Celebrating Touch

Online Penis Massage Course with Martha and Deej

Intensive four week online program

How would you like to learn practical aspects of male sexuality from the comfort of your home? Develop skills to give or receive more pleasure? Would you like to learn ejaculatory control or help your partner be a better lover?

This intensive four week online learning experience is suitable for all men and women open to celebrating touch. Each week, there are readings, online videos and home assignments to complete. Over the 4 weeks you will learn new erotic skills that will literally make you more sensational, and learn to give a Taoist Erotic Massage.

Certified Sexological Bodyworkers Deej and Martha have come together to provide this unique online learning opportunity, with the option of face-to-face private coaching in Australia or Singapore.

Click here for the YouTube video!

When: 5 July to 1 August 2010

Fee: S$480. This fee includes one hour of individual coaching at the end of the program in Australia (with Deej) or Singapore (with Martha).

To register/ enquire: Please contact info@eroscoaching.com.

About Dr. Martha Lee

Founder of Eros Coaching, Dr. Martha Lee is a Clinical Sexologist who does sexuality and intimacy coaching and is based in Singapore. Dr. Lee has a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, San Francisco, Certificates in Counselling, Coaching, Sex Therapy as well is a Certified Sexological Bodyworker and Master Hypnotherapist. She is compassionate, practical, honest, interactive and solution-focused. Dr. Lee incorporates a blend of conventional and alternative approaches and draws upon a variety of styles and techniques to support each client as they work to resolve both current problems and long-standing patterns.

http://www.eroscoaching.com

About Deej (Daryn Juventin)

Deej works as a sex and intimacy coach, teaching people to be more connected to their bodies, and their partners, so they can have more pleasure and passion in their lives, and have better sex. He has a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Sociology from Victoria University of Wellington, and a Graduate Diploma of Counselling from the Australian College of Applied Psychology in Sydney. He trained as a Sacred Intimate with the Body Electric School, at Wildwood in California, and as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker at the Institute for Advanced Studies of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. He holds the New Zealand National Certificate in Adult Education and Training, and Kahuna Massage Level 5 from Mette’s Institute of Bodywork and Personal Development. He runs practices in Brisbane and Byron Bay.

http://www.sexcoaching.com.au/

Product Review: bCute Classic by B Swish

B Swish’s bCute Classic is waterproof silicone multi-speed massager that is shaped like a miniature rocket. Made of medical grade silicon, you can enjoy its silky touch in the bath or at any other time you please. The soft, plush exterior is augmented by variable speed control, making it great for external clitoral stimulation, but good for penetration play as well!


Embracing values like ‘Chic’ and ‘Hip’, the manufacturer B Swish produces sleek designs and interesting colours, bringing pop culture to the world of the taboo and style to erotic pleasure. B Swish accessories and toys have different personalities that can satisfy any whim or mood.

Indeed, doing research for this review, I realised I already owned a chilli red bnaughty in my existing collection. It was purchased from the Good Vibrations boutique in San Francisco while I was pursuing my studies. Even then, with limited financial resources, I could not resist one of B Swish’s products! Unlike bcute, my bnaughty was a portable vibrating waterproof bullet shaped like a miniature egg. However, bnaughty was made from the same medical grade silicon (which I adore) as the royal purple bcute I am currently reviewing. And, being a kinesthetic person, the feel of a toy has everything to do with how much I like and use it.

Packaged with a drawstring bag for discreet storage, the B Swish bcute is a really gorgeous little darling for you to take anywhere you want! To use, just pop in one AAA battery, twist the base to turn on the vibration to a suitable intensity—and you’re good to go! In terms of vibration intensity, I have to admit that bcute was a tad ‘low’ for me. However, I can see how it would be an amazing starter vibe especially for folks who want something small, discreet, and stylish—be it for a weekend getaway, or even a quick fumble at lunch! This is a lovely quality-designer toy for those that like the finer things in life. Bcute is a lovely and affordable introduction for those who are new to sex toys, and a present you could do no wrong with!

Product Detail:
100% Waterproof
Texture: Smooth
Discreet and very quiet
Easy to use controls.
Length: 4 inch (10cm)
Insertable Length: 3 inch
Girth Diameter: 1 inch (2cm)
Circumference: 3 inch
Net Weight: 4.8 oz/0.3 lb
Powered by: 1 AA Battery
Material: Medical Grade Silicone
Colours: Petal Pink, Rose, and Royal Purple

Sisters to bCute Classic are:

Bcute Curve


Bcute Pearl

To purchase, visit U4Ria. U4Ria @ #02-11A Midpoint Orchard (behind bus-stop, opp. 313 @ Somerset / MRT) t: 6738 7198 / 9832 7981. Biz hrs: Mon-Sat: 11 – 9pm Sun & PH: 12 – 8pm. Mention ‘Eros Coaching’ to get a slight discount.

Product Review: 'Better than Chocolate' by Nomi Tang

Nomi Tang ‘Better than Chocolate’ Multi-Function Vibrator

‘Better than Chocolate’ is the first of Nomi Tang’s line of sensual consumer products with adult toys. The first word that came to my mind when I saw ‘Better than Chocolate’ was ‘Adventure’. This attributes to its shape – that of the computer mouse – and the infinite opportunities for learning and countless possibilities in opening up one’s horizons with that mouse.

I was eager to get onto the information highway and experience it! U4Ria, who is the sole distributor of ‘Better than Chocolate’, explained the functionalities to me, but I was frankly too excited and impatient to listen. How hard would it be? I am a genius, or so I thought.


Look and Purpose
Velvety to the touch, ‘Better than chocolate’ is made from skin-friendly materials used in many medical applications. It is made from thermoplastic elastomer and polycarbonate. There was no smell, and the toy reportedly doesn’t have any taste either.

This vibrator is intended for external stimulation and exploration of your intimate zones. The ergonomic shape fits perfectly in the hand and against the clitoral, labial and nipple areas, as well as cupping the entire vulva and massaging it with deep vibrations that rumble and throb inside the entire toy. Yummy!

I did not find out until writing this review that the product has been honoured with the Red Dot Design Award 2010 in recognition of its contributions to the fields of graphic and product design. Red Dot Design is one of the best known Design Awards worldwide and features the cream of the crop in contemporary design. Impressive!

False Start
When I brought it home, I was disappointed to find that I couldn’t figure out how to put in the batteries. Even though I didn’t ‘get’ how to use immediately, I was not going to give up. After all, I am a sexologist, and it was my job to figure it out so I could report about it and help other people. Turns out that it is not hard at all to load the batteries, you just twist the end with the battery cap and pop in two AAA batteries. I feel sheepish in admitting that I could have (but did not) referred to the manual.
Adventure!
The way ‘Better than Chocolate’ moulded into my palm told me I was in for a ride! The on/off button is also located on this end, on the battery cap. It’s a flush press button and a single press turns the vibrator on, another turns it off.

I used the smoothly angled tip for pinpoint clitoral stimulation. And it felt just right! This must be what masturbating at the angle of a table might feel like, but this toy was softer and vibrating at will. At the top of the toy is there is the touch sensor control bar which acts a lot like the scroll button in a better-grade computer mouse. I figured out quickly how stroking up or down (simple glide of your finger) on the touch sensor control bar increases or decreases the vibrations. I am in control and I am the surfer!

Functions/ Performance
Pressing on the light-up Red ‘NT’ logo will give you a range of pulses. To switch from continuous, steady vibration to different patterns of vibration, you simply press and hold your finger on the Red ‘NT’ logo for two seconds.

The vibrator then starts another pulsation pattern that can, again, be adjusted in strength by gliding your finger over the touch sensor control pad. Hold the logo for another two seconds and you will get another pattern. The glowing light will show you which vibrating function you are using by lighting up in synchronisation!

When you find a vibration level you like – either steady or one of the patterns – you can hold your finger for two seconds and lock your desire level and pattern by simply pressing over the opposite side of the touch sensor control pad and it will lock your desire level and pattern. To unlock it, you just press and hold the same area for two seconds.

The little light on the ‘NT’ logo is blue when the touch pad is unlocked and red when the touch pad is locked.

It takes a bit more practice in getting used to than other sex toys but it is well worth the investment of your time getting to know her well. There is no doubt that ‘Better than Chocolate’ is a high quality toy that is precise in pleasuring a woman in exactly the way she wants. I highly recommend it. Ask U4Ria’s friendly shop assistant for an orientation and you won’t be having any false starts like I did.

Features:
- An ergonomic shape, operates ultra-quietly.
- Storable in an elegant white velvet drawstring pouch
- Presented in a beautiful and discreet gift box packaging
- Made of high quality material: Thermoplast Elastomer
- Innovative touch Slider
- Requires 2 AAA batteries
- Waterproof up to a depth of 1 meter
- Overall length: 110mm (4.25" long); Width at widest point: 62mm (2.5" wide)
- Weight: 0.5 lbs
- Colours: Navy Blue or Plum
Volume: 2; Intensity: 3

Care and Maintenance:

The product guide that comes with the ‘Better than Chocolate’ suggests washing it with soap and warm water. After use, just store it in its plush, white velvet drawstring bag.

Warranty: This product has a warranty of one year from the date of purchase.

To read more about Nomi Tang, please check out:
Nomi Tang official site
Nomi Tang's blog
U4Ria Product Page

To purchase, visit U4Ria. U4Ria @ #02-11A Midpoint Orchard (behind bus-stop, opp. 313 @ Somerset / MRT) t: 6738 7198 / 9832 7981. Biz hrs: Mon-Sat: 11 – 9pm Sun & PH: 12 – 8pm. Mention ‘Eros Coaching’ to get a slight discount.

Product Review: 'Nea' by Lelo

If you are one of those people who agree that ‘Small can be beautiful’, and ‘Small can be powerful’, then you will love the NEA. The NEA Vibrator is manufactured by LELO in Sweden. LELO is a company, founded in 2003, devoted to the design and development of sensual pleasure objects with contemporary/luxury flair.

Ergonomically designed to suit the natural curves of the female body, this pleasure object was designed especially for clitoral stimulation. It is beautiful to look at, handle and hold because of the stylish floral motif on the back and sides. Discreet and fashionable, you can take NEA in your handbag and whip it out to show your girl friends.

In your palm, NEA’s porcelain-like finish feels elegant to the touch, and can be applied creatively for the most satisfying all-over body experience. NEA comes with five varied modes of stimulation and is not only powerful and potent but also really quiet, possibly the quietest I have ever reviewed!


There is no mess, either. Unlike the ‘egg’ toy, you don’t have to fuss around with dangling wire when you should be pleasuring yourself or your partner. You only need to charge NEA for two hours and you get seven hours of non-stop fun. Additionally, NEA comes presented in an elegant gift box and luxury satin pouch for appropriate storage, complete with charger, user manual and a full one-year LELO warranty.

Blending fashion, femininity, engineering and design, I absolutely adore NEA; or, for that matter, all the other products I have seen produced by LELO. Your sexuality and the expression of it is something you own. With NEA, you feel sensual just by looking at it. I would highly recommend it to discerning ladies who are trying to decide on their first sex toy—portable, sophisticated and discreet—all at the same time!

Product Features:
• Blends fashion, femininity, engineering, and design
• An object not just functional, but seductive in its own right
• The clitoris is the only feature of the human anatomy whose sole function is to convey messages of sensual pleasure; use it wisely, often and with care
• 27 different speeds to choose from
• Can be locked like a cell phone so that it doesn’t turn on during storage or travel
• The motor inside is the highest quality available
• Extremely quiet
• Made of surgical-grade elastomer plastic
• Suitable for water-, silicone- or oil-based lubricants
• Ergonomically designed to contour to the body perfectly
• Sleek, artistic design that looks as though it should be in museum
• Up-scale packaging and presentation conveys wealth, status and artistic pleasure
• The perfect gift for the woman or man who has everything

Materials: Body safe FDA-Approved Materials. Phthalate-free ABS
Finish: Glossy
Size: 75 x 36 x 25 mm
Weight: 37 grams
Battery: Li-lon 200 mAh 3.7 V
Charging: 2 h at 5.0 V 500 mA
User time: Up to 7 hours
Standby: Up to 90 days
Frequency: 150 Hz
Max noise level: <50dB
Interface: Variable interface, 5 modes from soft flutter to intense pulsation

Purchase it at U4Ria. U4Ria @ #02-11A Midpoint Orchard (behind bus-stop, opp. 313 @ Somerset / MRT, ) t: 6738 7198 / 9832 7981. Biz hrs: Mon-Sat: 11 - 9pm Sun & PH: 12 - 8pm. Mention 'Eros Coaching' to get a slight discount.

Media: Vulvas and vaginas are pink

This article first appeared on The Online Citizen where I am a contributor.


I didn’t know I had a vulva until I went to sex school.

Don’t get me wrong. Of course, I do have a vulva (pronounced as ‘vuhl-vah’) and a vagina (pronounced ‘vha-gine-a’). I just didn’t know what they were called. I couldn’t even pronounce the word penis (pronounced as ‘pee-nis’) for that matter and called it incorrectly as ‘pen-is’.

For the longest time, I was calling the whole area ‘no nok’ because that was what my mother said it was. For the purposes of this article, I asked my parents how to spell it and realised that what I always assumed was a Teochew word is in fact Malay!

My sexuality school was the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, California, U.S.A. Sexual anatomy was one of the first things we covered. Even then, I was confused about the difference between the vulva and the vagina and was too embarrassed to admit it. Needless to say, I had a lot of catching up to do.

Now, sexual anatomy is something I talk to my clients about on a daily basis. Without knowing what is ‘down there’ and resorting to using pet names or blushing every time we refer to our private parts, just how comfortable can one be with one’s sexuality, much less sexual expression? For some people, knowing and referring to our private parts by their proper names is their first step to truly owning their sexuality.

So I tell them, with a straight face, what is what and where, utilising diagrams. Some of the braver ones admit they are still confused, and seeing that they are such keen learners, I get cyber skin replicates of the male penis and female vulva out. Their eyes invariably widen. Sometimes, a glaze comes over their eyes as I launch into my speech again. I wonder whether they are absorbing the information or are overwhelmed by the surreality of the moment.

Yet I plod on. At times, I might quiz them to make sure they remember the terms correctly. Other times, I send them home with web links to navigate as home assignments.

When I first started my practice and ran previews explaining my work, I was told by well-meaning friends to skip the part about the anatomy altogether. Make it more fun, more humorous, more interactive, they suggested.

Skip anatomy? Why should I? I see myself as a sexuality educator, among the many other roles I play. Unbeknownst to my clients, talking about anatomy is actually the first step to the desensitisation process – an important one in becoming more comfortable with our sexual self and talking about it. When you talk about sex and the anatomy involved in sex using factual, scientific and accurate language, you demystify it. By calling a spade a spade, sex is no longer the elephant in the room and no longer a taboo subject. Also, this might be my only chance to provide the correct anatomical names, including the pronunciation.

Having done the anatomical talk many times now, I am better at it – more fun, more humorous, more interactive, but I am still and will still be talking about our pink bits. Say ‘vulva’. Try ‘vagina’. How about ‘penis’? Great job, class!

__________________________________

Dr Martha Lee is the founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching, and is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality who provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops, and speaks at various public events

Messages from Transgenders

People whose gender identity doesn’t match with that assigned to them at birth say they often feel misunderstood and their voices unheard.

CNN asked transgendered, transsexual or questioning individuals to put a message they would like others to know about them on a sign, and to take a self-portrait holding it up. What resulted was an eye-opening look into the challenges transgender individuals face in their daily lives.

Click here to read.

Thanks to Ms Chor Lor's blog post.

Audio: Aromatherapy

These are radio interviews done by Susan Kwok of Fragrant Blessings. Eros Coaching is bringing her into Singapore for an exclusive series of events in July.

• Fri 2 July: Talk – Lifestyle Aromatherapy: Essential Oils for Romance & Passion
• Sat 3 July: Workshop – Essential Healing Massage
• Sun 4 July: Workshop – Essential Perfume
• By Appointment: Private session for self-healing ‘Aroma Healing’

Click here to sign up!

Introduction to Aromatherapy - Part 1




Introduction to Aromatherapy - Part 2




Essential oils for Respiratory Conditions




Essential Oils for Pregnancy & Childbirth





Essential Oils for Stress Relief





Essential Oils for digestive Disorder

Yoni Portraits: The Intimate Art of Christina Camphausen

A unique, beautiful and sensitive book revealing women's most intimate part in the form of delicate art. Intimate Portraits of real women, whose photographs were turned into detailed color-pencil drawings. The book comprises 49 drawings, explanations of the titles, information about how other, often ancient cultures have regarded the Yoni (Vulva) as a sacred manifestation of the Great Goddess.

There's also a short video introducing the book. It lasts 03:20 minutes and features a soundtrack by the Dutch group Aemen. This was given by Toine - singer and guitarist of the band.

Her blog is here. Purchase the ebook here.

Ageless Sex

Libby left an unhappy marriage at 60 with only the clothes on her back and £20 in her pocket. This is her inspiring and provocative account of discovering self-confidence and happiness though a late life career in the adult entertainment industry.

Too old. Too fat. Too ugly. Still sexy?

Dir. Marc Silver / music Michael Nyman / 2008

See more from the director: http://www.marcsilver.net/

More 3 minute films from Cinelan: http://www.cinelan.com/

Dr Jenni Skyler: Healthy Sexuality

Dr. Jenni Skyler, Receipient of the 2010 Young Careerist Award, addressess the meeting of the Boulder Business and Professional Women (BPW) in Boulder, Colorado on April 15, 2010.

During my work in public health at the Centers of Disease Control, she researched the effects of Healthy Sexuality as a prevention mechanism for violence against women.

She speaks about the elements of Healthy Sexuality in this video, defined as:

Knowledge and positive expression of
-Sexual Health and Reproduction
-Intimacy with self and others
-Gender
-Sexual Orientation
-Body Image
-Pleasure

Vulva Cupcakes

Love this. There is nothing with our bits down here. Absolutely nothing.

Saw this on Dodson and Ross' blog. This was their source.

Media: Sex is not the same as sitting for the ‘10-year series’

This article first appeared on The Online Citizen where I am a regular contributor.

I tell my clients that sex is not the same as sitting for the ‘10-year series‘. For those who don’t know, the 10-year series is a colloquial term unique to Singapore where students refer to official compilation books of examination papers for the past years for the GCE N-levels, O-levels and A-levels, approved by the Ministry of Education and the University of Cambridge Local Examination Syndicate, respectively.

One should not compare sex with sitting for a school examination, but I am just about to. When you sit for an exam, there is a model answer. We are talking about absolutes – you are either right or wrong. There is a set of perfect answers and the goal is to get a hundred out of a hundred. You could do very well, well, pass or fail.

And you have guessed what I am going to say: Sex is not about that. There are no absolutes when it comes to sex. There is no right or wrong. There is rarely, if ever, a perfect lovemaking session. Sure you can have a great, fantastic, even mind-blowing lovemaking session, but it might never be perfect.

Why? Because we are all unique individuals who have different bodies, sexual responses, and preferences which (gasp!) might change on a day-to-day basis depending on many factors. These might include our stress, tiredness or fitness levels; general day at work; and even hormonal levels. Hence what you did right the last month, last week or even one day before, might not feel as good for your partner the next time you do it.

To get closer to a 9.99 out of 10 from a sexual experience, communicating openly with your partner helps; providing feedback is definitely encouraged, not to mention learning new sexual techniques through reading a book, watching an online video, or attending a workshop. Coincidentally, I believe I am the only person teaching sexual techniques in Singapore. The ladies who have attended these workshops have expressed surprise at the number of different ways to pleasure the male anatomy. Indeed, the ways one can pleasure sexually are indefinite.

So if sex is not the same as sitting for the 10-year series and there is no definitive answer, why do I get asked over and over again: Is it normal to desire/ want/ have sex X number of times a day? Is it common to do Y? What is the best way to get him or her to achieve the big ‘O’?

We are all different. There is no best way. What works with person A you were intimate with might not work for person B. Even with the same person, the experience will feel different — all things being equal — on a different day. The best way is what works for you and the person you are with. Ask, try, evaluate, then try again.

And remember, chill out – you are not sitting for an exam.

_______________________________

By Dr. Martha Lee, Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. A certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality, she provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops, and speaks at public events. For more information, please visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com

Laura Bush Supports Gay Marriage, Abortion

After more than eight years of silence on the controversial issues, Former first lady Laura Bush has broken with her husband on the premier social issues of his administration and said she backs gay marriage and abortion. Mrs. Bush said in an interview with CNN's Larry King, that gay marriage and abortion were points of contention with her husband, former President George W. Bush.

Mrs. Bush in recent weeks has been promoting her memoir "Spoken from the Heart," in which she writes about her life both before and after becoming first lady. Bush's comments sparked reaction – and criticism – from both sides of the aisle. Liberal groups said she should have spoken out sooner when she had the White House as a bully pulpit. Conservatives defended the merits of their arguments despite, being seemingly unable to convince the wife of one of their movement's most prominent figureheads. Read more here.



I say better late than never.

Media: i Weekly

This appeared in the 15 April issue of i Weekly. It was translated from my answers in English.

Videos: Pink Dot 2010

Video from the second Pink Dot last Saturday, 15 May 2010
On Saturday 15 May '10 at 5pm, Love, Kinship and Families took centre stage at Pink Dot 2010 when a record turnout of 4000 people gathered to celebrate the Freedom to Love. As supporters of Pink Dot, parents, siblings, relatives and friends of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) Singaporeans, came together to show that family values matter greatly to us all. For the second year running, Hong Lim Park became a canvas of pink, hosting a living breathing massive pink heart, then swelling to form the well-loved Pink Dot, made up of family and friends.



Video from the first Pink Dot on 16 May 2009
Singaporeans from all walks of life, young and old, straight and gay, turned out for the first public showing of support for its lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender citizens at Hong Lim Park. As 2,500 people gather to form the human Pink Dot - a symbol of love and inclusiveness - the historic downtown park was awashed in a sea of pink.


This is their blog. Love it!

Female Viagra at What Cost?

In the shocking and hilarious documentary ORGASM INC., filmmaker Liz Canner takes a job editing erotic videos for a drug trial for a pharmaceutical company. Her employer is developing what they hope will be the first Viagra drug for women that wins FDA approval to treat a new disease: Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD).

Liz gains permission to film the company for her own documentary. Initially, she plans to create a movie about science and pleasure but she soon begins to suspect that her employer, along with a cadre of other medical companies, might be trying to take advantage of women (and potentially endanger their health) in pursuit of billion dollar profits. ORGASM INC. is a powerful look inside the medical industry and the marketing campaigns that are literally and figuratively reshaping our everyday lives around health, illness, desire — and that ultimate moment: orgasm.





Read news reports here and here.
For much more from filmmaker Liz Canner and her controversial documentary "Orgasm Inc.," go to http://orgasminc.org/.

Transgender Youth in Iran

It is considered a sin and crime to be homosexual in Iran, punishable by jail or even death. Male and female transsexuals in Iran are treated differently than gays and lesbians.



Thanks to Ms Chor Lor's blog post.

Media: Sex After Baby

This article appeared in the May issue of Today's Parents. Double click image to read.

Pink Dot 2010: Focusing on Our Families (Part 4)

The last in a series of videos celebrating the bonds of LGBT people and their families. Let's join them and our ambassadors on May 15 at Hong Lim Park to make a stand against prejudice and ignorance. Let's make a more inclusive, more loving Singapore for all. http://www.pinkdotsg.blogspot.com/

Media: Don't lie back and think of England

This same article first appeared in The Online Citizen.


I am surprised that, in this day and age, I still am asked: “What can women do in bed besides lying back and thinking of England?”

In case you are not familiar with this expression, it is an English saying with roughly the same meaning as “to grit one’s teeth”, i.e. to put up with what is happening. It was used both in England and among expatriates outside the country when conditions were difficult. It is given as an encouragement to perform a task that is unpalatable.

“Lie back and think of England” was an instruction given to prospective brides or women in general in the Victorian Era regarding how to cope with the sexual demands of their husbands. Childbearing was considered a patriotic duty, but at the same time women were not supposed to enjoy sexual intercourse, and new brides in particular would have been largely ignorant of the facts about sex.

One version of the genesis of the saying is the legend that Queen Victoria gave this instruction to her own daughter on her wedding night. Another said that the phrase originated in Lady Alice Hillingdon’s (1857-1940) Journal in 1912.

This question is wrong on so many levels because it assumes that only the man derives pleasure from lovemaking. And that it is all about his pleasure: the woman has no say.

Granted that there is more to any relationship than sex; my concern is why a woman would choose to stay in a relationship where she feels she has to “lay back and think of England”, effectively casting herself as a receptacle. Sex should not feel like a burden, duty, or chore.

This question also assumes that sex is only about penetrative sex. There are indefinite ways to engage in sexual pleasuring and enjoyment without penetration. One is limited only by the limit to one’s imagination.

In this day and age, a man who doesn’t bring his partner to sexual peak is called a lousy lover. This pressure to perform and be a ‘real man’ is so intense that sometimes he has difficulties attaining his orgasm. Sex should not be about needing to prove your manhood, outlasting your partner, or denying your own pleasure.

It is perfectly normal that:

… sometimes one of you experience an orgasm first;

… sometimes one of you may choose not to have an orgasm;

… sometimes one of you do not attain an orgasm; or at

… other times both of you might not experience an orgasm.

It is all fine and perfectly normal. However, if this continues for a period of time and causes distress, it is also normal, and highly recommended, that you seek support by consulting a medical doctor, urologist, gynaecologist or a sexologist like myself.

Sex should be mutually enjoyable and pleasurable. Yes, for both of you. And it is also okay to give yourselves permission to be funny and silly. If you cannot relax with your partner in bed – making jokes, laughing at yourselves and trying new things together – then doesn’t it limit the amount of enjoyment you might experience? The two of you should be relaxed, engaged, enjoying the experience and wanting more of such intimacy and joy in your lives.

Dr Martha Lee

——

Source for the phrase ‘Lie back and think of England’: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lie_back_and_think_of_England

Mookey's Story: A Transgender Journey

A new generation of transgender youth is finding more societal acceptance and support than ever before. But hardships remain, particularly for young people from immigrant backgrounds. Carolyn Goossen, a content producer at New America Media and Daffodil Altan spent time with Mookey, a 24-year-old Chinese-American college student just beginning hormone treatment. Min Lee is an editor at YO! Youth Outlook Multimedia. This film is an official entry into The Los Angeles Asian Pacific Film Festival VC FILMFEST 2007 -- Southern California's largest and most prestigious film festival of its kind.

Original clip found here.





Thanks to Ms Chor Lor's blog post.

G-Spot Chronicles: Orgasmic Women and the Explosive G-spot

In response to the British Scientists of King's College, London who, in late 2009 declared the G-Spot a myth, Glamour Television International expands its inquisition into the infinite dimensions of the female orgasm and the elusive G-Spot. A consortium of Nine female experts assembles to examine the facts, fiction and implications of the G-Spot. Only Ejaculating Women can deliver G-Spot Chronicles in spectacular detail, elegance and style.

Produced and directed by Godfrey Silas

Fancy a Spray to Cuddle More?

Heard of the expression that intimacy is more important to a woman than sex itself?

Scientists have come up with a spray that makes men more affectionate and in tune with others' feelings. Just a puff or two of the so-called 'cuddle chemical' and even the most macho of males is as sensitive as a woman, they claim.

The spray is based on oxytocin - a hormone naturally made in the body and involved in sex, sexual attraction, trust and confidence. So there... a hug spray. Call me old-fashioned but I still believe a surer way of getting what you want is asking for it.

Pets Better Listeners than Spouses

According to an Associated Press-Petside.com poll released, a third of pet-owning married women said their pets are better listeners than their husbands. Eighteen percent of pet-owning married men said their pets are better listeners than their wives.

When pets become the therapists, the dogs have it. Twenty-five percent of dog owners said their canines listened better than a spouse, while only 14 percent of cat owners chose the feline. Overall, about one in 10 pet owners said they would talk their troubles over with their pets.

The AP-Petside.com Poll was conducted April 7-12, 2010, and involved landline and cell phone interviews with 1,112 pet owners nationwide. It has a margin of sampling error of plus or minus 3.3 percentage points.

I have no doubt that pets are likely to pick up on the general mood of the owner, even essence of a conversation without a single word exchange. However the lack of comprehension would still bug me.

Media: Perform Better Than Her Sex Toy

Am mentioned in this online article at Men's Health Singapore.

Your tongue, fingers and penis can beat her pulsating plastic any day. Learn to work your God-given tools to their greatest orgasm inducing potential.

For more, click here.

First Recorded Birth to two Lesbians

In UK, the first birth certificate that leaves the father off the official record for the first time in nearly 200 years has been reported. Birth certificates were introduced 170 years ago and have always recorded the mother and father, if known.

The baby was born to 38-yearold Natalie Woods. The parent named on the form is Miss Woods’s partner, 47-year-old Betty Knowles. An anonymous man provided half of Lily-May’s genes through IVF treatment.

It is thought to be the first recorded birth to two lesbians since a recent change in the law.

The 2008 Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act paved the way for them for the first time to record two mothers – to the dismay of many Christian groups and campaigners for traditional family values. Until the law changed same sex couples could not put both of their names down for a child conceived by a donor.

It is heartening to know that change is taking place slowly but surely in accepting human diversity.

Media: Video on Dr Martha Lee

Pink Dot 2010: Focusing on Our Families (Part 3)

The third in a series of videos celebrating the bonds of LGBT people and their families. Let's join hands on May 15 at Hong Lim Park to show that love and acceptance for LGBT people are spreading, not just within families, but far and wide to all corners of Singapore! http://pinkdotsg.blogspot.com

Media: Why I Became a Sexologist

First published on The Online Citizen on 3 May.


If there is one question I am asked almost every time I meet somebody new, it is this: “Why did you become a sexologist?”

Even complete strangers on Facebook find it is their business to pose one-liner questions along the lines of: “Is your job for real?”

Occasionally my polite replies would be followed by cheekier replies of: “Can I know you?”

Or I will receive lengthier ones trying to draw me into philosophical, theoretical or academic discussions related to sex and sexuality.

Indeed, I have an interesting profession.

This is my official answer, all of which is true:

“Personally, I was curious to learn more about sex because I did not receive any sexuality education growing up in Singapore. I missed out on biology completely because I was in the Arts stream. The compulsory annual school assemblies I attended through my secondary school career were on why women bled monthly and how we young ladies have to pay particular attention to personal hygiene.

I saw that there was a sore lack of trained sexuality educators in Singapore. Surely, there was more to understanding sex and sexuality than learning to protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs), making babies and getting your period? This was why I decided to pursue a Doctorate in Human Sexuality and am now a trained Clinical Sexologist.

The best thing about my job is seeing the glimmer of hope on the faces of clients, reigniting the sparkle of light in their eyes and of course, helping them overcome their sexual difficulties and, consequently, achieve a more fulfilling life.”

A slightly longer, more honest answer is: I had to.

I was tired of the lack of any real and meaningful conversations about sex and sexuality. If sex was this wonderful, beautiful and intimate act between two people in love, why is it always talked about so negatively? Nobody was acknowledging the importance of sex and sexuality to one’s sense of well-being, not to mention the role it plays in a relationship.

Prior to this, I had already worked in corporate communications for eight years – doing public relations, marketing and advertising. I left a comfortable career to start a non-profit helping young people in the area of career guidance. I did so because I was no longer satisfied with the status quo. I could no longer deny that I care about people more than money, and helping people was more important to me than climbing the corporate ladder. I broke out of my comfort zone and there was no turning back. And yes, it was scary.

After two years doing a combination of volunteer recruitment and management, fundraising and everything in between, I realised my heart was with working with people directly. To ‘help’ from a distance was safe for me and I knew it. I had to put myself on the line.

I had been doing volunteer counselling work for three years by then, and realised that there was a jarring gap in the dialogues revolving around sexuality in Singapore. I knew as a professional sexologist, I would have the unique expertise that would allow me to contribute to the well-being of men and women – including helping them develop an understanding of their sexuality and better express themselves through sex and intimacy.

I also knew in my heart of hearts that I could make a difference, but I had to get the training. And I did.

For most of my life (even whilst in the corporate world), I have been told: (audible gasp first) “You are a woman. You shouldn’t be talking like that.”

I know! Whatever does that mean? And who defines what a woman should say or do?

As a woman, am I supposed to be one (or several?) step behind men (or all men?). And the ones who say so are invariably men – including my bosses. And why shouldn’t I speak up? Don’t I have a say if something affects me directly? I wasn’t trying to be a man. I was being me.

Now, I am grateful for what seems like the instant rapport and comfort women have when they communicate with me – women who would otherwise not seek my support if I weren’t a woman.

Sex is not everything. But sex is important.

I became a Clinical Sexologist because I had to.

————–

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sex educational workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com or email drmarthalee@eroscoaching.com.

Eros Coaching May newsletter

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Aromatherapy for Romance & Passion

For the first time, Eros Coaching is bringing in...

Susan Kwok of Fragrant Blessings for three exclusive events.

• Fri 2 July: Talk - Lifestyle Aromatherapy: Essential Oils for Romance & Passion
• Sat 3 July: Workshop - Essential Healing Massage
• Sun 4 July: Workshop - Essential Perfume
• By Appointment: 'Private session for self-healing 'Aroma Healing''

Fri 2 July: Talk
Lifestyle Aromatherapy: Essential Oils for Romance & Passion

Open yourself to the world of healing scent. This brief and informative talk on pure essential oils tells us how these therapeutic fragrances can be blended for specific needs and purposes in our daily lives. You will also get to sample an essential oil blend. Excite your senses with the nurturing fragrance of Aromatherapy.

Contents:
• Learn the nurturing powers of essential oils
• Sample essential oils for Romance & Passion
• How to effectively use essential oils & safety guidelines
• Demonstration:
- Personalize essential oil blend for Romance & Passion
- Pampering Hand Massage
• Q&A

Upon completing this learning program, you will:
• Learn about Aromatherapy & how to appreciate essential oils
• Have the opportunity to sample 4 essential oils for Romance & Passion & learn how to journal their benefits
• Be able to observe how an Aromatherapist personalized blends for Romance & Passion
• Learn how to use essential oils effectively and view a hand massage demonstration

Duration: 90 minutes including Q & A
Early bird: S$40 (before 1 June)
Single: S$45
Couple: S$80
Min 10, Max 40

Sat 3 July: Workshop
Essential Healing Massage

Engage in the essence of receiving and giving through Essential Healing Massage. Massage is our own healing instinct to restore and enhance our wellbeing. The Essential Healing Massage workshop will bring to your awareness simple yet effective hands-on essential healing massage techniques for hands, head & face, and neck & shoulders. You will experience the nurturing powers of essential oils and therapeutic powers of receiving & giving touch for holistic healing to enhance your health and wellbeing.

Contents:
• What is Essential Healing Massage?
- Giving & Receiving
- Sense of Smell & Essential Oils
- Sense of Touch & Massage
• Hands-on Essential Healing Massage session:
- Hand
- Head & Face
- Neck & Shoulders
• Q&A

Duration: 150 minutes including Q & A
Early bird:S$200 (before 1 June)
Single: S$220
Couple: S$400
Min 4, Max 12.

Sun 4 July: Workshop
Essential Perfume
Spend a pleasant afternoon with us and discover the sheer pleasure of creating your own unique blend of Essential Perfume. This workshop provides you with the know-how and practical experience in blending perfume using all natural ingredients which is beneficial to your health and a pleasure to your sense of smell. We will be sharing with you about Essential Perfume and its benefits, how to carry out scent selection and to create your unique Essential Perfume using various blending techniques. Other interesting topics include therapeutic properties of essential oils, the aromatherapy in perfume, and various sources of perfume.

Contents:
• Introducing Perfume & Perfume Sources
• Essential Perfume, Essential Oils
• Scent Selection
• Blending Focus, Blending Techniques
• Hands On Session: Create Your Personal Blend
• Aroma Visualization
• How To Use Essential Perfume
• Q&A

Upon completing this learning program, you will:
• Learn about Essential Perfume and the art of blending
• Have hands-on experience to create your own unique blend of Essential Perfume
• Be provided with program notes and ingredients for blending your own Essential Perfume

Duration: 3 Hours
Early bird: S$220 (before 1 June)
Single: S$250
Couple: S$450
Min 4, Max 6.

By Appointment
Private session for self-healing 'Aroma Healing'

Experience a self-healing session with an open heart to acknowledge the deep feelings of your soul. During each session, you will be guided through the process of Essential-Harmony using the nurturing fragrance of essential oils. The process of Essential-Harmony is derived from integrating professional qualifications with the healing awareness and energies to facilitate your efforts in self-healing. Each session allows you to open your heart towards acknowledging your emotions, and to soothe your soul.

Each Aroma Healing session is unique to suit your personal energies, needs and intention towards inner-unity. It is best for conditions related to alleviating stress & anxiety, maintaining calmness & tranquility, increasing focus and concentration, uplifting depression & burnouts, and balancing energy levels

Aroma Healing Session includes:
• Review overall well-being – health needs, medical history, and lifestyle
• Clarify key concerns and awareness of core challenges
• Setting aspiration for focus and direction
• Facilitated intuitive guidance for clarity
• Personalize essential oil blend to support aspiration
• Aroma visualization for inner-unity

Session duration: 90 minutes
Fee: S$250.00 per session

Fragrant Blessings from Susan Kwok (Self-Healing Facilitator)
Fragrant Blessings provides self-appreciation, self-empowering and self-realizing learning programs to inspire well-being. Each of us can individually experience the healing powers of essential oils that connect with our own innermost emotional needs through the process of Essential Harmony. This process provides the essence of overall wellness, allowing us to bond with our inner-self. With that, we bring into us the sense of serenity and from within, inner-peace blossoms. The focus of Essential Harmony is to heighten clarity as we integrate the 4 Essentials into our lives, i.e. Physical Health, Mental Clarity, Emotional Self-love and Spiritual Awareness.

With the process of Essential Harmony, my purpose is to assist you in harmonizing and integrating your 4 Essentials using the nurturing fragrance of essential oils. Through facilitated learning sessions, reflective learning experiences, and development of self-appreciating abilities to invoke your senses, you will ‘Bring Your Passion To Light’ and sustain a state of wellness in all aspects of your life.

Susan is a qualified Aromatherapist & Business Consultant with a Certificate in Touch for Health Synthesis, Diploma in Holistic Aromatherapy, Degree in Business Management, and Masters in IT Management.

To register/ enquire, please email info@eroscoaching.com.

Good News from Imagine a Woman International

This year the Imagine a Woman poem is celebrating its 15th year anniversary with a new website and new programs and opportunities for personal growth and professional enhancement.

You're invited to the launch of the IAW WomanSpirit Empowerment Program, today May 3, with free inspirational gifts and complimentary coaching at www.imagineAwoman.com. We'll be celebrating WomanSpirit all week so get your party clothes on, invite your friends, and come on over.

Worldwide Circle - Free Membership


Join WomanSpirit Community

Event: Woman to Woman, Heart to Heart

Woman to Woman, Heart to Heart: Real women talking to Women about Topics that Matter

For the first time, four women representing different trades are coming together to talk about what matters. What makes us do what we do? Why is it important? What do we have to share with other women? Spend your Saturday afternoon with us as we share our journey and our life’s passion. Let’s talk woman to woman, heart to heart.


Shirley Mok, owner of Annabelle Studio

On Beauty: Beauty and Brains
Shirley gave up a successful corporate career to pursue her interest in beauty only to be met with skepticisms. Annabelle Studio is a beauty salon which serves with great heart. Come and find out useful tips on how women can enjoy beautiful skin and youthful look in addition to their inner beauty.


Dr. Martha Lee, Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching

On Sexuality: Where is my Vulva?

Martha didn’t know where her vulva was before going to sex school. What made her embark on this unusual path? She will share some practical exercises women can do to get in touch with their sexual self.


Judy Koh, MD and Principal Chef of Creative Culinaire The School

About Food: Food For Thought

At the pinnacle of the baking industry, Chef Judy manages a baking school as well as cafe. A single mom of two, she will be the first to admit that her journey hasn’t been easy but has learnt to appreciate her pockets of happiness and be thankful for the many blessings she has. Come hear how her passion for food has been her greatest joy.


Fong Yong Hui, Financial Planner, Manulife Financial

On Personal Finance: $ense and $ensibility
Synopsis: Passionate about educating and helping women gain greater financial literacy and knowledge, Yong Hui overcame her fear of public speaking so as to be able to reach out to more people. Caring and unassuming, Yong Hui shares financial tips in a manner women understands.

Date: Sat 12 June

Time: 3 - 6p.m

Venue: Caffe Pralet by Creative Culinaire Pte Ltd. 17 Eng Hoon Street, #01-04 Eng Hoon Mansions, Singapore 169767. Directions here.

Fee: S$15 (Goodie bag worth S$40 containing discount vouchers, cookies and cosmetics)

To register, please email info@eroscoaching.com.

4 Women, 4 Perspectives, 1 Afternoon

Yemen Child Brides

On April 9, CNN reported that a 12-year-old Yemeni bride died of internal bleeding following intercourse three days after she was married off to an older man, the United Nations Children's Fund said. The girl was married to a man at least twice her age. Read more here.

The issue of Yemeni child brides made headlines in 2008 when 10-year-old Nujood Ali was pulled out of school and married. Her husband beat and raped her within weeks of the ceremony.

To escape, Nujood hailed a taxi -- the first time in her life -- to get to the central courthouse where she sat on a bench and demanded to see a judge. After a well-publicized trial, she was granted a divorce. Her story is in the below videos:

Self Esteem

Face the Issue features a great series of videos which covers issues we don't talk about enough of from anxiety, alcoholism to depression. They are narrated by various celebrities. Take this one below:

Self Esteem
Narrated by Jennifer Lopez