Media: Sex Heroes

This article first appeared on The Online Citizen.

A few weeks ago, while watching ‘Robin Hood’ starring Russell Crowe, I found myself cringing at the predictability of the plot. I am usually not so squeamish about my buttons being so obviously pushed. However, I walked away from the experience with a few observations about the preparation of heroes that I’d like to share with you.

Good guy Robin Longstride (Crowe) is an archer fighting under King Richard the Lionhearted during what would be Richard’s final Crusade. Robin is falsely accused of disloyalty but escapes after Richard is killed. Upon finding the dead king’s crown, Robin returns it to London, where Richard’s brother, John, takes over. Unbeknownst to John, his new right-hand man Sir Godfrey, an English knight with French lineage and allegiance, is in cahoots with the French.

The film climaxes with an invasion on England’s south coast by the French. Robin slays Godfrey with a well-placed arrow from long distance. The English are victorious in the ensuing battle, during which King John perceives the French surrendering to Robin, rather than to himself, as a major threat to his power. In the final scenes, King John declares Robin to be an outlaw. In response to this, Robin moves to Sherwood Forest, with his love interest Lady Marion of Loxley and his friends in tow, to form what will become the celebrated Merry Men of myth and legend.

Here is the typical good guy vs. bad guy; underdog vs. person of power; hero vs. villain – not to mention fair maiden thrown in for good measure.

I asked myself: Why is it that the hero of the movie somehow always manages, in the midst of great chaos no less, to be at the right place at the right time, to make the critical difference – namely kill off the villain?

In action movies, this good guy has some heroic quality – kind, honest, integrity – in addition to being either stronger and tougher, or smarter even if not bigger in build. However, he would definitely have received more training, and therefore, he is more skilful and more prepared for whatever may come. Hence, it is only natural that this person would be more likely to be able to watch for the signs and indeed, be at the right place at the right time.

In order to have a good, if not fantastic, sex life, there are things we can do to make sure we are at optimum shape. All these things mummy or doctor said is true: watch your diet; exercise regularly, drink less, stop smoking; and take time to pamper yourself. The saying “Take care of yourself and the rest will follow” certainly rings true.

We can not only prepare ourselves physically but also acquire skills for sex. This training can come for instance, in the form of reading sex education books; attending sexual technique workshops; going for related communication, coaching or counselling sessions.

You are the Sex Hero of your life.

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Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robin_Hood_%282010_film%29

———-

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.

Body Image Project: Real life stories (3 of 5)

The Body Image Project: Jasmine Dunn

A real story that involve the loss of life due to extreme efforts to meet the existing standards of beauty, including excessive dieting and plastic surgery. Learn more about the Body Image Project here.



The Body Image Project: Amy Brasseur

A real story about realizing consciousness doesn't have to be self-consciousness. Its ok to acknowledge things we feel good about.



The Body Image Project: Vanessa Cloke

A real story about the daily struggle of buying into the standard and desiring peace in the same moment. For more stories visit www.bodyimageproject.com.

Media: Review of Fabulous Fellatio Workshop

This is a piece titled 'The Beauty of Sex' which appeared in the June/ July issue of L Officiel. My workshop 'Fabulous Fellatio' is reviewed.

For a testimonial, click here. For workshop details, click here.

Double click image to read.

Male Libido Lost

Stuart Shipko, MD (psychiatrist) presents recent findings on the effects of antidepressants on sexual behavior.

"Sexual side effects occurring in response to taking antidepressant medications are more common than previously reported and may not always resolve once the medication has been discontinued. Informed consent regarding the use of these medications is most effectively accomplished when all professionals responsible for a patients care are educated about these side effects and work collaboratively to educate patients, thus increasing their ability to make an informed choice. The frequency with which the medications are prescribed, the evidence that sexual side effects have been underestimated, and the deleterious effects that such medication side effects may have on treatment and patient functioning make it imperative that psychologists educate themselves in order to best help those whom they serve. This entails a necessary expansion of psychologists knowledge base and scope of practice. Current efforts at informed consent are most likely inadequate, particularly for the treatment of children and adolescents, and leave a void that psychologists, given our often more frequent contact with patients, are particularly suited to fill."1



Reference:

1 Bahrick, Audrey S., Harris, Mark M., Sexual Side Effects of Antidepressant Medications: An Informed Consent Accountability Gap. J Contemp Psychotherapy. 2008

Media: The Senior Still Sexual Male Prevails

I contributed 'The Senior Still Sexual Male Prevails' towards the April/ May issue of Silver Lining. Double click image to read.

Eve Ensler: Happiness in Body and Soul

Eve Ensler, creator of "The Vagina Monologues," shares how a discussion about menopause with her friends led to talking about all sorts of sexual acts onstage, waging a global campaign to end violence toward women and finding her own happiness.

Eve Ensler created the ground-breaking Vagina Monologues, whose success propelled her to found V-Day -- a movement to end violence against women and girls everywhere.

Men's Health Singapore Online

I am an Advisory Board member for Men’s Health Singapore. Below lists the online articles which I have been quoted in:

You Can Love Her Long Time

Places To Go For The Perfect Date

Renew Your Relationship

Kissing - The Sex Tip You Can Try Outside The Bedroom

How Hot Will Your Date Be In Bed?

Is She Having An Orgasm Or Just Faking?

Get Her Excited Again

The Newly-Single Guy's Guide To Dating Again

Licking Her Ears And 5 Other Mistakes You Make During Sex

Perform Better Than Her Sex Toy

How Much Should You Confess?

The Right Time For Romance

Media: Heterosexuals, Come on out

I am a contributor towards The Online Citizen. This article first appeared here.

You might have come across the term ‘Coming out’. What does it mean?

It is a figure of speech used by the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community in disclosing their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. Also referred to as ‘Coming out of the closet’, the beginning of this process is acceptance of oneself. Following this, openness may occur with family, friends, co-workers, the community in which one lives, etc. This is a life-long process. One can ‘come out’ similarly or in a different manner to various individuals or groups at different times.

If you are a heterosexual, ‘coming out’ might like seem like an alien concept. Below is a tongue-in-cheek questionnaire developed by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D., in 1977, designed to illustrate the implicit heterosexism in these same questions asked of lesbians and gays.

Heterosexism is the belief that everyone is, or should be, heterosexual. It is the belief that rights and privileges should only go to heterosexuals and that any other sexual or romantic orientation either doesn’t exist and/or is inferior to heterosexuality. Gays and lesbians experience these questions in the same way a heterosexual would.

Questions for Heterosexuals
developed by Martin Rochlin, Ph.D., 1977

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?

4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. Isn’t it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?

6. Heterosexuals have histories of failures in gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality out of fear of rejection?

7. If you’ve never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you wouldn’t prefer that?

8. If heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?

9. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

10. Your heterosexuality doesn’t offend me as long as you don’t try to force it on me. Why do you people feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation?

11. If you choose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face?

12. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you really consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?

13. Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can’t you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

14. How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusive heterosexual object choice and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, natural, healthy, God-given homosexual potential?

15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to narrowly restricted, stereotyped sex-roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?

16. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

17. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

18. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual, considering the menace of overpopulation?

19. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with which you might be able to change if you really want to. Have you considered aversion therapy?

20. Do heterosexuals hate and/ or distrust others of their own sex? Is that what makes them heterosexual?

If somebody you know is coming out to you, be neutral, non-judgmental and compassionate. We are all taught, from our youth onwards, to treat everyone with respect and this applies regardless of one’s sexual orientation or gender identity.

————–

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coming_out

————–

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.

Body Image Project: Real life stories (2 of 5)

The Body Image Project: Dianna Mattson

A real story about defining the best you and living in that space.



The Body Image Project: Kenisha Miller

A real story about the stress of trying to attain an ideal body, and thoughts on finding a balance between health and appearance.



The Body Image Project: Danielle Paciera

A real story about making peace with your body instead of searching for perfection by focusing on gratitude. and learn more about the Body Image Project at www.bodyimageproject.com.

HK NGO Publishes LGBT Corporate Guide

Community Business, a Hong Kong-based NGO, in conjunction with Goldman Sachs and IBM, has come up with a valuable resource guide that contains best practices for LGBT inclusive workplaces in the region.

The LGBT guide outlines five reasons why businesses would benefit from more accepting work environments:

1) improved productivity and performance
2) a higher caliber of job applicants
3) increased employee retention
4) an improved public image
5) a competitive advantage over companies with unaccepting workplaces

Check out the full Resource Guide here. Thanks to Gay Persons of Color.

Same-sex Acts Criminalised in 76 Countries

According to a recently updated report report on state-sponsored homophobia from the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA), "consensual sexual acts between persons of the same sex in private over the age of consent" are criminal in the following 76 countries:

Afghanistan, Algeria, Angola, Antigua and Barbuda, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belize, Bhutan, Botswana, Brunei, Burundi, Cameroon, Comoros, Dominica, Egypt, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Gambia, Ghana, Grenada, Guinea, Guyana, Iran, Jamaica, Kenya, Kiribati, Kuwait, Lebanon, Lesotho, Liberia, Libya, Malawi, Malaysia, Maldives, Mauritania, Mauritius, Morocco, Mozambique, Myanmar, Namibia, Nauru, Nigeria, Oman, Pakistan, Palau, Papua New Guinea, Qatar, St. Kitts and Nevis, St. Lucia, St. Vincent and the Grenadines, Samoa, Sao Tome and Principe, Saudi Arabia, Senegal, Seychelles, Sierra Leone, Singapore, Solomon Islands, Somalia, Sri Lanka, Sudan, Swaziland, Syria, Tanzania, Togo, Tonga, Trinidad and Tobago, Tunisia, Turkmenistan, Tuvalu, Uganda, United Arab Emirates, Uzbekistan, Yemen, Zambia and Zimbabwe.

Gay sex is also illegal in the Cook Islands, the Gaza Strip in Palestine, and Northern Cyprus.

Reposted from Gay Persons of Color.

US Changes Passport Rules for Trans People

American trans men and women will be able to get their new gender recognised on their passports without having to undergo gender reassignment surgery. Previously, the department would only allow applicants to change their passport gender if they had undergone complete gender surgery.

The change takes effect immediately and gives those who have "undergone appropriate clinical treatment for gender transition" the opportunity to declare their new gender on passports.

Fantastic! I am all for the recognition of those know in their heart of hearts that they are in the wrong person and already transitioning. For more, click here.

Two Abortions by 13

June 07, 2009 — Talking Point looked into whether sex education will help reduce teen abortion. A teen had abortion twice when she was 13 said it is best to avoid sexual relationships.

Fabricating Beauty - BodyTalk

BodyTalk aims to help young people build positive self-esteem by understanding and dealing with feelings about physical appearance, in particular weight and shape.

Gender Studies: Gender Roles Reversed

How would the world be if the genders were reversed? This is a tongue in cheek video.

Body Image Project: Real life stories (1 of 5)

The Body Image Project: Chanelle

A real story about the battle between attachment and letting go in order to find peace today, RIGHT NOW. For more, visit here.



The Body Image Project: Brenna

A real story about the conflict that arises when trying to discern where body image peace is found and trying to be ok with the way things are.



The Body Image Project: Frances

A real story about making the connection between health and the appreciation of your body.

Media: Sex is learned

This article first appeared on The Online Citizen.

Sex is a learned act. That’s right: l-e-a-r-n-e-d.

I remember contributing an article to an online portal a few months back. I had written the sentence: “For most people, sex is a learned act.” When the portal owner’s edits come back, she had written: “Don’t you mean, ‘For most people, sex is a natural act’?”.

My immediate response was territorial: ‘Who is the sexologist here? Are you saying I am wrong? What are you trying to imply here?’

When I calmed down sufficiently, I had to acknowledge that the portal owner wrote what she did because she truly thought she was right. She suspected that I had made a genuine mistake and was only trying to be helpful. I decided to store this story at the back of my head until a more opportune time to share my views arrived.

If sex was supposed to be natural, easy and effortless between two persons in love, how would it explain the couples who seek my support, unsure of how to consummate their marriage? Are they any less in love?

If sex was natural, why do people still have fears, anxieties, concerns and questions about sex?

If sex was natural, why are there people who do not like, do not want, or do not desire sex?

Are these people (gasp!) unnatural beings?

Case in point, one of the most comfortable sexual positions for a woman is when she lifts both her legs in the air and spreads her legs wide apart as her partner mounts her. This is known as the missionary position. For the longest time, I felt like, and I swear looked like, a frog. If sex is supposed to be natural, it most certainly didn’t feel like it. And it didn’t become ‘natural’ for a while.

Didn’t it occur to the above-mentioned portal owner that what she feels is natural sexually is also learned?

The first people we learn about sexuality from are our parents, from the answer to our question, ‘Where did I come from’? As we enter school, our sexual information might increasingly come from our classmates. When we reach adolescence, other sources of information may include the media such as the Internet, movies, books and maybe whatever online porn you could get a hold of (even though you are not supposed to). If you were lucky, you might have received some sexual education in school – never mind the quality or depth of it.

Like much of everything we know, we acquire the knowledge, practice through trial and error, and perfect it so that it becomes a skill which we ‘own’. Hence, the word: ‘sexual skill’. Sex is a skill. Sex involves sexual techniques.

One can certainly buy sexual educational books in shrink-wrap plastic from Borders. Or attend one of my four sexual technique workshops.

Yes, my friend, sex is not a natural act. It is learned.

—————

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.

Quote from Osho

"You see a flower in bloom– have you ever considered that the blossoming of a flower is an act of passion, a sexual act? What is happening as the flower blossoms? The butterflies will sit on it and carry its pollen, its sperm, to another flower.

A peacock dances in full glory– a poet will sing songs to it, your saints will also be filled with joy at the sight of it. But aren’t they aware that the dance is an overt expression of passion, that it is primarily a sexual act? The peacock is dancing to seduce its beloved. The peacock is beckoning to his beloved, his spouse. The bird is singing, the peacock is dancing, the boy has become an adolescent, the girl has grown into a beautiful woman– these are all expressions of sexual energy.

These are all different manifestations of sexual energy. All life, all expression, all flowering is basically sex energy. And it is against this sex energy that religions and cultur es are pouring poison into the minds of human beings. They are trying to engage human beings in a fight against it. They have entangled people in this battle against their own basic energy, so they have become wretched, pathetic, devoid of love, false, nobodies.

One has not to fight with sex, but to create a friendship with it, and elevate the stream of life to the heights."

Find What You Love

Drawing from some of the most pivotal points in his life, Steve Jobs, chief executive officer and co-founder of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, urged graduates to pursue their dreams and see the opportunities in life's setbacks -- including death itself -- at the university's 114th Commencement on June 12, 2005.

Transcript of Steve Jobs' address:
http://news-service.stanford.edu/news...

Stanford University channel on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/stanford

'Harry Potter' Star Supports 'Trevor Project'

Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe has become the new face of The Trevor Project. He filmed a public service announcement for the organization, which focuses on suicide prevention efforts among gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered teens on Feb 26.

Established in 1998 to coincide with the HBO airing of the award winning short film, Trevor, hosted by Ellen DeGeneres, The Trevor Helpline is the only nationwide, around-the-clock crisis and suicide prevention helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth in United States. Their trained counselors listen and understand without judgment.

The Trevor Project was presented with the Crisis Center Excellence Award from the American Association of Suicidology (AAS) at the 43rd Annual AAS Conference in Orlando on 22 April.

On why Daniel became their face


Daniel’s public announcement


I cannot help but wonder when Singapore will have a similar service.

Beautiful Agony

Beautiful Agony is dedicated to the beauty of human orgasm. This may be the most erotic thing you have ever seen, yet the only nudity it contains is from the neck up. That's where people are truly naked.

The videos were made in private by the contributor (and sometimes their partner). We don't know what they're doing, or how they are doing it, we just know it's real and it's sexy as hell. Make your ears blush by putting on your headphones and turning the sound to eleven.

Yes, there are free samples. Look for the ones with the red borders and the text underneath that says 'free sample'.

New agony comes five times per week (at least).

They all have sound. Free preview here.

The Fringe Benefits of Failure

JK Rowling's inspiring commencement speech at Harvard University in 2008.

For the transcript, click here.

J.K. Rowling Speaks at Harvard Commencement from Harvard Magazine on Vimeo.

The Body Image Project - How Do you Feel About Your Body?

So the question is, and just be as straight up as possible, how do you feel about your body?

Love hate probably.... I'm comfortable with it, a little...What's there really to show off?... I'm supposed to hate it.

Look at you. The REAL you.

The Body Image Project is a movement to reframe body image and enable everyone, everywhere, to discover and celebrate the real you. become mindful about how you perceive your body. Join the Body Image Project!

Jessica's Positive Affirmations

You are never too young to say positive affirmations.

Standing on her bathroom sink countertop 4-year-old Jessica pumps her fists looking in the mirror shouting: "My whole house is great. I can do anything good. I like my school. I like anything. I like my dad. I like my cousins. I like my aunts. I like my Allisons. I like my moms. I like my sisters. ... I like my hair. I like my haircuts. I like my pajamas. I like my stuff. I like my room. I like my whole house. My whole house is great. I can do anything good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can do anything good, better than anyone!"

Even though the adorable clip was posted last June, it's just recently hit Facebook and apparently just skyrocketed from 1,000 views to over 650,000 last week. The video currently has over 2 million views.

I absolutely love this video, and especially the way Jessica runs out of the toilet ready to start her day!



Jessica's almost a teenager now and she chats about her recent rise to internet celebrity, her friends' and family's reaction to the clip and what she's up to now that she's all-grown-up. Source here.

Cover for Butt Crack

Love wearing low-rise jeans but don't like people staring at your butt crack?

Now you can jazzle your crack with a new product - the "Backtacular" is a denim adhesive patch that women are supposed to wear over their buttock cleft.

I kid you not.

For US$14.99, you get two patches -- and each sparkly design comes with two replacement adhesive tapes, according to the website Kimberlily Online.

Somehow I cannot convince myself that parents will running off to get covers for their kids.

Video: Momisms

Anita Renfroe sums up all the things that a mother says to her children in a three-minute song called "Momisms" set to the William Tell Overture. This is the official version by Anita Renfroe.

It is so good because it is all too true. We all have our own issues with our parents. Watching a video like this only bring back those growing up memories, and make healing possible - where necessary.



Anita Renfroe (born 1962) is an American Christian comedian from Atlanta, Georgia, the wife of a Baptist pastor and the mother of three children. Purchase full DVD at www.AnitaRenfroe.com. Video and audio available on iTunes.

Vulva Apparel

Fellow sexologist, Dr. Debby Herbenick has found not one but two vulva representations in clothes in the last few weeks.

A skirt and a bikini.

There will undoubtedly be those who might find such apparel offensive. However as a clinical sexologist who works regularly with men and women who have sexual inhibitions which stems from body image issues including of their private parts, I can only see the positivity from celebrating the beauty of our bodies.

Video: All the Wrinkled Ladies

Anita Renfroe feels that Beyonce may have left out a category of women who need some recognition and sends out this parody to women of a certain age who aren't afraid to shake it like a Polaroid pick-cha.

When will we get it through our heads that there is nothing wrong with us? We may not look like models but we can definitely celebrate life, shake it, and laugh at ourselves from time to time. I absolutely love it!



Anita Renfroe (born 1962) is an American Christian comedian from Atlanta, Georgia, the wife of a Baptist pastor and the mother of three children. She became a sensation after her comic rendition of everything that a mother would typically say to her children in the course of a day, set to the William Tell Overture and entitled Momisms, was posted on YouTube.

According to Christian Book, "Anita Renfroe has the spiritual gift of saying what most women think but are afraid to say out loud."

Her website is here.

'The Lazarus Effect' Film from (RED) & HBO

The Lazarus Effect film by (RED), HBO and Anonymous Content is a 30 minute documentary directed by Lance Bangs and executive produced by Spike Jonze. The film follows the story of four people who were at deaths door and were brought back to life thanks to access to treatment. Please watch and share the film. You can find it on HBO or at YouTube.com/Joinred. #lazaruseffect.

The thriller is here:



The entire film which runs for 31 minutes is here:



For more, visit Join(Red).

Imagine a Woman

Good News from Imagine a Woman International: June 1, 2010

This year the Imagine a Woman poem is celebrating its 15th year anniversary with a new website and new programs and opportunities for personal growth and professional enhancement.

You're invited to the Launch of the IAW Coach Certification Program, today June 1. Make your professional dreams come true by joining the “Imagine a Woman” Team as a certified Facilitator-Coach. Circle the Globe with IAW and launch, grow, and enhance your woman-empowering coaching business, ministry, therapy practice, agency, or ministry. IAW provides a READY-MADE, READY-TO-GO “Imagine a Woman” NICHE for you at www.imagineAwoman.com.

Eros Coaching June newsletter

The June newsletter is out.

Click here for the June one.

Don't miss future issues. Subscribe now here.

Testimonials - Sexual Technique Workshops

"Improving the sex skills and techniques adds pleasure experience to the routine sex life. When things are well between two people, their 'account' grows with regular love 'deposits'." - Anonymous

"Suck up the embarrassment. This will be one of the best investments you will ever make. Dump the personal trainer - and take on Martha instead." - Anonymous

"After attending Martha's workshop I got more confidence on myself. It's a nice environment, with few participants and easy to open up and ask questions. Even though my boyfriend said; "you don't need it" I think we both noticed that you can always learn new things and get better at what you do ;-)" - Anonymous

"Just wanted to give you an update my 'progress'. My boyfriend thinks i'm amazing in bed, hahaha. He really loves my blowjobs, and i've incorporate parts of the massage video into a handjob. Let's just say he's very satisfied :-) Thanks for the skills! It really helped in my confidence 'cos i was quite green at the whole thing. If you have other interesting courses, do keep me in the loop. Wanna make sure he continues to be surprised and a happy man." - Anonymous


For more about the workshops, click here.