Tuesday, August 31, 2010

You Don't Need Labiaplasty

More and more women are paying doctors to chop off their labias. Labiaplasty is a cosmetic surgery that removes or shortens the labia, the inner lips of the vulva. Self Serve Toys (www.selfservetoys.com) co-owners Matie and Molly, along with Sex Educator, Alee want you to know your vulva is beautiful just the way it is. They talk about what the labiaplasty surgeons aren't telling you.

Visit Self Serve's Blog
http://selfserved.blogspot.com/

Recommended Reading

Cunt Coloring Book, by Tee Corrine
Femalia by Joani Blank
Sex for One, by Betty Dodson
Fat! So? by Marilyn Wann
Eat Mangos Naked, by SARK
http://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/
www.trannymals.com
http://www.fatso.com/



Monday, August 30, 2010

Permanent Contraceptive Methods

How Does Vasectomy Prevent Pregnancy?

Vasectomy is a form of birth control for men that is meant to be permanent. During vasectomy, a health care provider closes or blocks the tubes that carry sperm. When the tubes are closed, sperm cannot leave a man's body and cause pregnancy.

For more, click here.



How Does Tubal Sterilization Prevent Pregnancy?

Sterilization is a form of birth control. One type of sterilization commonly referred to is tubal ligation. All sterilization procedures are meant to be permanent. Eggs are made in a woman's ovaries. One egg is released each month. It passes through one of the fallopian tubes toward the uterus. Sterilization blocks each tube. Pregnancy cannot happen if sperm cannot reach the egg.

For more, click here.



Sunday, August 29, 2010

Isabella Rossellini on Sex

Video description:
Isabella Rossellini is indeed a woman and a legend. Her life, as well as her career bear witness to all kinds of change and contradictions: supermodel, sex symbol and actress, but also feminist and avantgarde artist. Isabella Rossellini seems to have played all parts. To us she spoke about sex and its different orientations a topic that has accompanied her during her life. For more, click here.



Video description:
Associated Press - The Italian actress aims to educate viewers about animal reproduction while making them laugh in a series of short films called 'Green Porno.' (Sept. 24)



Saturday, August 28, 2010

Inspiring Women Part 3 of 3

Educator, activist and advocate, Melissa Kwee


Founder and President of 77th Street, Elim Chew



Banyan Tree Founder, Claire Chiang


Founder and President of H.O.M.E., Bridget Lew



Videos produced by Unifem Singapore.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Media: Why it is crucial to opt in

This letter appeared at Straits Times forum on Mon 23 Aug.
Why it is crucial to opt in

I REFER to Saturday's special report, 'Sex education: Too little, too late, and too vague?'

In recent weeks, there were media reports about more girls reaching puberty early - from the United States and Britain to Singapore. What this means is that our young ones are maturing faster physically even if they might not be mentally ready for sex.

Our world is more complex than before. Sex is romanticised and women are glamorised as sexual objects so much so that this is their reality. Social media like Facebook and YouTube have changed the way our youngsters make friends, date and learn. Who knows what lurks in the darkest corners of the Internet?

If information is power and knowledge is king, why are we as a society so fearful of providing accurate and factual sexual information to our young people?

We may want to protect our young ones by teaching them to postpone acting on their sexual feelings until they are adults. But, in reality, we might in fact be retarding their development, and affecting their ability to make sound, safe and independent decisions throughout their lives.

We have to be careful not to bombard our young ones with negative messages of sex - it may set them for a life in which they don't think about sexuality from a pleasure perspective at all. This can result in a lifelong inability to seek sexual satisfaction within intimate relationships.

Our young people need the skills to make safe and healthy decisions not only about sexual intercourse and contraceptive use, but also about communication, relationships, diversity and countless other issues that are related to sexuality.

I urge parents to let their children attend the Health Promotion Board's compulsory sexuality education programme.

They should think twice before they opt out:
* Are they able to provide the same accurate and factual sexuality education at home?
* Remember, the child is going to get the same information afterwards from their classmates - distorted no less.Hence, by opting out, parents may be doing more damage than good. They can still discuss what was taught in school as well as express their sexual views and values at home.

Dr Martha Lee
Clinical sexologist

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Media: S’poreans shedding clothes, and inhibitions

I was mentioned in Sunday Times, Singapore on Sunday 15 August 2010. The same appeared in The Star on Sunday, 22 Aug 2010.

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SINGAPORE: Seeing framed photographs of your hosts in various stages of undress is disconcerting, to say the least. But engineering manager Ronnie Choh is unabashed about hanging half-naked photos of himself and wife Jaslyn Lim in the apartment they share with his parents.

On show are six large nude colour photographs hanging in the living room hallway, study room and their bedroom, the last of which has a picture of Lim lying on top of Choh with her breasts exposed.

Lim, 33, was initially reluctant to have the photos hung up. She felt embarrassed for her parents-in-law Choh Yew Wah, 58, a taxi driver, and Lilian Ng, 52, a housewife, as their friends and family would visit and see the pictures.

But after receiving many positive comments about how the photos were in good taste, she says: “I’ve grown to think of them as pieces of art.”

The couple, who got hitched two years ago, opted for the revealing shots rather than traditional wedding photos.
Happy family: When Choh and Lim (with their daughter Reena and Choh’s parents) got married, they opted to have nude photos of themselves taken instead of the traditional wedding pictures, which they then hung in different parts of their home.

Choh, 32, says: “We are young and confident about our bodies. We wanted something different.”

His parents are comfortable with the sexy photographs.

Ng says: “I treat these pictures as art and take it that this is a trend among the new generation.”

The Chohs are not the only ones unabashed about dropping their clothes for a photo shoot.

Young Singaporeans are becoming more open about having nude photographs taken of themselves to mark special occasions such as weddings and birthdays.

Indeed, this newspaper found more than five studio photographers catering to this demand.

Photographer Edmund Leong, 30, who runs his own studio Edmund Leong Photography in Geylang, expanded his services five years ago to include nude photography after receiving numerous requests from clients.

His first such customer was a woman who wanted beauty shots of her in the nude.

Word of his service spread on forums and he shot close to 20 photo sessions last year compared with six in 2005.

Such snaps cost from S$300 (RM694) for a CD of soft copy pictures to five-figure sums for elaborate albums.

Kelvin Lim, a photographer running Portraits studio in Old Upper Thomsom Road, says he gets more requests from women to do nude shoots than men.

At least 70% of his clients are Singaporeans.

Although demand is still “tentative”, he notes that it is much stronger than when he first started five years ago.

Referring to celebrity couple Melody Chen and Randall Tan’s semi-nude wedding photographs three years ago, he says he saw a spike in requests after that period.

“We’re more open about expressing ourselves sexually and we’re more comfortable with our bodies,” he says.

So why are normally conservative Singaporeans shedding inhibitions, and clothes?

Assoc Prof Paulin Straughan, deputy head of sociology at the National University of Singapore, blames the influence of pop culture that has led to a “liberalisation in our attitudes to issues relating to sex”.

She adds: “When we are so obsessed with an ideal body type, it is inevitable that once we have that, we would want to flaunt it.”

However, Her World magazine deputy editor Denyse Yeo points out that while trends such as bare mid-riffs, shorts and mini-skirts have been around since the 1980s and 1990s, the difference today is that “women in skimpy attire these days aren’t afraid to wear these to clubs everywhere, regardless of whether it’s appropriate”.

Such liberalisation of ideals is a natural progression of society, explains NUS sociologist Prof Chua Beng Huat.

While a person may be open about flaunting their bodies, it should not be assumed that they are equally open about their sexual attitudes, he also notes.

Certainly, there appears to be a new generation of Singaporeans who are unabashed about dressing sexily and even filming bedroom antics.

Things turned raunchy very publicly in 2006 with the infamous Tammy sex video in which a 17-year-old Nanyang Polytechnic student filmed herself and her boyfriend having sex on her camera phone.

In 2008, pictures posted on the private blog of a Singapore woman in her 20s showing her semi-nude and having sex with a partner in public were leaked online.

The latest incident was in February this year, involving a four-minute sex video of a former Singaporean air stewardess and part-time actress and her partner that was circulated on the web.

Sex experts say Singaporeans have also become more adventurous about learning techniques to enhance their sex lives.

According to Ian Ong, owner of Mr & Mrs Smith, an upscale sex boutique in Bukit Timah, its workshops teaching people how to please their partners in the bedroom are always fully booked.

He says: “People are exploring sex today. We are beginning to appreciate sex as being recreational and not just for procreation.”

The same is true for Dr Martha Lee, a certified sexologist who teaches clients how to enjoy sex and improve their sexual techniques.

She sees up to three clients a day by appointment and says they range from couples to friends who come to learn together – and even mother-daughter pairs.


Sex shop chain S.E.X. In The City is also seeing a boom in sales of novelty items such as sex toys and aids popular with male and female executives in their late 20s.

Owner Jan Toh, who runs four outlets, says items were slow to sell when she started her business in 2002.

Now, her customers, especially the women, “know what they want and are not shy to tell you”, she says with a laugh.

Some areas are still no-go, though. In the world of media and advertising, it is hard to find Asian models willing to pose in bikinis or lingerie, much less go nude for a magazine photo shoot.

Upfront Models director Watson Tan says Asians are less willing to strip because they do not see modelling as a long-term career.

But he admits: “I do find it strange that the models are willing to go out in a skimpy top, sometimes without a bra, but are not willing to go nude for their professional work.”

Undergraduate Nicole Tan, 20, is not a model but speaks for many of her generation when she says that while she may be open to wearing a bikini in public, that does not mean she is willing to pose for the camera.

She says: “I may be open but I still have a conservative side to me.”

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Media: Don’t try. Be.

This article first appeared on The Online Citizen.

When I was in my third semester studying for my Doctorate in Human Sexuality, I went to the Florida Sex Therapy Institute to complete a Certificate in Sex Therapy. Dr Susan Lee, my teacher, introduced me to her clients I bumped into and her counterparts as ‘Dr Lee’.

My first reaction was “Wait a minute! I am not a Doctor yet!” I felt like a fraud.

I pondered about why Susan would choose to introduce me as a fellow Doctor. Whilst it was true that nobody in Florida knew me, she, of all people, would know the importance of using the correct terms of reference and titles, and not misrepresent.

I had an epiphany there and then. I was one trimester from getting my doctorate. I was there to learn more from her. What separated me from being a doctorate holder besides a piece of paper, which I would undoubtedly be receiving in a few more months? Yet, I did not feel any closer to owning my identity of being a clinical sexologist.

By referring to me as ‘Dr Lee’ and conferring with me on client cases as she would a fellow doctor, she was, in reality, proactively and directly putting me on a path to embrace and own my new role as a sexologist.

From that day onwards, instead of ‘trying’ to be or thinking ‘I will be’, I found myself reacting and asking questions as though ‘I already was’. The shift was tremendous. There was no more dogging. I was more present, sharper and asking better questions.

I shared this personal story because, periodically, during the course of our lives, we will find ourselves at a crossroads:

From being an intern to a qualified professional;

From being a student to being a teacher/ coach/ mentor;

From being single to being in love, or subsequently, engaged;

From being engaged to married;

From being with child to being parents.

In such situations, try it on for size. Do the shoes fit? Does it feel right to you? Can you see yourself going ahead, liking it, even excelling at it? Walk, breathe, live in those shoes and you will find the metamorphosis already happening.

Do not ‘try’. You will never get there because you are ‘trying’. Instead ‘Be’. Embrace your role, identity, portion in life.

I tell the singles, instead of waiting for Prince Charming or Princess Jasmine, already be this person deserving of love, happiness and joy. Behave as if you have found this love. When you radiate, you attract.

Now I casually but intentionally mention to couples who have sexual concerns and want kids, “When you becomes parents…”. Not ‘if’. When.

Somebody has to hold them in that space which they want to move into. It is much easier when there is somebody who believes and trusts that, whatever the process may be, it will be done. Get the support you need and ‘Be’.

———-

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Most Common Contraception Methods

According to my knowledge, these are the most common contraception methods in Singapore.

What Are Abstinence and Outercourse?

You may have heard people talk about abstinence in different ways. Some people think of abstinence as not having vaginal intercourse. They may enjoy other kinds of sex play that don't lead to pregnancy. This is better described as outercourse.

For more, click here.



The Pull Out Method (Withdrawal)

A man who uses withdrawal will pull his penis out of the vagina before ejaculation — the moment when semen spurts out of his penis. Withdrawal is also known as the pull out method. Withdrawal may be the world's oldest way to practice birth control. About 35 million couples worldwide rely on withdrawal.



Condoms

Condoms prevent pregnancy by collecting pre-cum and semen when a man ejaculates. This keeps sperm from entering the vagina. Pregnancy cannot happen if sperm cannot join with an egg. By covering the penis and keeping semen out of the vagina, anus, or mouth, condoms also reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections.

For more, click here.



Monday, August 23, 2010

Book Review: Stand by Her

'Stand by Her: A Breast Cancer Guide for Men' is a book by one brave man for other men who are witnessing their loved one fighting breast cancer and how to support them. These men can be their husbands, fathers, sons, brothers, friends, and coworkers.

Written by John Anderson who has helped his mother, wife, sister and a close friend in their battle against breast cancer, this book is personal and as real as it gets. Each section is a stage in that journey, with its own unique color that symbolizes the feelings these men are facing and will face. It does not try to be everything to everyone and is not filled with technical, scientific or medical terms. It is human. This book is undoubtedly a useful resource for the men out there who are coming out of shock or denial and wanted to know what they can be doing.

As a woman, I encourage all men to be real and get support for themselves.

As a sexologist, I was disappointed it did not cover anything about how cancer impacted sexuality and what tips the author had for men.

As a daughter to a mother who has stage 4 breast cancer, I support more conversations about our breasts and breast cancer. Let it start with me.

The website for 'Stand by Her' is here. The Facebook page is here.





Sunday, August 22, 2010

Media: Getting feedback after sex (Part 1 of 2)

This piece first appeared on The Online Citizen.

In previous pieces, I have covered how sex is not a one-way experience (in ‘Don’t Lie Back and Think of England’), as well as how sex can be like an elephant in the bedroom when it comes to communicating any problems that might be occurring. This week, I would like to suggest ways in which we can get feedback from our partner after a sexual experience. And when I say sexual experience, I am not limiting it to just penetrative sex.

Open-Ended Questions

You can begin asking your partner what the sexual experience was like:

“Sweetheart, how was it for you?” or “How was it just now?”

If feedback is restricted to one-word answers or not forthcoming, you can elaborate by saying: “Ok… You know, I would really like to hear what you like about it and what would make it better. Could you share more with me?”

An open-ended question allows for your partner to communicate as little or as much as desired.

Breaking the questions down might be easier:

“How was it?”

“What was good about it?”

“What would make it better?”

Remember if you ask, be emotionally and mentally prepared for the answer – whatever it may be. If you appear defensive or react negatively, you are effectively being counter-productive and shutting out your partner at a critical time.

All of us will do well to bear this in mind: Don’t take it personally. There is no right or wrong answer. We are different physically on a day-by day basis – depending on our fitness level, what is going on in our lives, and how it affects our mood. What doesn’t feel right or good on one day could well feel quite different on another day. The feedback you receive is not a judgment of your character, or sexual prowess. There is always room for improvement and a large part of it comes from understanding your partner, from their likes and dislikes; turn on and offs; as well as needs, wants and desires – and it probably has very little to do with you.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Constant, open and authentic communication will bring you closer.

Closed-Ended Questions

All of us would have inadvertently said something to hurt someone. Hence, when you try to get sexual feedback from your partner, their own fears of hurting you will come into play. They are not just worried of potentially hurting you, but also have a disbelief that you are genuinely willing and open to hear from them. It will take a while before your partner will begin to talk more openly about their sexual experiences.

If you have limited success with open-ended questions, don’t give up. This is where you move onto closed-ended questions such as:

“Did you notice when I did…..?” (Yes or No)

“Did you like it when I did it?” (If your partner does not remember, you could imitate what you did previously.)

“Was your orgasm the same, less or more intense than the last time?” (There is only one answer.)


This is where you can encourage further dialogue by reverting to a few open-ended questions:

“That’s interesting. Could you tell me more?”

“Really? Why (gently) do you think that is so?”

If your partner asks you why you have recently begun asking so many questions after sex, you could reply:

“I really want to learn more about you, what works and what would make it better… and I think one of the ways to do so is talking about it. I really want to know because I care about you.”

Or:

“I want us to be able to talk about sex and our sexual experiences. This is how one way we can learn more about each other. Is it okay?”

This is not an interrogation. There is no point pushing it if your partner is clearly uncomfortable talking about sex. Try again the next time, and the next. What you want to do is begin to open more dialogue about sex, and stopping that dialogue when your partner wishes to do so is a part of it. You will notice that with each attempt to discuss your sexual experiences, it will become easier. It takes time and it is well worth it to go slow.

————

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Inspiring Women Part 2 of 3

Executive Secretary of the Economic and Social Commission for Asia and the Pacific, Noeleen Heyzer


Media personality and advocate, Nadya Hutagalung


Project Manager of Cambodia Community of Women Living with HIV/AIDS, Mony Pen


Videos produced by Unifem Singapore.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Teen Dating Abuse




Teen Dating Abuse Survivors
Everyone has a right to a safe and healthy relationship. Unfortunately, one in three teenagers is a victim of abuse, from being yelled at or put down to being physically assaulted. The safe space is a project sponsored by Break the Cycle.




Friends Don't Let Friends Be Abused



Teen Dating Bill of Rights and Pledge

I have the right:
1.To always be treated with respect.
2.In a respectful relationship, you should be treated as an equal.
3.To be in a healthy relationship.
4.A healthy relationship is not controlling, manipulative, or jealous.
5.A healthy relationship involves honesty, trust, and communication.
6.To not be hurt physically or emotionally.
7.You should feel safe in your relationship at all times. Abuse is never deserved and is never your fault. Conflicts should be resolved in a peaceful and rational way.
8.To refuse sex or affection at anytime.
9.A healthy relationship involves making consensual sexual decisions. You have the right to not have sex.
Even if you have had sex before, you have the right to refuse sex for any reason.
10.To have friends and activities apart from my boyfriend or girlfriend.
11.Spending time by yourself, with male or female friends, or with family is normal and healthy.
12.To end a relationship.
13.You should not be harassed, threatened, or made to feel guilty for ending an unhealthy or healthy
relationship. You have the right to end a relationship for any reason you choose.

I pledge to:
Always treat my boyfriend or girlfriend with respect.
Never hurt my boyfriend or girlfriend physically, verbally, or emotionally.
Respect my girlfriend's or boyfriend's decisions concerning sex and affection.
Not be controlling or manipulative in my relationship.
Accept responsibility for myself and my actions.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

No is No in Any Language

In a collective call to action, UNIFEM Goodwill Ambassador and Say NO - UNiTE Spokesperson Nicole Kidman joins others to say no is no in any language when putting an end to violence against women. This public service announcement is brought to you by Say NO - UNiTE to End Violence against Women (www.saynotoviolence.org). Publisher: UNIFEM; Year of Release: 2009.



He might say you caused it. You might think you deserved it.
He has a choice. He always does.
You have a choice. You always do.
Violence is never right. Never.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Poem: One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.....

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in..

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what

makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give.



HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,


IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.


Author Unknown



Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Juliet Anderson's Masturbation Memoir

Juliet Anderson — born Juliet Carr — has always loved sex. When patriarchal medicine took away her womb, she developed an erotic yoga practice that eroticized her whole body. She developed a sexual healing technique called "Tender Loving Touch," which produces orgasms and little orga-bumps in the skin.

Juliet offers an explicit demonstration of her special way of masturbating in the House O'Chicks class at The New School of Erotic Touch. Juliet passed on January 10, 2010 at the age of 72. She was an erotic force in the world—both a sexual healer and sex object.



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Find out what the hottest sex toys are today at Good Vibrations. These products have been proven to be the most popular with Good Vibes customers over the past few months.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Birth of Baby

Truly beautiful video showing Vaginal Childbirth





Sunday, August 15, 2010

Slug sex

How do slugs make love?

Rare footage of two slugs mating from a nature documentary.



Saturday, August 14, 2010

Every Girl is Beautiful

Every Girl Is Beautiful / Self-Esteem PSA Video.

Ad about young girls and new self-esteem fund. Producer: Dove.



a Dove film - Girl's self-esteem

This short film shows the way a girl's self-esteem can be influenced by friends and parents.



Friday, August 13, 2010

Orgasm Science

Sexologist Dr. Stuart Bloch presents the possibilities of orgasm, graphically demonstrating the male and female multi-orgasmic path. Informed by the work of decades of sexologist from Masters and Johnson to contemporary sexologists such as Dr. Annie Sprinkle and Dr. Joseph Kramer, Dr. Bloch invites you to explore your own orgasmic potential.

From Annie Sprinkle's Amazing World of Orgasm Collection. Visit The New School of Erotic Touch for more explicit information about orgasm and fulfilling your sexual potential.



Thursday, August 12, 2010

Quotes from Thich Nhat Hanh

Thích Nhất Hạnh; born October 11, 1926 in central Vietnam) is an expatriate Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, teacher, author, poet and peace activist. Some of his quotes are below:

~ "To be loved means to be recognized as existing."

~ "When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you are not there?"

~ "Mindfulness helps you go home to the present. And every time you go there and recognize a condition of happiness that you have, happiness comes."

~ "Life is available only in the present. That is why we should walk in such a way that every step can bring us to the here and the now."

For more, click here.



Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Inspiring Women Part 1 of 3

Pioneer surgeon, Dr. Susan Lim


Author and human rights advocate, Somaly Mam



Midwife, Robin Lim



Videos produced by Unifem Singapore.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Trailer of Petals

About the impact of the vulva on our culture throughout history, and in contemporary society. www.petalsthejourney.com



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Find out what the hottest sex toys are today at Good Vibrations. These products have been proven to be the most popular with Good Vibes customers over the past few months.

Monday, August 9, 2010

What is Pleasure?

Sex educator Isa Magdalena speaks of pleasure as dance between the experiences of excitement and enjoyment. She is a teacher of professional Sexological Bodyworkers in California and Switzerland.

She is featured in the Joseph Kramer and Annie Sprinkle DVD Fire in the Valley--Female Genital Massage. For more, visit here.



Sunday, August 8, 2010

Slim Hopes: Advertising & the Obsession With Thinness

Video description:
Jean Kilbourne's award-winning video offers an in-depth analysis of how female bodies are depicted in advertising images and the devastating effects of those images on women's health. Addressing the relationship between these images and the obsession of girls and women with dieting and thinness, Slim Hopes offers a new way to think about life-threatening eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia, and a well-documented critical perspective on the social impact of advertising.

Slim Hopes is a lively and engaging program suitable for a wide range of audiences at high schools, colleges and universities. Using over 150 ads, it informs as it entertains, allowing viewers to build an analytic framework for considering the impact of advertising on women's health.



To purchase the video, you can do so here.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Taoist Erotic Massage - Ben Haggard

Sixteen Years of Practicing Taoist Erotic Massage by Ben Haggard, Certified Sexological Bodyworker



Transcript:
"Ever since I learned Taoist Erotic Massage (TEM) sixteen years ago, I've been a man with a mission. Prior to that I was trained as a massage therapist, and I learned not only the strengths of massage therapy but also some of its prejudices and weaknesses. I have come to believe that one of the most profound weaknesses in the way massage is conventionally taught is the taboo against including erotic touch in the massage. This taboo is so widespread and so strong that is hardly questioned within conventional massage modalities. However, I believe this taboo is actually harmful and runs counter to the deepest and most central principles of massage therapy.

Massage therapists are trained to teach their clients that the body is beautiful, that the body is sensuous, that the body can be honored and healed through touch, and they are encouraged to communicate this with regard to every part of the client's body except the genitals and the anus. These, in contrast to the rest of the client's body, must never be touched. I believe that this ban on touching actually conveys its own message. What is being conveyed to thousands of clients, in thousands of massage sessions all over this country, is in fact a very deep wounding to the body, as masseur after masseur refuses to touch the body's most profoundly intimate and tender places - the genitals and the anus.

This repeated refusal to touch communicates a sense that these parts of the body are somehow "unclean", "untouchable", not worthy of being honored in the same sensuous way as the rest of the body. This is, in itself, a deep wounding to the body. Furthermore, for people in our culture these are also the parts of the body that carry our deepest, most profoundly rooted shame. They are also the places around which many of us carry wounds of abuse. Many of us have experienced some kind of abuse, either as children or with adult sex partners. So when masseurs refuse to touch and honor these parts of our bodies, they not only ignore opportunities for deep healing, but they actually reinforce our underlying feelings of shame and our memories of abuse.

I therefore believe that touching and honoring the entire body, and integrating erotic, genital and anal touch within massage is critically important to actually carry through the core mission of the whole massage movement. I think that when massage schools in this country ignore this, or actually speak out against it, they offer a grave disservice to the massage profession, to individual clients, and to human healing itself."

Educate your hands and heart at The New School of Erotic Touch.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Smile - You're a Woman

A smile is a wonderful thing. Yet it appears that a smile can have more connotations than what is usually appreciated (on the surface) in our society.

At the age of eleven, I was taught this poem when I joined the Brownies (a school uniform group similar to the Girl Scouts):

“A smile is a quite funny thing, as it wrinkles up your face;
And if it’s gone, you cannot find its secret hiding place.
But far more wonderful it is, to see what smiles can do:
you smile at one, he smiles at you; and so one smile makes two!”


Being a ‘good’ Brownie recruit, I took the poem to heart. However, this is what I unknowingly interpreted: I should greet people cheerfully; carry out my duties readily with a smile; and appear happy even if I am not, because, I want him to smile back!

Those two Brownie years aside, for most of my years growing up, I was told that I “don’t smile often enough”. I often wondered what was wrong with me. Why can’t I smile more? And on deeper reflection, I began to ask myself, “Why can’t I be allowed to smile only when I feel like it?”

Last week, I read an entry posted on Dodson and Carlin’s blog. In it, the author, who called herself ‘LilithLand’, related how she was with her female friend minding their own business when a group of people, including a guy, sat down next to them. He turned to her and commanded that she ‘smile’.

She looked him dead in the eye and said, “I’m not standoffish; I’m just a real bitch.”

Good for her.

The blog post reminded me of a recent experience. It was one of the many times when somebody, usually a man, asks me for a smile.

I was catching up with two male friends when, out of the blue, one of them remarked, “How come I never see you smile?”

Looking at the smiling picture on my name card, he continued, “You look much better when you smile.”

Doesn’t everyone? I ignored him.

He persisted, “Why don’t you smile now?”

Why should I? I am no clown, no performer and certainly not trying to impress him.

I fumbled a reply, “I smile when I am in the mood to.”

Somebody I know recently lamented how her husband complained about her sour face or ‘bitter gourd face’ (if you translate literally from the Chinese language). She has good reason not to smile. Her husband has repeatedly accused her of infidelity, and is physically and verbally abusive. She is miserable, depressed, and in reality, even suicidal. But, still, she is expected to smile.

Smiling makes the clouds go away, the sun come out, and everything all right.

Smiling makes us more attractive to the man.

Smiling means we are ‘good’ girls.

Smiling on command means we listen to you.

Smiling means we want you.

I am struck by how it seems to be a universal thing – from the U.S.A. to Singapore – women are expected or asked to smile!

Don’t get me wrong. I am not against smiling. I am against smiling when its purpose is only to make the people across from you feel better about themselves.

The next time somebody asks me to smile, I have half a mind to reply, “How about you give me a bow then? Or pull out my chair for me? Or open the door? Isn’t that what men do for women?”

Possibly, I should say, “I will smile for my sake, not yours.”

Or answer, “I shall, jolly well, smile when I want to.”

In reality, I will probably say “I smile when I am in the mood to.”

It is amazing how many people are being sexist, downright rude, or playing ‘psychological games’, without even realising.

The next time you want to ask for a smile, think again. Are you asking for a smile because you are uncomfortable or trying to make yourself feel better? And, if you are being asked to smile, know you have the right to say no.

———–

Dodson and Carlin’s blog entry

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Masturbation + Meditation = Medabation

Artist and sex educator Annie Sprinkle talks about her practice of combining meditation with masturbation. She calls the practice: "Medabation". See her demonstrate the practice here.

Annie Sprinkle, PhD, is on the faculty of The New School of Erotic Touch. You are invited to take an online class with her or check out her DVDs which include: Amazing World of Orgasm, How to be a Sex Goddess, Fire in the Valley--Female Genital Massage.



Find out what the hottest sex toys are today at Good Vibrations. These products have been proven to be the most popular with Good Vibes customers over the past few months.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Ode to...

Ode to the Penis by Dr Debby Herbenick

Oh penis, how I love you so much
You’re good to look at and even better to touch.
Hard or soft, you always feel right
Whether we meet once in the morning or twice at night.
For the rest, click here...

Ode to the Hand Job by Dr Debby Herbenick

There’s something about a handy
That’s really quite dandy
Is it the chance to grip?
Or that you don’t have to lick?
For the rest, click here...

Part of both poems produced above with permission by Dr Debby Herbenick

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Product Review: R-1 Feel Mont Blanc by Rends


Mont Blanc in a sex toy? Now there is one!

Japanese manufacturer Rends has come up just the sex toy vibrator for ladies and called it ‘R-1 Feel Mont Blanc’. This vibrator aims at stimulating the clitoris giving the women the most ultimate masturbation pleasure.

How? The result of many years of studies researching the best clitoral stimulator, Rends realised that most ladies will twist her wrist to increase the excitement of masturbation. With such concept, Rends invented a clitoral stimulator for ladies, which combines rotation and vibration motions at the same time. This product is designed with special mechanism that separates the vibrating and rotating parts. Hence R-1 Feel Mont Blanc has built in tentacles protruding from the head part drives gives more intensity to the pleasure, something which other vibrators could not achieve.

Using the Rends R-1 controller, you will get as many as 50 different vibration sensations. This will cater to the preference of the lady who prefers a low speed and gentle sensation to the high speed and slightly rougher sensation. Or even better, a mixture of both, making the Rends Feel Mont Blanc a lady's best masturbator.

What happened: To be honest, I did not like the way R-1 looked as a toy. It is a grey body and black where the attachments are. However I was told that this was extremely popular in Japanese, and effective in helping women achieve orgasms. Having worked in a Japanese company in a past career, I knew that R-1 must have gone through thorough development and vigorous testing. I had to experience R-1 for myself.

I attached R1 Feel Mont Blanc to its controller. Usually sold separately, however it is included as part of a set by sex shop U4Ria. This controller looks very much like the iPod, just without the screen. After installing the three AA batteries required to operate, I followed the visual manual which showed clearly which button was for what function. I was surprised by how easily I was able to get a hang of the controls – from adjusting the speed to changing vibration sensation. If you press on the middle button, it gives an ‘all systems go’ vibration – probably just what any lady needs to push herself over the edge to complete bliss.



When I actually applied the R-1 Feel Mont Blanc’s head on my clitoris, it was intense! I had to reduce the speed right away. R-1 is one powerful and interesting toy! I experimented with some other pulsations, and realise quickly that one cannot get bored of R-1. The possibilities seem endless and it should please even the most discerning lady. The excitement was certain for me! This one is a keeper. I can't wait to whip it out again. I definitely recommend this toy to any lady who has difficulties achieving consistent orgasms.

To use: Insert the R-1 attachment connector into R-1 controller socket at the top of the controller. Power pilot lamp turns from blinking to light which means the connection is completed. And when the attachment is to be changed to other new attachment, R-1 controller needs to retrieve the IC chip data of the new attachment. Therefore the power switch always has to be rebooted every time you change the new attachment.

Specifications:

* Full Length 130m
* Diameter Tip 25mm/ Foundation Part 32mm
* Weight 115g
* Cord Length 900mm
* 360 Rotational motion
* 50 different vibration and rotating modes offer great alternation

For more, click here.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Scent of Passion

My piece entitled 'Scent of Passion' appeared in the June/ July issue of Today's Parent. Click image to view the article.







Sunday, August 1, 2010

Product Review: Play O by Durex

‘Play O’ by Durex is not a contraceptive, lubricant, or massage gel. It is a premium orgasm-enhancing gel created by women, for women. That’s right. You read that correctly. This can help women attain an orgasm, or, in all likelihood, experience a more intense one!

As a sex educator committed to encouraging greater awareness, understanding and knowledge about one’s sexuality, I, at great personal sacrifice, tested it for you.

To use: You or your partner can squeeze a small bead of Play O onto your finger, and gently massage it into your clitoris. And, of course, wherever else may turn you on. Play O is safe to use with all Durex condoms.

What happened: I applied Play O on the back on the palm first. It felt cool and gave off a mint-y scent. The only way to really tell is to try it! I next applied it to my clitoris. Almost immediately, I could feel my clitoris responding to the gel. Because the clitoris is infinitely more sensitive than the back of one’s palm, the sensation was more intense. It felt cool, and began to build. I could feel as if blood was being encouraged to flow into the region. Did I feel more aroused? Yes, it was hard not to! I noticed that the tingling sensation on my clitoris subsided after about fifteen minutes, but long enough to perform its magic during any lovemaking session, I am sure!

As for the back of my palm, the generous bead of Play O I had applied there had dried up and been absorbed. It didn’t smell anymore and didn’t leave any sticky residue. I would definitely recommend Play O as an easily-accessible and affordable orgasm-enhancing gel for women. In fact, I do not see why it cannot be applied on the frenulum – the most sensitive part of the head of a man’s penis – as well.



More about Play O
Play O is an unscented, condom-safe gel that comes in a small, beautifully designed bottle. Looking like any facial care bottle, you wouldn’t be embarrassed displaying it on your dresser or side table. This little bottle goes a very long way. It has been created and tested by women for women, using a unique combination of ingredients designed to stimulate, increase desire, and bring you the most intense orgasms you’ve ever experienced.

According to the instructional booklet in the box, there is no danger of using too much. You can always apply more. Remember, we are all different and our bodies will respond differently. So, even though I felt only tingles and cooling sensations, others may experience warming stimulus. The booklet said the sensations can last up to ten minutes. Simply wash gently to remove. Play O can be used before or during sex, or on its own. It will not stain your clothes or linens.

How it really works
Our Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey (SWGS) showed that Play O gel heightened sensitivity for 68% of women. 40% said our gel made it easier to orgasm and, wait for this, 79% of women achieved orgasm by using it.

Retail price: S$29 for 15ml pack. You can get Play O at Watsons and Guardian.