for HIV-positive job seekers.

American-Taiwanese singer-actor Peter Ho was recently detained by the customs at an airport in China because the customs officers found that he was carrying more than 100 boxes of condoms in his carry-on luggage.

“Rose Chan didn't mind getting groped” Yes, but did she give explicit consent? Just because she didn't say no doesn't mean she was saying yes.

Rise in Asian women trafficked into China: report

The plaintiff, publicly known as Ms W and who has since 2008 been fighting for her the right to marry, will now take her case to the Court of Final Appeal after the Court of Appeal last Friday refused her the right to legally marry a man.

Myanmar

Almost all Palaung ethnic women from eastern Myanmar are affected by domestic violence at the hands of their partners and other family members.

Pakistan

Finally An End To Bartered Brides?

Japan

Record numbers of young Japanese do not have boyfriends or girlfriends, and many do not want one.

View last’s week Sex News in Asia here.

Disclaimer: Some of these media reports may portray sex and sexuality in a negative light. I am merely re-reporting them and may not always agree with the reports or opinions expressed.

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexologist with American College of Sexolohttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifgists with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

10 Things Men Would Never Say

2011-12-07T10:00:00.001+08:00

Just a fun video on 10 things that you would never hear a man say. Any truth in them?

Video: Anniversary

2011-12-06T10:00:00.002+08:00

To commemorate World AIDS Day
Full credits goes to Royston Tan and Alfian Sa'at.

Media: Practising sex and mindfulness

2011-12-05T10:00:00.002+08:00

This piece first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

Have you heard the saying that sex can be a form of meditation? Annie Sprinkle, a performance artist and sexuality educator in the United States, combined the words masturbation and meditation to coin the word medabation. You, too, can practise mindful sex if you so desire. You may need to begin practising these concepts of mindfulness outside of the bedroom, before being able to proceed to have conscious sex.

First of all, what is meditation? Meditation happens simply when you acknowledge and observe whatever is happening – whether pleasant or unpleasant – in a relaxed manner. You probably already know that being relaxed and yet noticing what is happening to and around you, so as to respond accordingly, are key steps to having good sex.

These are the main components of being mindful:

Be in a natural state of mind

Your mind is relaxed and at peace. You are neither focusing too hard, nor trying to control your thoughts. There is no force or restriction imposed upon yourself. You are simply allowing your mind to be in its natural state of restfulness. How natural can you be if you are anxious about performance, or wrapped up in the inner dialogue in your head?

Be physically relaxed

It is not just about the mind. Your body should also be in a natural position and relaxed. Both the mind and the body should be comfortable. Bringing your attention gently to your breath is one way of centering yourself and allowing yourself to go into an even deeper state of relaxation.

Be aware

Being aware is not in trying to create anything, or rejecting what is happening. It is observing what the mind and body are experiencing. What are you thinking? What are you aware of? Where is the mind’s attention now? Inside? Or outside? It is not preventing thinking, but rather recognising and acknowledging thinking whenever it arises. This acknowledging allows thoughts to enter, and then drift away.

Be in the moment

It is about paying attention to the present moment, and not getting lost in the thoughts about the past or being carried away by thoughts about the future. It’s commonly called being in the moment or being in the present. Being truly in the moment – even somewhat engrossed in the now, where time seems to stand still – leads us to the next point of more easily letting go of expectations.

Let go of expectations

Do you want something during sex? Do you expect something specific to happen? Do you want something to stop happening? How do you think it will all pan out? During sex, we are so hard-wired and driven to take our partners or ourselves to climax that we may be, in effect, forcing a result. The effort to make the other person experience pleasure can actually create more anxiety and difficulties. Trust that the body knows what the body wants and allow the body and mind to go where it feels natural.

Letting go of expectations involves trying to know what is happening as it is. It is not about trying to make things turn out the way you want them to happen. There is no expectation, no want of anything, and no anxiety whatsoever. The result of wanting something or wanting something to happen will only be that you tire yourself out, and fail to experience what is actually happening.

One needs to be watching and waiting patiently with awareness, and not just about trying to experience something you want, have read, or heard about. A light and free mind tends to attain better results. Do you have the right attitude to have mindful sex? You can begin by practising sitting by yourself and practicing some of the above tips, and seeing if this makes a difference to the quality of your connection with your partner.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Paul's Talk at the Oregon Adolescent Sexuality Conference

2011-12-04T10:00:00.002+08:00

Paul Joannides is a really good sexuality educator in the United States. This is a video about why sex education needs to include discussions about porn.

To hear "90 Seconds on Sex" by Dr. Paul, please visit http://www.90SecondsOnSex.com
His website is http://www.PaulJoannides.com

The Insightful Heart: A Recipe of Care

2011-12-03T10:00:00.001+08:00

When was the last time you paused, reflected and connected with your heart?

Description: Welcome to the second video in the Insightful Heart series, "A Recipe of Care." This series of short videos from the Institute of HeartMath is designed to encourage you to pause, reflect and connect with your heart. We hope these simple and uplifting messages -- each about a minute -- will touch your heart and add inspiration throughout your day. As you experience each of these videos, take a moment to ponder their meaning. Consciously activate these feelings several times daily and make them part of who you are.

Download: Dr Martha Lee's Media Kit

2011-12-02T10:00:00.002+08:00

Please download my media kit which attempts to answer most of the commonly asked questions about me:

Who is Dr Martha Lee?

What is she about?

Where has she spoken at?

What are the workshops she has conducted?

What is Eros Coaching about?

Where has she been featured?

How do I get in touch with her?

Click here to download!

I hope you find it useful. Please give me your feedback!

Xmas Promotion - Sex Toys

2011-12-01T10:00:00.003+08:00

: Death By Orgasm Mummy

For a limited introductory period, sex shop U4Ria is offering S$20-$30 off normal prices for each of the below products if you order online:

1) New Lelo Insignia SenseMotion - Lelo Oden, Lelo Lyla and Lelo Tiani

2) New We-vibe 3

3) PicoBong (by Lelo) - Mahana, Honi, Kiki, Ipo, Koa, Tano

4) Most popular novelty vibrator: Death By Orgasm - Vampire, Mummy, Zombie, Werewolf & Scorpion

If you are visiting any of the three U4Ria stores, just mention "Eros Coaching" to get your discount! Valid till Feb 2012.

To order, click here.

Main Store: U4Ria @ #02-48 Peninsula Plaza (near City Hall MRT), Tel: (65) 63377 463/98515156. Email : enquiry@u4ria.com.sg Biz hrs: Mon-Sat:11am-9pm, Sun & PH: 12pm-6pm

Branch: 777 Geylang Road, (Right side of Geylang main road, next to Lorong 41, few mins from Paya Lebar MRT, Exit D). Tel: 6848 2155. Biz hrs: Mon-Sat: 12pm-11pm, Sun & PH: 1pm – 10.30pm. (Largest Adult Shop in Singapore. More than one thousand adult toys & novelties for your selection!)

Branch: U4Ria @ #02-11A Midpoint Orchard (opp. 313 @ Somerset / MRT; next to Courts) t: 6738 7198. Call or sms hotline: 8228 9339 for enquiry. Biz hrs: Mon-Sat: 11 – 9pm Sun & PH: 12 – 8pm.

Sex News in Asia - 11/28/11

2011-11-30T10:00:00.002+08:00

This article first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.

Singapore

Section of Evidence Act that can discredit sexual assault victim to be repealed.Gender equality organisation, AWARE made a submission to repeal section 157(d) of the Evidence Act, saying it made it possible to discredit an alleged sexual assault victim through her sexual history. Other reports are here and here.

AWARE, the only gender equality organisation in Singapore, has launched their Sexual Assault Befrienders Service. This is the speech by Executive director Corinna Lim’s speech at SABS launch. This is the speech given by Minister for Foreign Affairs and Law, Mr K Shanmugam.

20.11.2011 proved popular among couples picking a date to tie the knot.

SlutWalk comes to Singapore, Hong Kong, Bangalore and Mumbai

British singer-songwriter Elton John appeared with husband David Furnish and baby Zachary at the 20th World Orchid Conference in Singapore last weekend where he had an orchid named after him.

Commentary: Abercrombie & Fitch's shirtless greeters

Baey Yam Keng: Not just a question of the ad

Action plan against human trafficking. Second Minister for Home Affairs, S Iswaran explained that human trafficking is a threat to Singapore's security as well as its economic and social fabric.

'Lingerie' man jailed for indecent act in front of neighbours

Taxi driver jailed for indecent act on 14-year-old stepdaughter

Residents spot nude man in the neighbourhood

Men falling for online sex con

Banglesdesh

Child marriage in Bangladesh. 10 million girls worldwide married every year as children, according to the World Health Organisation.

Malaysia

There is no plan to impose a ban on Muslim women taking part in beauty pageants in Sarawak, said assistant minister in the Chief Minister's Department (Islamic Affairs) Datuk Daud Abdul Rahman.

14-year-old M’sian girl raped after skipping class

Man's naked body found with genitals cut off

Indonesia

Unemployed, uneducated and desperate, tens of thousands of children are vulnerable to sexual exploitation in Indonesia.

India

Malaysian-made sex stimulants rocking Kerala

China

Longer Maternity Leave in China Signals More Women’s Rights

20,000 hopeful, curious and in some cases desperate Chinese gathered for the world's largest dating event.

Chinese artist says he is under investigation for spreading pornography, after pictures including One Tiger Eight Breasts

China executes man for raping 14 schoolgirls

Nude 11-year-old PRC girl begging in the streets

The Kaohsiung District Court in Taiwan fined a woman and sentenced her to 18 months in jail for committing adultery with her brother-in-law

Korea

YG Entertainment's 'No Cosmetic Surgery' policy

View last’s week Sex News in Asia here.

Disclaimer: Some of these media reports may portray sex and sexuality in a negative light. I am merely re-reporting them and may not always agree with the reports or opinions expressed.

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexologist with American College of Sexologists with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Australia: It's time

2011-11-29T10:00:00.008+08:00

Same-sex marriage is not yet legal in Australia. Delegates at the ALP National Conference will be voting on whether to make it their policy to end marriage discrimination. An independent movement to build a progressive Australia and bring participation back into democracy has produced the below video.

This beautiful ad produced by GetUp! Australia has already reached more than 1,200,000 people -- but a national TV campaign this week would reach double that again, and really put the pressure on! The Advocate Magazine called it "possibly the most beautiful ad for marriage equality we've seen." Watch and share!

The organization is now raising funds to air an edited version of the ad on Australian TV. You can make a donation to the organization at this link: http://tiny.cc/gkuwp

A message from Carl Katter.

Find out more about the movement here.

You may also wish to check out the Facebook page of Gay Marriage Rights in Australia where the below was shared:

"As a 82 year old openly homosexual male, I can legally marry my female cousin, my niece, or my aunty in Australia, yet I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 46 years and I can not legally marry him. I will be marching on December 3rd as I do not want to die as a second class citizen. 43 years ago I and my partner were gaoled for having consensual sex and 43 years later we are still denied equal rights. I plead with you to gather at Sydney Hyde Park at 12pm, December 3rd with everyone you can bring. This must change!" - Clement Mornington

Media: Want anything?

2011-11-28T10:00:00.002+08:00

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

In this day and age, are we really suffering for want of… anything?

Long before budget airlines, it was a very big deal when people would travel to other countries. So much so that friends and family would go to great lengths to show up at the airport just to wish that person ‘bon voyage’. Often the departing person would be asked to seek out and bring back a particular spice, cosmetic, or other luxury item, because such items were either unavailable or exorbitantly priced in Singapore. This practice still exists, and I’ve had experience of it from every angle.

I often wonder, when hearing of such a transaction, whether the person delivering the goods is doing so willingly or reluctantly. Indeed, when would buying something in a foreign land for somebody you know be a privilege, an honour, or even a joy, as opposed to it being a mild irritation, slight inconvenience, or massive aggravation? I believe it boils down to the relationship you have with the person.

Many years ago, when a professional acquaintance of mine learned that I was going to the UK, she shamelessly asked me to meet her friend there who would in turn pass me clothes intended for her newborn child. It won’t be many things, she promised.

Yet, I found myself having to text this friend’s friend countless times, back and fro, having to sit down with her for tea to exchange pleasantries, and essentially wasting my time when I would rather be roaming the streets of London, enjoying the sights or getting immersed in the different , new (to me, at least) culture. I was dismayed to find that the clothes for her newborn turned out to include “Guess” jeans overalls, t-shirts, and even baby shoes. I also had to wait while the friend dashed into a Guess store and thrust yet another item into my hands – a gift for the baby, she cooed.

I had managed to squeeze everything I was to bring into one backpack so that I could travel lightly. Now, all these baby items effectively took up more than a quarter of my luggage space, even after wrapping them as tightly as I could. I wanted to cry. I had no space left to carry any souvenirs for myself!

Since then, I have not offered to buy or bring anything back for anyone unless I feel am utterly moved to. When friends ask if I want anything because they are going to x or y country, I usually tell them no. Truly, there is nothing I absolutely must have – I am not brand conscious and I certainly can obtain whatever I want myself.

When you travel, are you busy buying things for people you don’t even care for so as not to disappoint them, and checking off all the must-see places on your list, or are you actively seeking out what you really desire to do? Have you ever returned from a holiday feeling as though you need another one? Did you take the time to smell the roses? If your intention was to relax or rekindhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifle your romantic relationship, were you able to, or did you find yourself getting caught up with what the Joneses said you ought to? Check within yourself. Are you doing for the sake of doing? Or do you really, really want to? Pause. Breathe. Check within. This is a practice we should hone – for life.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Slow Sex with Nicole Daedone

2011-11-27T10:00:00.001+08:00

Nicole Daedone is the author of "Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm", and the founder of OneTaste , an urban retreat center offering live and online courses and coaching in orgasm, relationships, and desire. Here she sits down with three friends—Susan, Kelly & Kim—to ask the surprisingly difficult question, "So....What Do You Want?"

For more information, visit http://www.onetast.us.

Download Dec 2011 Calendar

2011-11-26T10:00:00.002+08:00

Download your FREE December 2011 calendar by Eros Coaching here!

You can see in one cool page all the events by Eros Coaching you should not miss out next month!

Check it out here!

Vaginismus on Discovery TLC

2011-11-25T10:00:00.000+08:00

Vaginismus is an involuntary contraction of muscles around the opening of the vagina in women with no abnormalities identified during examination. The tight muscle contraction makes sexual intercourse painful or impossible.

I have worked with many couples with unconsummated marriage over the last year. I use a combination of teaching exercises on helping the woman understand her body, relaxation exercises, to sexual education, as well as sexuality coaching. This is a couple and not individual issue. Read an article I wrote here.

There are three client testimonials here, here and here.

Sex News in Asia - 11/21/11

2011-11-24T10:00:00.002+08:00

This article first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.

Singapore

Kids without dads to get male role models. Dads For Life plans to build a stronger support system for single fathers and translating educational materials like brochures into Chinese, Malay and Tamil.

Straitlaced Singapore switches on to strippers

Gawking incidents - what can beach-goers do?

Gay portal Fridae moves to another domain

SlutWalk event: Police in touch with organisers. The full correspondence with the Singapore Police Force is here. Commentary on this on Yawning Bread is here.

Forum letter: Up Medisave limit for babies.

New Nation: Male porn star - Stud. Female porn star - Slut

Straits Times: More educated Chinese women seek foreign husbands including Singapore.

Public House: Marriage and children not for everyone. We have to accept that, as societies evolve, their choices, commitments, needs and lifestyle will also evolve.

Woman pleads guilty to having sex with father

On why Minister of State for Health Amy Khor who took over as head of the national policy committee for HIV and Aids should talk about sex

New strain of HIV found in Singapore

Malaysia

Police have opened a new case against Opposition Leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim for allegedly giving a false statement in connection with the sex video featuring a man resembling him.

Female students in Kelantan have been advised not to stay or play in flooded areas to avoid the repeat of cases of leeches which entered the private parts of girls and women in the state last year.

The Philippines

The war against trafficking being waged by the Visayan Forum Foundation

The number of HIV cases in the country has increased by 65 percent

Hong Kong

The Hong Kong Lesbian and Gay Film Festival kicks off with more than 30 full-length and short films to be screened over two weeks, and will feature more Asian content than in previous years.

Hong Kong Pride Parade: Too sexy or not enough?

2,000 attend HK Pride Parade

India

India's rising divorce rates.

Media: On Yahoo Singapore

2011-11-23T10:00:00.000+08:00

In case you missed it, this is the link to my interview "Straight talk with Singapore's sex doctor" with Yahoo Singapore.

Media: Sex - a job or a joy?

2011-11-22T10:00:00.001+08:00

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

Is sex a job or a joy to you? Sex means many things to different people, often depending on where they are emotionally, or even the time of their life. For some, it is a chore, a duty, an obligation, simply a way to keep the harmony in a relationship. For others, it may be a way to ensure food gets put on the table. Sex may even be viewed as a strategic decision to reduce the chances of the partner seeking sex elsewhere.

For other people, sex is pure bliss. To them, sex is their way of expressing themselves; a part of their way of life which is as natural as breathing. Through sex, there is the merging of two bodies; it is where two souls come together, the two hearts beating as one. Cliché as this description of enmeshment might sound, this intimate emotional connection is entirely possible and highly attainable with some conscious practice – and from there, the self-consciousness becomes less apparent, until it becomes subconscious.

What I would like to focus on, however, is the type of sex that is less joy, but more of an aggravation for some. There are many possible psychological reasons why one would not want sex – one might be tired, depressed, stressed from work, or any other kind of anxiety. Then there is also when one is literally experiencing a headache, when sex is uncomfortable, even painful, or when a woman is going through menstruation. There are those who do not want sex because they simply do not feel a need or desire for it. What happens when one has little or no interest in sex most of the time? What can one do? Here are five tips:

1. Get honest within. Are you giving lame excuses, or genuine reasons for not wanting sex? Is there any element of truth in it? Rather than just sweep things under the carpet, do a check-in with yourself. Be completely honest. What would make sex better for you? The difficulties you have in coping with stress, anxiety, challenges, should all be considered.

2. Quality vs quantity. A person with low sexual drive will also want to increase the frequency of sexual activity to appease his or her partner. Rather than focusing on the quantity, how about also exploring the quality of it? If sex was more pleasurable, would you want to do it more often? It is not quite chicken-and-egg. It can be something that can be pursued concurrently.

3. Examine the repercussions. Are you afraid of the cold shoulder you receive from your partner when you say no to sex? Have you found yourself “forcing” yourself to have sex? Or have you faked an orgasm just to get it over with? If there were no repercussions, if you were not afraid, what would you do differently? Explore that.

4. Communicate, communicate, communicate! You really need to be communicating with your partner about what support you need – be as specific as possible. Falling silent, changing the subject, or making faces to confuse your partner is only going to prevent any authentic communication, and become counter-productive. Sexual communication is still communication. With practice, it will become easier asking for what you want in the bedroom.

5. Get professional help. There is no need to be struggling like a lone warrior. There is no glory in pain. You may wish to consider engaging a clinical sexologist or sex therapist. Sexual counselling or coaching can only make a strong relationship even more solid.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Where She Wants To Be Touched

2011-11-21T10:00:00.000+08:00

AskMen interviews certified sexologist Dr. Christine Milrod to ask her a few in depth questions about sex. What are some places women like to be touched?

Dr. Christine Milrod is my schoolmate from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, United States

Love is Energy... Pass it forward!

2011-11-20T10:00:00.000+08:00

Just a nice catchy video on love.
What kind of energy are you radiating from within?
Have a great day!

Dec Workshops

2011-11-19T10:00:00.002+08:00

Eros Coaching is proud to offer three workshops in December!

Conscious Connecting workshop

Tues 6 Dec, 7:30 - 9:30p.m.

Do you have difficulty asking for what you want in bed? Do you have a desire to be a better lover for your partner? How exactly can you connect intimately with your partner. This clothes-on workshop explores the four different types of touch: Giving, Receiving, Absorbing, Allowing. Understanding and practising these distinctions will change the way you experience touch and shift your personal, and even professional life fundamentally. You are strongly encouraged to attend this workshop with your partner or friend. Singles welcomed. We will pair you up.

Fee: S$80 per person, $150 per couple

Goodbye 2011, Welcome 2012

Tues 13 Dec, 7:30 - 9:30p.m.

Time flies and it’s the tail-end of 2011 again. Let’s come together to reflect on the year that is about to finish, and prepare for 2012 by setting some personal and professional goals. This workshop aims to facilitate your inward-reflection as well as prepare you for 2012. You can expect to do some group sharing, thinking and journaling.

Fee: S$30 per person

Singing Bowl Jamming

Tues 20 Dec, 7:30 - 9:30p.m.

Singing bowls were traditionally used in Asia and the art of making sound with bronze bowls could go back 3,000 or more years to the bronze age. Today these bowls are enjoyed worldwide for meditation, music, relaxation, personal well-being. We will begin by learning to make sounds from our singing bowls before pairing up and using them to harmonise the chakras of your partner. We will finish with a beautiful singing bowl concert. Let’s enjoy making music together. Great for couples.

Fee: S$15 per person, $20 per couple

Venue for all sessions:

Wasabi Yoga - 54C South Bridge Road, Singapore 058685

Directions:

MRT Station: Clarke Quay or Raffles Place
Bus Numbers: 51, 63, 80, 124, 145, 166, 174, 174e, 197 (South Bridge Rd-boat quay stop)
2, 12, 33, 51, 54, 63, 80, 124, 145, 147, 166, 197 (New Bridge Rd & Eu Tong Sen St stop)

To RSVP, please email your name and mobile number to info@eroscoaching.com. Payment to be made before the workshop.

Media: Female readers ask about masturbation

2011-11-18T10:00:00.000+08:00

This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.

In a previous column Masturbation is Self Love, I tackled men’s most commonly asked questions about masturbation. Female readers wrote in with their questions, and my answers are below:

1. I’m married and am a mother to a nine-year-old. I discovered self-loving in my early thirties and have been secretly indulging in it pretty often. I do look at pornography and even use a sex toy to make it more exciting. But after the euphoria fades, my desperate actions make me feel more ashamed. I know that there is nothing wrong with it, but how much of a good thing is too much? I've tried to stop but always end up doing it again.

It is wonderful that you are able to express your sexuality through self-love. Masturbation is perfectly healthy and an important part of sexual health. A good thing only becomes too much when your behaviour turns compulsive (i.e. you cannot stop yourself and have difficulty in carrying out your daily routine). We certainly don’t worry about eating too much chocolate – our body knows when the indulgence is too much. Be aware of your body – watch for signs of soreness or sensitivity, and slow down if needed. I would explore the reasons why you are feeling ashamed after self-pleasuring and where the guilt stems from. I say, embrace and enjoy!

2. I'm thinking of buying a new sex toy and am pretty confused about all these different types and materials. Dildos, dongs, lay-ons, balls and beads. Phthalate-free, silicon, glass and stainless steel. Where do I start?

Indeed, there is a mind-boggling range of sex toys to navigate when it comes to deciding on your first sex toy. There are actually many sex toys designed for women on the market. Most women I have met do not want gigantic phallic-looking toys and actually find them intimidating. Instead, they prefer smaller vibrators that are discreet and beautifully-designed. You will want to consider your budget, the material, colour, design as well as functionality, including types of pulsation, ability to control the volume, or if it is waterproof. You can visit my website under “Reviews” to compare some of the sex toys I have previously reviewed.

3. I reach orgasm much easier during masturbation than during sex. Does masturbating make it more difficult for me to climax during sex?

Both men and women generally find it easier to attain orgasm during masturbation. This is because they touch themselves or use an object with the exact angle or pressure that brings them over the edge quickly. Also, they tend to be more relaxed when by themselves – experience less performance anxiety, or have no fear of hurting their partner’s feelings. Masturbation does not make it more difficult for you to climax during sex. The reverse is actually true – learning and knowing more about your body – including what type of touch you prefer – is going to help you orgasm more easily in all situations. Go ahead and communicate your preferences to your partner so sex can only get better!

4. During masturbation, I do things alone that I am not comfortable doing with my husband. The very act of doing something naughty or dirty just gives me such a high. Should I try to introduce some of it into our love-making or just keep private things private?

The fact that you are wondering whether you should introduce some of what is ‘naughty’ or ‘dirty’ to you in the bedroom is telling me that you should think about sharing at least some with your husband. They turn you on and your honesty in sharing something that has been in your mind for some time may well encourage him to share what turns him on as well. It is important to differentiate what we fantasize about with reality – and just because we think about something doesn’t mean we want them fulfilled. Being able to discuss your fantasies can help you decide if there are some, or none, of them which you would like to play out in real life with your husband.

5. I usually masturbate by rubbing on the top (or front) wall of my vagina with two fingers. I guess that’s my g-spot and I’ve read that the feeling of needing to urinate is natural and is a sign of high arousal. When I climax, I sometimes spray out a liquid. The funny thing is that it only sprays if I suddenly take out my fingers. It doesn’t happen if I keep on rubbing inside. Almost like my fingers inside are blocking it, waiting to explode when I pull out.

This liquid is more watery than my normal love juices but the amount is much more. So much, in fact, that it’s enough to rub over my breasts and vulva (I like it messy). The smell and taste is different from urine. Is this the fabled female ejaculation?

Yes. You may wish to read this previously published article on the female ejaculation here.

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.

Sex News in Asia - 11/15/11

2011-11-17T10:00:00.004+08:00

This article first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.

Asia

Thousands of couples across Asia swamped marriage registries and held mass weddings on Friday, believing that the quirk of the calendar makes 11/11/11 the most auspicious date in a century.

Singapore

Founder of fridae.com, Stuart Koe, steps down after 10 years, in controversial circumstances. Fridae has made supporting the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community across Asia. Stuart's blog entry is here.

SlutWalk Singapore and the Police. Police have nightmare about boobs. Another piece on Wall Street about SlutWalk is l: here: How will SlutWalk play in Singapore?

Singapore’s first male porn actor revealed! A commentary about him is here.

Do you really need to be asking me why Singaporeans are not having sex? 1 in 5 S’pore employees work more than eleven hours daily: survey

On underage sex and statutory rape in Singapore

Commentary: Would the real SPG please stand up? SPG stands for Sarong Party Girl

Foreign workers ogling at women but gawkers 'haven't broken the law'

Students plan ambush for pervert-stalker

S'porean women have height issues when finding dates. Lunch Actually's annual Regional Dating Survey indicated that out of 640 Singaporean respondents, 70 per cent of the women surveyed said they will not date a shorter man.

Teen, neighbour had sex with 13-year-old girl

Boyfriend proposes by renting taxi for a day, gets startup to help

Malaysia

Malacca Chief wants to amend Syariah law to prosecute gay men and lesbians despite existing laws, Pahang to follow

Police have recorded statements from 50 people over the past few days to facilitate investigations into the annual sexuality rights festival. Deputy Inspector-General of Police Datuk Seri Khalid Abu Bakar said more people would be called up. A total of 154 reports had been made against the annual Seksualiti Merdeka festival. He also added that people should not be ignorant and be more sensitive when it comes to issues involving religion. More here: Politics got in the way in the struggle of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) communities seeking to be heard. A forum letter is here.

No sign of sex services at massage centres in Kuala Lumpur

Doctored nude pictures of four teachers in raunchy scenes have sparked a furore in Malacca.

China

There's little sex education in China, but it hasn't stopped young people from having sex. The rates of premarital sex, unwed pregnancy and abortion are testament to that.

The bedroom has become the latest target in a campaign to make “happiness” keep up with unbridled economic growth in the southern Chinese province of Guangdong, with a senior local official pledging to improve the sex lives of singletons.

Chinese Couples Rush to the Altar on 11/11/11

Chinese Man Proposes to Girlfriend, Backed by Giant Dancing Carrots

Competition for Brides Fuels High China Savings

Korea

At least five gay men have reported being attacked by several men – although it's too early to know if it's the same attackers involved – last week in the South Korean capital city of Seoul.

India

"Wife-sharing" haunts Indian villages as girls decline

Media: Street Smart or Sex Smart?

2011-11-16T10:00:00.001+08:00

This article first appeared on the CozyCot website.

So, how did you select your secondary school after your PSLE (Primary School Leaving Examinations)? How did you decide what career to pursue? Before any major purchase, what would you do before making the final choice?

Of course, you must have conducted some form of research into all kinds of things – from the best places for luxury bargains, which degree to pursue, what career prospects exist, to which type of housing is affordable. This research might have taken the form of asking trusted friends, seeking advice from family members, or even surfing the internet, to help you make all sorts of decisions.

Now to my point – why don’t we take that care when it comes to sex and sexuality? What exactly do you know about sex and sexuality? Surely, this topic deserves some of your attention, considering how uninformed or bad decisions can be detrimental to your well-being? How about learning what you should know so you can at least go out and get the necessary information?

Many women believe that they know enough about sex and sexuality – why wouldn’t they? They’ve dated, they know what’s going on, they’re street smart and no-one will take advantage of them. They know how to look after themselves, right?

Sex and sexuality are two distinct terms, which are often thought, incorrectly, to have the same meaning. While sex is an activity usually involving sexual intercourse between two persons, sexuality is a much broader term. Sexuality education is a lifelong process of acquiring information and forming attitudes, beliefs, and values of one’s sexuality. It encompasses sexual development, sexual and reproductive health, interpersonal relationships, affection, intimacy, body image, and gender roles.

Contrary to popular belief, sexuality education, HIV (Human immunodeficiency virus) or STI (sexually transmitted infections) prevention, and adolescent sexual education programs do not encourage the early start of sexual intercourse, the frequency of intercourse, or even an increase in the number of sexual partners among the young. Instead, understanding sexuality can actually delay the onset of intercourse, reduce the frequency of intercourse, reduce the number of sexual partners, and increase condom or contraceptive use.

These are some things a sexually informed woman ought to know:

- Sexual development and reproduction – the physical and emotional changes associated with puberty and sexual reproduction, including fertilisation and conception.

- HIV/STI and safer sex practices – information on HIV/ STI and modes of transmission, how to prevent yourself and your loved ones from these infections as well as where to go for medical advice if you ever contracted these infections

- Contraception and birth control – what contraceptives are available, how they work, how people use them, how to decide what to use or not, and how they can be obtained.

- Relationships – what kinds of relationships there are, love and commitment, marriage and partnership, the importance of self-esteem and communication skills in a relationship and the law relating to sexual behaviours and relationships as well as the range of religious and cultural views on sex, sexuality, and sexual diversity.

Some good web resources include: Scarleteen , WebMD, and HPB Sexual Health

I’d like you to really think about it, and answer (to yourself), honestly: What do you really know about the topics above? Are you making good decisions about your sexual health? Are you well informed about all these issues? And, if not, what can you do about it? Can you be not just street smart, but sex smart as well?

Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counsellors and Therapists) as well as certified sexologist with American College of Sexologists with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit HERE.

Watch: Orgasm Inc. in Singapore!

2011-11-15T10:00:00.004+08:00

I am really pleased that Sinema is screening Orgasm Inc. Orgasm Inc. is a powerful look inside the medical industry and the marketing campaigns that are literally and figuratively reshaping our everyday lives around health, illness, desire - and that ultimate moment: orgasm. I blogged about this movie in May last year and am so glad it is finally here!

Sinema has invited me to run a special one-hour pre-movie talk before their Sat 10 Dec, 5:30p.m. screening. Enter the code ideas2action to receive a S$2 discount off the usual price of S$9 when making your payment online here.

So see you at Sat 10 Dec, 4 - 5p.m. for my FREE one-hour pre-movie talk! Register for it here. If you have questions, do email me here.