Eros Coaching is a sexuality and intimacy coaching company which believes in the innate solutions we each already hold in achieving and enjoying a fulfilling, healthy and pleasurable life.
Video description: Sometimes, all it takes is changing a few expectations and everyone can find their perfect year. This might be it! :)
Don't be caught up with what everybody else is doing. What would you rather be doing - really?
If you are a lady, you can attend my mini retreat for the soul here. Only two dates left in 2011! You may also wish to sign up early for my other 2011 workshops here.
What would you do if you were not afraid? What would you do if you knew you could not fail? Don't give up on life, and don't give up on yourself.
Ladies, to end the year and begin the new with a difference, sign up for my workshop 'With a Bang' here. You may also wish to sign up early for my other 2011 workshops here.
During my training to be a sexologist, I was confused by the differences between PE, DE, and ED. They are, namely, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation and erectile dysfunction or disorder, respectively. Later, I realised it was just as confusing for the men who have sexual concerns. Hopefully, this piece will give you an idea of the types of male sexual dysfunctions.
There are four main types of male sexual dysfunctions:
The most common type of ejaculation difficulty known is premature ejaculation (PE). It happens when a man’s ejaculation occurs rapidly, much faster than what is desired by the man or his partner. PE is also known as rapid ejaculation, rapid climax, premature climax, or early ejaculation (EE).
Delayed ejaculation (DE), also known as inhibited or retarded ejaculation, is when ejaculation is slow to occur. Then there is retrograde ejaculation which occurs when the semen from the prostate flows backwards into the bladder. This is common in males with diabetes who suffer from diabetic neuropathy (nerve damage). Ejaculatory insufficiency refers to insufficient semen volume, which may at times be a result of retrograde ejaculation.
Erectile dysfunction is a common men’s health problem characterized by the consistent inability to sustain an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse or the inability to achieve ejaculation, or both. This problem can be occasional as well as periodical. Any diseases that affect blood flow such as hypertension, high blood pressure can cause ED.
Who hasn’t heard of the blue pill, Viagra, which can aid ED? If anything, we have drug companies to thank for popularizing the term ED. And since the incidence of ED rises with age and human are living longer, we can expect more men to have this condition. Besides oral medication, treatment options include mechanical devices and behavioural training as well as couples coaching.
This happens when a man has a decrease in desire for sex, is uninterested in sex or is unresponsive to sexual stimuli. Possible causes include one’s physical, psychological, mental, or emotional state. Then there might be issues with his body image, intimacy or sexual performance. Or he could just be sexually ignorant about what being ‘horny’ means, such as when a person is sexually ‘shut down’ or unawakened. One should also rule out any kind of exhaustion, stress and/ or anxiety.
In an orgasmic disorder, the man may not be able to achieve an orgasm and reach climax during sex. These men are usually experiencing a psychological or mental health complication which may be situational or generalized to all sexual experiences. However it could also be due to decreased penile sensation and/ or other factors.
Whether the cause is physical or psychological, it is important to meet with a qualified physician to determine possible underlying medical issues. If the physical cause is ruled out, this is when you might seek support from a mental health specialist who specializes in sexual dysfunction.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.
Images in this slideshow meditation are from Hallie Austen Iglehart's book, 'The Heart of the Goddess: Art, Myth, and Meditations of the World Sacred Feminine'. The soundtrack is from Jennifer Berezan's CD, Returning. This video has had nearly 8,000 views, but because Hallie wanted a revision, the original viewing count was lost. www.heartgoddess.net
The trailer of the new Singaporean film ‘When Hainan Meets Teochew’ was enough to persuade me that I had to watch it. The movie was premised as a romantic comedy between a ‘manly’ woman, and a ‘womanly’ man, as opposed to the usual Hollywood cliché where a handsome man meets a pretty lady and they fall in love after some complications are overcome.
The synopsis read: “One day, a brassiere drops on Teochew. He immediately wins the lottery and decides to keep it. Hainan begins an arduous search for her precious underwear, distributing hundreds of missing posters around her neighbourhood. Teochew sees one of the posters, and his curiosity is piqued. Bumping into Hainan one day, he asks about the brassiere, although he has no intention of returning it. Unfortunately, he lets slip more than he should, and Hainan becomes suspicious…”
For those who are unaware, the Hainanese of Singapore are descendants of immigrants from Hainan, China’s southernmost island province. Teochews are descendants of those from the Chaozhou region of Guangdong, China. Hainanese men are reputed to make the best husbands, while Teochew girls supposedly make the prettiest wives. (I am Teochew but alas, I cannot speak the dialect well.)
As a sexologist, I am obviously interested in all media portrayals of gender roles and sexual orientation, especially in Asia. I went in wanting to like the film, but I had my doubts. Would the movie be contrived, further reinforce negative gender stereotypes and misconceptions, or be downright distasteful? Would the filmmaker, Han Yew Kwang, who also wrote the production, be able to pull off such an unlikely storyline?
Having watched it, I have to say that Han did so splendidly. Here are some reasons why:
1) The movie is entertaining. It elicited laughs even through its ‘cruder’ elements, such as the tussle by the main characters over a bra, as well as delivery of slapstick humour, mainly in the Mandarin language, with Hainanese, Teochew, Tamil and English thrown in. This approach is very welcome, as I imagine it would help alleviate the discomfort the Singaporean audience would be experiencing with the film’s controversial subject.
My western friends who were with me cringed at what they perceived as ‘overacting’. As a local, my opinion was different. The seemingly over-the-top acting are actually perceptive portrayals of how some local people do indeed behave in real life. Contrary to public perception, Asians can be extremely vocal when aggravated. In short, I was sold on the acting even though I found it hard explaining why to my friends.
2) Neither Lee Chau Min (Hainan-boy) nor Tan Hong Chye (Ms. Teochew) are professional actors. I liked that the leads were cast as strong individuals. I could perceive this because I had already worked with the male lead (Tan Hong Chye) many years ago. He was a costume designer for a theater production in which I was working backstage. Later, during the Q&A after the screening, the filmmaker, being friends with the two leads, shared that he had consulted with the actors during the scriptwriting and that essentially the three of them came up with the script. Hence, the actors were free to give authentic responses and more or less played themselves in the film – they’re neither more butch nor more effete than they are in everyday life.
3) The movie, probably for the first time in the lives of many members of the audience, makes them ask tough questions about what it means to be male or female. Is it determined by one’s behavior, looks, or simply their genitals? What is normal? The fact that the actors also ask questions along those same lines of one another and themselves only makes it more honest. That, in turn, allows us to feel free to ask those questions.
Actress Yeo Yann Yann plays Hainan’s ex-girlfriend. Her sudden appearance propels the narrative, leading Hainan and Teochew to confront their feelings for each other. Hainan and Yann Yann share a full-on lesbian kiss on screen in a flash-back scene. This raises more questions of the difference between one’s sexual orientation versus their sexual preference. Could Hainan have been in a lesbian relationship, yet also be romantically interested in Teochew who is a feminine-looking man? Does it really matter, anyway?
The question of what is ‘normal’ is further emphasized by the portrayal of Teochew’s Indian landlord. The landlord looks ‘normal’ by any standards externally but is engaged in a daily routine of talking to a children’s doll. In comparison, Teochew and Hainan are probably more well-adjusted persons.
Overall, ‘When Hainan Meets Teochew’ is a unique Singaporean movie that tackles some serious gender and sexuality issues in a light-hearted manner. It does not take itself too seriously and, as such, can actually be a wonderful sex education movie. Their Facebook page is here.
P.E.A.C.E. of Mind is a non-profit outreach that educates parents and children about prevention education in regard to child safety. Learn more about their organization at pomwa.org
The world we are in is beautiful. Open your eyes. Happy holidays once again!
Video Description: There's a world out there that will glow if we use the right ingredients ... A little holiday treat based on the story 'Glow World' by Brian Andreas - artist, writer & creator of StoryPeople.
Founder of Eros Coaching, Martha Lee is a sexuality and intimacy coach. She is compassionate, practical, honest, interactive and solution-focused. Martha incorporates a blend of conventional and alternative approaches and draws upon a variety of styles and techniques to support each client as they work to resolve both current problems and long-standing patterns.
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